From cracked, You know how your parents always tell you how good you have it compared to what they went through back in the day? Judging from these commercials, they may very well be right. While we struggle through a day of channel surfing with Feist and Victoria's Secret super models, our parents had to endure this kind of terror during commercial breaks--often with no remote control to save them.
The horror.
#7.Green Giant Vegetables: The Green Giant
Check out original commercial here
You know what's kind of scary about this early version of the The Green Giant? Everything. Nothing jolly about that fucker. That bizarre, jerky robotic walk and that cold, lifeless smile will haunt our dreams forever more.
If this commercial was a horror movie, it would surely feature a friendly, 70-year-old farmer who, on seeing this terror descending upon his farm, would let out a blood-curdling scream and and take cover behind a bale of hay. But after noticing the Giant's calm, smiling face and gentle demeanor he would foolishly step from behind his makeshift shelter and attempt to make nice with a few stammering "H-h-hey buddy's" and an ice breaking "Are ya lost?"
All fears would be put to rest when Big Green magically produced a can of Niblets and bent down as if to make a peace offering to the gentle farmer. It's at that point our beloved farmer would be bludgeoned to death with the can of corn and promptly devoured.
11 comments:
Those are some big ass cans of vegetables.
Who doesn't love big cans?
I never understood that expression. Could someone please explain it to me?
In olden days, before plastic surgery, women would stick cans of peas in their bras to increase their size. If they weren't careful, and picked a can that was too large, it looked strange or worse could fall from the bra and cause serious foot injury, so it was somewhat of an art to pick the right can for the job. Thus an appreciation of picking correctly grew...thus "nice cans".
That reminds me of the following story, witnessed by some coworkers of mine:
They were in the checkout line at a NYC supermarket, when a fat, suspicious-looking homeless woman was waddling towards the door (she looked as if she were hampered by a number of shoplifted items). Just as she neared the exit, a large canned ham fell from her person and struck the floor with a loud noise. She looked up for a second and then screeched "who threw that ham at me!!!"
She then waddled out the door unmolested, as nobody wanted to deal with her. Using her pronounciation of "threw" as "frew," her quote became a popular catch phrase around the office.
Who frew that ham at me?!?!?! Good times.
Miko, you're kidding, right?
Who frew that ham at me--heh heh. That lady sounds whoremunglus.
(A woman at my job says that men who cheat on their husbands are "whoremunglers," which has Jeff and me giggling a lot lately.)
Who is this "Jeff" person you speak of?
Indeed Julie, just making up stories to satisfy JSP's curiosity. Also, I am off my meds today, so that could contribute. (The voices say hi to everyone BTW)
Wow I didn't actually expect a response. See - you learn something new every day at Horrorthon.
As you can see, I started that last comment long ago and didn't read the disappointing news that it was all a hoax..
i wonder why the phrase, "rolled up sock" (as in, "dude's got a nice rolled up sock") never took off.
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