From Cracked,
#7. Soundwave
Transforms into: A cassette player
Why is he useless?
Soundwave looks like he should be 100 percent badass, until you get to know him. He can read minds, intercept and block radio transmissions and is one of the strongest Transformers around; no easy task when all of your peers are enormous robots.
You stop liking/fearing/respecting Soundwave, however, when you realize that he uses all of his robot powers for the sole purpose of spying on his fellow Decepticons to detect mutiny. Seriously, he quietly hangs around his evil pals, waits for them to take issue with one of Megatron's orders and then records the shit out of it.
The other downside to Soundwave is that, when he's not out being a giant robo-narc, he's a motherfucking cassette player. We stopped needing a cassette player in like the early '90s. Can you even name a single person who owns a cassette tape anymore? If we want some tunes, we can just use the mp3 player on our niece's camera phone.
Did you hear that, Soundwave? Our 7-year-old niece's camera phone is a more impressive Transformer than you.
See rest of list here, http://www.cracked.com/index.php?name=News&sid=2175
2 comments:
Can I just ask a simple goddamned question about the Transformers?
The Transformers are toys, right? In other words, little kids carry them around; play with them. The Transformers are one element in a vast wave of multicolored plastic crap that parents have to step on, clean up, replace when broken etc.
So the kid's carrying this plastic robot around, and somebody had the bright idea that the toy would, you know, transform into, like, a crappy tape recorder or a toy car or whatever else it would be plausible for a kid to carry around.
Right? "My mom (and these other passersby) think I'm merely holding a toy truck...but it's A TOY ROBOT!"
See, because, as silly as all this is, it makes sense! The toy transforms into a different toy.
At what point in the proceedings does this become the story of an actual robot that turns into a tape recorder? That's ridiculous! I mean, a tape recorder is, what, nine inches long? How can you fit an entire folding robot in there, and how can a tape-recorder-sized robot do anything? Does it shoot pellets at your knees?
A transforming toy makes sense as I'm saying because you can ignore the scale and make the robot look like whatever crappy object a kid is holding (even a crappier toy). Was it the animated show that proposed that the actual, "living" robots fold up into cameras and boom boxes and other small, non-robot-concealing stuff? This is only bothering me because (thanks to Michael Bay etc.) I'm actually thinking about the Tranformers for the first time since the eighties.
Dude, I'm with you on this one. I've never seen a single episode of The Transformers nor do I even know what the "plot" of the cartoon series is.
In the past I posted stuff on the movie just to mock it but now that there's all this damn buzz around it and I find myself forced to see it in order to uphold my nerd status.
Damn you, Mr. Bay!
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