Damn this was a tough one! I'm doing the list thing, cause that's just how I roll. Plus, I want everyone to know how much I enjoyed these!Mrs. X - (not touching the wet pussy one.)
The one that made me really laugh because I could relate to it so well,
Declaw all the cats!
"Inhumane!" say some. Well, fine.
Tell that to the couch.
Cat had many, but this argument against dogs is actually kind of a good one,
Dogs eat the cat poop
then lavishly adore you
by licking your face
Horrifically true!
Handsome's send ups of Cat were classic!
Stray rhinoceros
Beady eyes were just SO cute
Feeding dish issues
Whirly's montage to the white lizard...Woman, you just keep getting more interesting! (Plus you belong to a snake club?!?!)
JPX - our very own non-pet person apparently killed me with these,
Had some Sea Monkeys
I was so disappointed
Never saw the king
If I step in shit
I don't try to save my shoes
I throw them away
(this really had me rolling, picturing JPX throwing out perfectly good shoes, that just happened to have shit on them.)
I was also laughing with this one that had just that right JSP tone,
Most dogs gross me out
What's with all the ass sniffing?
Have some self-respect
Mr. AC AND AC herself were cranking out some great ones. My favorite from Mr,
Gandalf at college
He shit on my roomate, Brad
While he was sleeping
I FULLY agree with AC's take on birds as pets,
I don't understand
the "bird as pet" concept
life sentence plus poop
And she was thisclose to taking it all with this one,
we love cats too much
we celebrate "caturday"
every fucking week
if ONLY for the path my brain led me down picturing Mr AC and herself in their Caturday worship hats, bowing down to their Taiga shrine.
Then there is Octo's take on JSP's friend Armpit,
If your name's Armpit
Perhaps you have low standards
Because, well...Armpit
But in the end, dear readers, it was another Burt Cross inspired 'ku that ruled the day,
My Dad loves his pets
Yet trapped a hundred squirrels
And drowned their asses.
It's so terrible, and so true. Congratulations, brudder!
12 comments:
Nice one, Octo! And yes, great topic, DCD!
(I really feel that the "Snake Club" deserves some exploration, too...)
Yes, yes, I think I speak for all of us when I say I need specifics about Whirly's snake club.
Congrats Octo! You were on freakin' fire this week. This one won my heart:
Birds peck your eyes out
Snakes strangle you in your sleep
Fish are just stupid
Awesome topic DCD!
Congrats Octo! I agree, you were on fire!
My faves of the day were:
JPX~ My poor cat 'Fluffy'
Apparently I killed her
Threw her down the stairs
and these two slams aimed at our cat killer
AC~"mitch mckeever" here
no excuse for killing cats
jeff still dead to me
Octo~JPX advice
To a grieving pet owner
"Buy another one"
Oh and I agree, fantastic topic DCD :)
totally inspirational topic dcd! i was gonna let taiga's godparents kick in some guest haikus but they live in d.c. and were otherwise occupied. and taiga thoroughly approves of the "worship hat" idea, starting this caturday.
well done octo! if the dog vs cat motif had developed earlier in the day we might have hit 200 comments.
and johnny, your "trouser python" haiku had mr. ac laughing til he snorted.
really, stellar entries all 'round.
Congratulations Octo! Very awesome topic, DCD! I meant to write some on my hatred of litter boxes but time got away from me.
Alright Stan and JSP, I'll give you a few details about the snake club. It was a club started by me, my sister, and my cousins. We wrote and sang several songs about snakes and other reptiles, which I will take to my grave. We drew pictures of snakes, and discussed snakes amongst ourselves and anyone who would listen. We also had a save the snakes campaign. We made flyers and stuffed them in mailboxes and put them under windshield wipers. The snakes weren't really in danger but we had to have a cause. My house was filled with various snakes, lizards, frogs, and turtles. My favorite was my snapping turtle, which I named Woody because I found him in the woods.
In case you're wondering, the white lizard story is almost true. I got him at the reptile institute in New York, which was my favorite place on earth. I was with my family at a German festival, so I had to send him home with my aunt. You might find it amusing that at this festival my mom made me dress in lederhosen and also forced me to enter a contest dressed as a hummel. Anyway, my aunt thought the lizard needed a bed so she threw down some cat litter. Instead of comforting him, it poisoned him. My mom was so upset and said we should freeze him in case we could find a cure. She covered his body in aluminum foil and stored him In the freezer. We never actually ate him, but we kept unwrapping his body. Sometimes you'd here a scream in the kitchen, and you knew that meant someone unwrapped the lizard. The whole situation was just ridiculous. To this day I still don't understand it.
Oh my god! I'm so thrilled! That was one of my favorite haiku exchanges ever. I've been so loving the little contentious subplots that have been popping up lately, and yesterday's were fantastic.
The "JPX hates animals" romp was a riot, and I was so pleased when people actually responded to my Cats v Dogs gauntlet, thrown down so late at night. And then there was JPX's brilliant opening-gate inclusion of porn names -- so awesome!
DCD touched on a lot of my faves in this post, including JPX's Sea Monkey one, JSP's butt-sniffing one, and AC's "life sentence plus poop."
But I really thought it was over when I read this one:
A word of advice
If you want to meet girls
Don't walk your lizard
Like JSP's limerick from Monday, I would read it again and just start laughing. I was about to post a comment in praise of it when I noticed the missing syllable in line 2, and decided not to make a stink because "don't walk your lizard" is an epic turn of phrase. It made me wonder if Mr. AC was part Japanese (but since I've never met him, I realize that might be common knowledge).
I must admit that I did point out the missing syl to DCD in a text today, because I feared the epic of Gandalf so. And because I'm that petty.
Stan also cracked me up with "You are not a dog." So perfect I almost bagged my follow up, inferior Chihuahauku. And great analysis of Salacious Crumb, worst non Jar Jar character ever.
Sis, this topic was bad-ASS. Nice work.
See ya next week!
Jeepers, I just read Whirlygirl's lizard story. I...uh...
I don't understand it either.
I mean..."Someday they'll find a cure?" Would she have frozen a less conveniently-sized animal?
Or dare I ask... did she?
Gads, and there's also the lederhosen and Hummel contest as part of the same story... this all runs so deep!
Congrats, Octo! I agree, this was a terrific, and revealing haiku topic (props DCD!).
Whirly, you had me rolling with your snake club descriptions! Are you still in a snake club? Would you think less of me if I told you that snakes creep me the hell out?
I was also rolling. Damn Whirlygirl, you never cease to drop my jaw. Every time you answer a question another layer of your strange life is revealed and an infinite number of follow up questions come to mind. Can I join your snake club and learn your songs?
Octo & DCD - what's with the squirrel massacre? Squirrels never done hurt nobody.
Territorial thing. My dad always hated squirrels in the backyard. Got a "kind trap" which caged animals without harming them. Next he would cancel out the karma of the kind trap by throwing the animal, cage and all, in the pool.
The squirrel count was more like 150. And about 50 raccoons.
He's a great guy, and I doubt he'd like this story going around, but he doesn't like squirrels.
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