Premonition

Premonition
(2007) *1/2

Yes, I know that Horrorthon was 5 months ago, or 7 months from now for that matter, but I happened to catch a free screening of this Sandra Bullock stinker courtesy of 92 Pro FM (they play “hit after hit” for those who don’t know). I think we can all attest to the fact that after October the last thing one wants to watch is another horror movie. I usually cleanse my pallet with any non-horror thing I can get my hands on (“Do I want to watch Flashdance? Suuuuuuure..”). However, around this time of the year I get the 'itch' again and when this opportunity came up I didn’t hesitate. With an extra salty feedbag of Showcase Cinemas popcorn, I settled into a very crowded theater (apparently the “freebie” movie brings people out of the woodworks, think Wal-Mart greeter crowd).

Oh God, this is the part I hate, the description. Here it goes. Bland Sandra Bullock (is there really any other way to describe her?) is an everywoman who appears to have the perfect life. As the film begins we see her go through her morning mechinations with husband and 2 daughters. This idyllic existence is interrupted later that day, however, when a state trooper comes to her door and informs her that her has husband has perished in a horrific car accident. We're forced to watch her reaction to this, and then, later, we're forced to watch her tell her children this terrible news. The next day she wakes up and he’s alive, as if nothing ever happened. This pattern repeats itself every time she wakes up; he’s alive, he’s dead, he’s alive, he’s dead, the kids are okay, or maybe they aren’t, her friends are trustworthy, or are they? When she consults a priest he provides the usual useless, religious stupidness by stating, ''faith is believing in something beyond yourself''? Huh? Thanks, I feel much better now. Problem solved.

What begins as a marginally intriguing premise, this Momento wantabe can’t rise beyond its schlocky writing and forced pathos. The characters are cartoonish and the “scares” and “epiphanies” are telegraphed way ahead of time with very loud anticipation music and screeches (think Psycho shower music) punctuating this unusually quiet film (I was actually self-conscious eating my popcorn because the film was so damn quiet). What’s supposed to be dramatic is laughable. I predicted the ending way ahead of time, which really isn't saying much. If you enjoyed Ghost Ship (2002), They (2002), or The Ring Two (2005), then this one’s for you.

One aside; there was this pompous windbag sitting next to me and sitting next to him was his extremely masculine female companion. Surly inspired by MST3K, these two assholes decided that it was their civic duty to make extremely unfunny “observations” to one-another and then to stifle their giggles over their brilliance (think of the sound you make when you attempt to suppress a hiccup). There’s nothing I can’t stand more than (a) someone who ruins my movie-watching experience; and (b) people who believe that they're funny when they're most definitely not. After 10 minutes of this rude nonsense I finally turned to the guy and gave him a loud, “Duuuuuuuuuude!” Yes, that’s as tough as I get but it did the trick, kinda. I mention this only because I’m certain that their need to let everyone know, “Hey, we’re smart people and we’re better than this movie”, impacted on my overall enjoyment of the film (I didn't even finish my popcorn, a first for me). Don’t get me wrong, the film sucked but their behavior didn’t help. I hate people.