Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Haiku Hump Day - Mental Illness

My friend Kaveh, a doctor, once asked rhetorically, "Why is it that when people hear voices in their heads, the voices are always telling them to do really bad things, like kill people? Why can't schizophrenics hear voices that tell them, 'You should go plant some flowers in a quiet corner in the park,' or 'You should go pick up garbage and deposit it in the proper bins,' or something productive or creative?"

The complexity of the mind is unfathomable. In the twisting labyrinth of neural fiber lies ample room for variation. This is what makes it possible for each of us to set our own unique identity. But unfortunately for many people, nestled in this infinite variation are the seeds for self-destructive behavior. All of us have been touched, in some way, by mental illness -- some of us even have degrees in it -- treating it, not suffering from it. --- well, there was this guy...

Mental illness comes in many different forms; some destructive to ourselves or others, and some which can be harnessed and channelled, propelling us towards fabulous accomplishments.

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder


Manic Depression



Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Eating Disorders



This week, we ply our rational haiku minds to the topic of mental illness in its myriad forms. And as we do so, remember, but for an infinitesimal twist in the wiring, any of us could have suffered from these disorders (and some of us, to varying degrees, actually have). On the other hand, but for an infinitesimal twist in the wiring, any of us could have written the world's finest novel or solved the energy crisis, or done many other more notable things than churn out haiku on a Wednesday.


50PageMcGee said...

Hands nice and clean now
Hot water scrubbed with vigor
Once more to be safe

Followed everywhere
Blank eyes under hats pulled low
Soon they'll get me bad

Rough day on the job
I'll have a drink and then more
Till I can't recall

I hear a loud bang
I can smell the blood once more
Only a popped tire

JPX said...

I thought she was cute
It turns out she’s bald

When the time changes
Everybody gets depressed
It’s great for business

Sure Prozac works well
But there are some side-effects
Your penis won’t work

JPX said...

Am I the winner
If I die with the most toys?
Compulsive hoarding

Thought I was dying
“It’s just a panic attack”
Yeah but it still sucks

Indiana Jones
I agree with him

She’s very moody
Goes from zero to bitchy
She’s a borderline

Catfreeek said...

We don't stand a chance
JPX/AC will win
for pure field knowledge

I might have an edge
my first hand experience
as a real nutcase

Years of horror films
surely effect one's sane mind
did I just say sane

This is just so strange
am I talking to myself?
Damn! Ranting again.

Catfreeek said...

About this topic
Oh look it's something shiny!
What was I saying?

8 month killing spree
caught and questioned, the excuse
Devil told me to

Catfreeek said...

Staring four gray walls
Walking invisible dog
let's count the raindrops

Always on the news
Neighbors say he's a nice guy
he just killed 12 kids

Nobody loves me
Think I'll have a shooting spree
Why don't they like me

Choose your affliction
7 personalities
DID's for me

Catfreeek said...

I've been called crazy
No I'm not collecting cats
five's not too many

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Eating disorders
All can be fixed with one book
Read Michael Pollan

Addicted, who me?
Pacman, chess and KISS products
Oh, and alcohol

All I'm sayin' is
Only a true narcissist
Deems himself "handsome"

I like crazy folks
They make weirdos seem normal
I'm just eccentric

Bi-polars are fun
Don't know what you're gonna get
Like box of chocolate

Johnny Sweatpants said...

They say that most shrinks
Are 14 kinds of crazy
*polite cough* AC

JPX said...

A shrink's dilemma
Telling a paranoid guy
That he smells funny

Social phobics fear
That people will not like them
They're usually right

Patients say strange things
You need a good poker face
Laughing is not good

AC said...

tough topic mcgee
uncomfortably like work
not an advantage

some psychologists
are drawn to certain topics
research is me-search

mental illness and
health form a continuum
who is truly "sane"?

bipolar would suck
to become really stable
you give up the highs

jeff, do you agree:
if one must have an issue
phobias are best

too bad jeff and i
can't share juicy patient tales:
those wacky "ethics"!

i'm fascinated
and repelled by picasso
the art world's lecter

JPX said...

I hate addiction
After a lot of hard work

Best problem to treat?
Phobias 'cause they're easy
Therapist's delight

JPX said...

AC, I posted that phobia comment before reading yours!

JPX said...

Erectile problems
A good shrink will advise you
To date hotter girls

In graduate school
Most of the students were nuts
Yep, I married one

JPX said...

