Monday, June 30, 2008

An open letter


Dear 1980s high school picture girl,

You have no idea how much I loathe you. Not a day goes by where I don’t eventually stumble upon your homely visage. I never know when it’s going to happen, but eventually you always end up popping up and disrupting my day with your ugly-ass glasses, your clown nose, and a haircut that can only be described as looking like the tip of a circumcised penis.

Barber: What’ll it be today?

1980s high school picture girl: “Give me the penis”

Barber: “Circumcised or uncircumcised?”

1980s high school picture girl: “Circumcised, please”

Barber: “Will do!”

Believe it or not 1980s high school picture girl, I don’t care whether or not you became a model. I don’t care to know anything about you. All I know is that you probably weren’t getting any in high school due to your penis haircut and glasses that can most likely be seen from outer space.

If anything, your picture is the number one reason I’m not curious about people from high school. I have never met you but I hope you are somewhere being unhappy. I hate you.

JPX



UPDATE!

Things didn't improve for 1980s high school picture girl.

5 comments:

miko564 said...

WOW, that is perfect, well done!

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Hysterical.

Of course, everything looks like a penis to you JPX...

Actually on second glance you're absolutely right!

DCD said...

LMAO!! There is also the one where it's the picture of that chick and another picture of some dufus guy and that caption is "She married HIM?"

He has an equally bad haircut.

HandsomeStan said...

Only a psychologist would have that kind of keen eye to point out to the rest of us what we're missing. Brilliant and hysterical! And if you blur your vision, the resemblance is uncanny.

(JPX, can you also spot the tower of the castle in The Little Mermaid that's apparently a penis? I haven't had the time to go through with the renting and the freeze-framing, but I've always been curious.)

(Not about penises. About twisted Disney animators. Hope that's clear.)

(I did freeze-frame that bit in the Lion King when he flops down on the cliff, and the dust that spews out briefly spells out the word "Sex." It totally does.)

There's also that dude in the print ads in magazines: "Did you survive the 70s?" You know who I'm talkin' about...

Octopunk said...

Damn, how do you think that woman must feel every time she sees her own face and the "She's a model now?!" tag? That'd be enough to keep me off the internet.

Then again, she deserves it, the dang penis-head.