Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Haiku Hump Day: Driving!

That's right. We all do it, even though we know it's probably bad for us.

Sometimes it's a stresser,

sometimes it's the bees knees.

Sometimes it's the worst possible thing you could imagine.

Maybe you don't drive, and ride a bike instead. That's still relevant.

Maybe you had a noteworthy first car.

Maybe you can explain what's going on here.

Those of you who have experienced driving in Rhode Island or Massachusetts may have stories of particular interest.

No limit on complaints about people who don't use turn signals.

Seventeen syllables or less.* Go!

(*Actually no, not less.)


Octopunk said...

I drive in LA
Turn signals ignored daily
The rage never stops

Octopunk said...

Time wasted waiting
It turns out you were turning
Why dint you tell me?

Catfreeek said...

Left lane slow driver
won't move it so I can pass
Must be a Masshole

Nice cruise on highway
til a jerk spots his exit
zips across 4 lanes

My neighbor can't drive
takes her three tries to pull in
to her own driveway

JPX said...

The Rhode Island 'drift'
We don't merge into traffic
We nudge our way in

I hate pickup trucks
Giant beasts on my bumper
Tea Party sticker

Catfreeek said...

Old people driving
don't even get me started
like watching "Death Race"

Old people driving
Why don't they take the RIde bus
wait, they drive the RIde

Old people driving
You're on the wrong side Grandma!
What country is this?

Old people driving
Steady speed of 25
they're on the highway

Old people driving
Huge cars like tanks of terror
driven by the blind

Old people driving
Swerving, is that person drunk?
Nope, just a Q-tip

JPX said...

Pickup truck owners
Share some characteristics
Yep, Republican

Let's see, U.S. flag
A pro-life bumper sticker
It's a pickup truck

A dangling cross
A McCain/Palin sticker
Guess what? Pickup truck!

JPX said...

If you value life
Don't get in Whirlygirl's car
A cat with no lives

*ring, ring* Me: "Hello?"
"My car is having problems"
Whirlygirl lament

Catfreeek said...

Dear plow truck driver
do you have to be so rude?
License to be jerk!

Modern woman: Text
apply make-up, drink coffee
while driving to work

Octopunk said...

You've got a great CAR
Yeah, what's wrong with it today?
Well, sucks to be you

Catfreeek said...

Tony fixes cars
so his car is always broke
mechanics lament

Age of rude drivers
Stop line? Who cares! Yellow light?
Punch it and race through!

Turn signal? What's that?
Yield sign? You must be kidding!
There are no road rules.

Catfreeek said...

You know what irks me
Drivers with dogs on their lap
it's not fucking cute!

Didn't see you there
Dogs drool clouded the mirror
so sorry your dead

JPX said...

Octo once got mad
He punched his windshield, it broke
Later on we laughed

Once rode with Octo
He went right through a stop sign
Cop pulled him over

Once rode with Octo
He crashed DCD's Honda
See a pattern here?

He once rear-ended
Another car on a bridge
There's a pattern here

So what's the lesson?
Don't get in a car with him
If you value life

Catfreeek said...

Moral of "Thinner"
Never get BJ in car
with Gypsies in town

Catfreeek said...

Paul's first drive lesson
Knocks mirror off a parked car
Instructor, "Just go!"

AC said...

moral of "garp" too
never get bj in car
bad things will happen

Catfreeek said...

Bad car BJ three
"Curb Your Enthusiasm"
Do we spot a trend?

JPX said...

I hate dealerships
I go to get oil changed
They "recommend" things

"You tires are bald"
"You need new tires", they say
"Only six-hundred"

They come up with more
"You need a new air filter"
"Just 100 bucks"

"How about some wipers"
"With labor only fifty"
"We can do it now"

"Transmission fluid,
is beginning to break down,
We'll change it for you"

I just stare at him,
Finally I say, No thank you,
Just change the oil"

That was months ago,
Car is running perfectly
I hate dealerships

HandsomeStan said...

They cannot fly yet
They cannot talk to me yet
That is why I cry

Cruise control, radar
Auto-braking, voice commands
We're so goddamned close

Road trip to RI
I say, "Engage Smart-Drive, Kitt."
Crack open road beer

Mr. AC said...

