The Hills Have Eyes

(2006) ****



I'll start by admitting I've never seen the original, nor do I plan to unless I'm desperate.   

A young couple goes on a road trip with their newborn baby and in-laws.  Going on a road trip with your in-laws is horror enough, particularly when your father-in-law is a proud Republican jackass.   On their way to California, (the land of eternal sunshine and delicious wine,) their RV breaks down in Middle'o'Nowhere, New Mexico.  There they are hunted by a deranged family that's crazy and deformed due to nuclear weapons testing.    Yes that's right, I watched another Texas Chainsaw rip-off.  Anyways, I named the family members Toad (from X-Men), Sloth (Goonies), Fire Marshall Bill (In Living Color), and Pudgy (an apt physical description).    

They could have called this movie "The Awesome Hills Have Totally Deadly, Badass Eyes." 

This super-mega-violent flick is an instant classic in my book.  I call this book "Reflections of a Relatively Normal Guy Who Watches a Lot of Horror Movies Every October."  Yes it's completely derivative.   But it's handled carefully,  you care about the characters, and by the time the credits roll, your jaw will have dropped 10 times over.  
 
Some say we are currently in a golden age of horror.  I love 70's horror more than anything or anyone else.   But the 70's movies could never give me that disgusted pit in my stomach that the Hills Have Eyes gave me when the hero lights a candle in a locked dumpster filled with body parts. 
 
"Yes but why would you want such a pit?" is the logical question to that.  I'll have to get back to you on that one.