Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Hand of the Assassin

(1967) *1/2

One minute fifty long seconds of opening credits. 

If there's one thing I know about my brother JPX it's that he is not very fond of late 60's/early 70's dubbed European horror movies with washed out colors, lengthy exposition and precious little violence. To an extent I disagree with his stubborn position. I feel he's doing himself a disservice by dismissing a specific time period. There are some excellent movies from that time. Unfortunately this is not one of them. Damn, is there anything more boring than watching a boring old movie by yourself?  

Admit it, this picture makes your eyes glaze over. 
This whodunit takes place at a resort where several travelers are stranded at due to a heavy  storm. During an unforgivable song and dance number courtesy of the innkeeper's wife, a mysterious man with a briefcase full of money gets murdered with an unimaginative knife to the back. The money disappears and everyone is a suspect.
"I have something rather dull to say that you may or may not be interested in."
There's the innkeeper, his unhappy wife, a colonel, a professor, an old biddy, and a few others whose unremarkable performances don't deserve any specific mention.

This guy adds nothing even remotely interesting
 to the film. 
The poor dubbing (and lack of a subtitled Italian version) robs this film what little dignity it may have had. Perhaps in its original language it flows more like an atmospheric rainy day chiller but I don't know and don't care. I would rather do dishes than watch this movie again.

"What you're saying is quite tedious. Let us discuss it in detail for the next 10-15 minutes." 


JPX said...

Hilarious review! I stand by my dislike of most movies from that era (this one is a perfect example!). Great screenshots and captions!

Crystal Math said...

Your subtitles to each review are hilarious. I believe you just heard me laugh out loud since you're sitting four feet away.

Octopunk said...

Ha! Good one. Sometimes it's amazing what people aimed a camera at once.

Catfreeek said...

These are the movies that usually cause me to nod out, meaning I have to go back to see what I missed making the experience ever so much more painstaking. Funny review though and thanks for the warning.

AC said...

i swear, just the rating and the first captioned photo had me yawning.