In the dead of night
Rolling car out of driveway
Pre-license joy ride

'80 Ford Escort
Reverse donuts, tires smoke
Burned out the engine

Bored suburban teens
Smoke up and take random turns
Getting lost is fun

Cold lizard in car
"Must get him back to hot rock"
Cop was unimpressed

Next millennium
"gear heads" will use cold fusion
to soup up their cars

Octopunk said...

Block intersection
Wait for the yellow -- or red
Left turns in LA

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Nice Dandy Warhols reference Octo!

To drive in Boston
You must find your inner rage
It’s about revenge

A car passes you?
That’s a war declaration
This must be answered

California rules:
Do whatever you feel like
As long as you wave

I can see myself
Buying a motorcycle
And then crashing it

Catfreeek said...

Driving in Japan
Just keep up with the traffic
and avoid mopeds

AC said...

MA drivers suck
i just take the T most days
escape the ordeal

MA drivers suck
i've arranged my work schedule
to avoid rush hour

MA drivers suck
plus we have these rotaries
icing on the cake

Catfreeek said...

Driving in R.I.
can be some risky business
most are uninsured

I just don't get it
with modern technology
can't they track this stuff

Half this states' drivers
are unlicensed illegals
hit you and your fucked

Catfreeek said...

AAF Boston
Would have old driver alerts
so hilarious

I saw an old gal
try to turn left on a bridge
slammed into the wall

Johnny Sweatpants said...

There’s a special place
In Hell for people who honk
Their horns in traffic

JPX said...

Drove by a school bus
Some of the kids flipped me off
It made me depressed

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Deep family shame
JPX can’t drive a stick
He refused to learn

JPX said...

It's my SECRET shame
Many have tried to teach me
I just can't drive shift

Catfreeek said...

Outing your brother
and from a guy with no car
for shame JSP

Mr. AC said...

Drove by a school bus
Some of the kids flipped me off
So I rammed the bus

Catfreeek said...

Drove by a school bus
Some kids were waving to me
so I flipped them off

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Where to, Miss Daisy?
How 'bout I take your white ass
Straight through the ghetto?

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Drove by a school bus
Introduced them to my ass
This haiku is true

Mr. AC said...

Bad driver: My mom
Her feet just reach the pedals
and her vision sucks

Sometimes in traffic
I imagine my headlights
Are really lasers

NYC drivers
Aggressive but capable
I like to drive there

Drivers in Boston
are aggressive and stupid
I hate driving there

Highway mathematics
Take the posted speed limit
And add nine to it

JPX said...

Just spoke to Whirly
Her car is being looked at
Making a strange sound

Mr. AC said...

Car seats absorb farts
But they release the odor

Drove to work today
Salt coated windshield, and then
wiper fluid died

Mrs. AC laughs
When I play Grand Theft Auto
I can't drive for shit

Catfreeek said...

Best job that I had
Driving taxi in Japan
Drunk sailor transport

Paid to spend the night
driving and talking with folks
you can learn alot

Drunk guys gave good tips
but sometimes showed their penis
a small price to pay

DCD said...

Lame bumper stickers.
Please, people! Just shows the rest
of us - You're stupid.

DCD said...

"Coexist" sticker.
Yeah, you're "religious message"
Ain't changin' no one!

Stopped at a red light.
Hmm. Coexist. Coexist.
I see the light!! NOT.

DCD said...

Worse yet! We saw a
silver ball sac hanging from
a pick-up truck's hitch.

Swaying back and forth,
back and forth. Desroc and I
COULD NOT believe it!

DCD said...

I prefer to drive.
It's not that I don't trust you...
Oh wait, yes it is.

Some may disagree,
But fact of it is, I'm the
best driver I know.

DCD said...

Daily ride to work
route one-fourteen. My very
own Nascar racetrack.

Inside my head I'm
always racing. I guess I'm
my Dad's own saying!

DCD said...

Don't get me started
on road rage. Terrible thing.
So MOVE, ya mo-mo!

DCD said...

Working at Westin,
"Can you go help valet?" Sure!
*Pray for no stick shifts*

Garage exit went
uphill. I stalled so many
damn, f-ing stick shifts!

miko564 said...

HA! How timely. Too tired to Haiku. Had a conference in Orlando over the weekend, no planes on Thursday...drove from PA to FL to be there for Saturday start. Just got back miles=2257. Haiku that motherfuckers!

Catfreeek said...