I treat people you might know
I wish I could tell

AC said...

in graduate school
jeff and i were the most sane
what does that tell you?

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Depression? Puh-lease
You just want some attention
I'd make a bad shrink

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Single male seeks one
Sex addicted psycho chick
We can make it work

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I like my rock stars crazy
Hello Syd Barrett!

Catfreeek said...

The truth to be told
I've known a few therapists
with control issues

Went to one's wedding
She was psycho-therapist
mega control freak

Most sane people in the field
Horror, good for the mind

Catfreeek said...

Bad combination
A shy person with tourettes
Always embarrassed

A hermaphrodite
with major sex addiction
self satisfying

AC said...

if you're too happy
listen to "the wall" daily
you will get depressed

freud was cool, but a
cigar is never just a
cigar. it's a dick.

JPX said...

It's been suggested
That the clinically depressed
Understand the world

Those who aren't depressed
Live in a fantasy world
Ignorance is bliss

I can't stand patients
Who can't modulate anger
I fucking hate them!

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Ok I give up
JPX is on fire
That last batch destroyed

AC said...

mr ac sends these along:

A recurrent, intense need
to write in Haiku

Freud, Adler, and Jung
Why did they strive for greatness?
To get the ladies

Vader, Luke, Yoda
Id, Ego, Superego
What about Jar-Jar?

AC said...

or too many acid trips?
shine, crazy diamond.

AC said...

wish i knew as much
about music as mcgee
knows about psych stuff!

JPX said...

Strippers might look cute
But looks can be deceiving
They really hate you

Abused as children
They titillate with their looks
They are dead inside

Dana's Brain said...

Damn, JPX is on FIYAH!

My Dad's school of thought,
"Sad? Pull yourself up by your
boot straps! Horse's Ass!"

Ask desroc and me,
Craziest people ever?
Restaurant owners!!

Catfreeek said...

Mr Freeek (aka Tony) says...

Suspicious stranger
reflection holding razor

hglkdn fo
jspdf cjiefk dkdol kgo
it's dyslexia

Short man attitude
a Napoleon complex
small dose of anger

JPX said...

Thorazine works well
It replaced lobotomies
And stopped the headaches

I just realized this
"LOBOT" means lobotomy
Lucas is funny

Shock treatment is used
For terrible depression
Zap away the blues

JPX said...

If I don't like you
I'll say with authority
That you are crazy

Catfreeek said...

I sometimes wonder
does JPX think I'm nuts
for having 5 cats

JPX said...

I sure do catfreeek
There's a word for what you do
Animal hoarding

JPX said...

I watched shock treatment
I thought it would be so cool
Sadly I feinted

Catfreeek said...

Here's where we differ
I say animal rescue
guilted into it

Sad kitty eyes say,
"Won't you please give me a home"
I just can't say no

Unable to no
Is that a condition too?
if so, what's it called?

You guys amaze me
a name for each affliction
who gets to name them?

JPX said...

You're not crazy yet
When you wear tissue boxes
I'll start to worry

Catfreeek said...

New fashion statement
PJ's and tissue box shoes
Thank you JPX

Dana's Brain said...

A touch OCD
maybe not too bad? At least
my house would be clean!

Dana's Brain said...

Do JPX's
patients know he's haiku-ing
while they blather on?

"MM-Hmm. Yes, go on."
Must beat that damned Handsome Stan!
This week will be mine!

Dana's Brain said...

"Few sandwiches short of a
picnic." My fave.

JPX said...

Where the hell is Stan?
Where the hell is Octopunk?
We miss you bastards

Octopunk said...

Thanks for saying so
Been watching Zack all day long
All tots bipolar

Octopunk said...

Paging Dr. Freud
Penis, penis everywhere!
Your cigar is gay

Octopunk said...

These damn Rorschach tests
They all look like dead puppies
Man am I depressed

Octopunk said...

Word associate!
Cat? Dog. Freak? Out. Big bully?
Now I will kill you

Octopunk said...

Free associate!
I did. Read my Freud haiku
It's been a long day

Octopunk said...

I know pancake girl!
She's in The Ring: first victim
Mmmm. Closet pancakes

Octopunk said...

They said I was mad
But I taught goats to mug me
Guess I am crazy

Octopunk said...

I'm so OCD
Need exactly fifty 'kus
Just five more words... ahhh

50PageMcGee said...

oops. what are you going to do now OCDopunk?

Julie said...

That is frikken' hilarious.