Saturday, February 28, 2009

What's wrong with this picture?

I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my BIKE is supposed to be in it! Somebody dang stole my bike last weekend. That is the third time that's happened to me in California.

Fortunately, it was a 200 dollar bike from Target because I suspected this might happen, and so I'm far less pissed off than if it had been, say, a 800 dollar bike. That would imply I was only one fourth as pissed, but actually I think it's less than that. Eight months at 200 bucks isn't bad. And really it was over a year, but after 8 months I got my car, and spiders made webs on my bike. Literally. At least one black widow, too. I'm sure that plays into my lack of rage as well.

Of course, it still sucks.

But I'll tell ya what doesn't suck, and what's right with this picture, which is it doesn't have the freaking Freddy Kreuger phone in it. I've been wincing every time that damn thing has popped up all afternoon and evening, and so I was inspired to post about my stolen bike. It's not the tongue, it's that chin. It's so stupid fakey and scary gross at the same time.

I'm your boyfriend now, Nancy!

11 comments:

Catfreeek said...

Just think, now you can go on your own adventure just like Pee Wee. Remember though, the Alamo has no basement.

JPX said...

Ah dude I'm sorry, that totally sucks. JSP had his bike stolen out there (and in Boston come to think about it). I suppose it's easier than stealing other forms of transportation like cars. What if when you locked your bike you took the seat with you, or the seat and one wheel?

miko564 said...

I say you just encourage more Black Widows to nest in the next one...
Oh, sure, it will make riding it a bit of a project, but I like the idea of the thief getting repeatedly bitten in the nether regions as he/she rides away in criminal triumph.

Dana's Brain said...

All bike thieves should be hung up by their toenails!!! We had three bikes stolen from us when we lived in Key West. Bastards!

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I'm really sorry man, a pain I know all too well. I've gotten quite emotionally attached to my current perfectly awesome cruiser and if gets stolen I'm going to go on a rampage like you wouldn't believe.

I don't ask anyone for anything - just don't steal my shit! Motherf$*#@ers...

I'm on the market for another bike. Have you seen those weird ones where you're basically lying down, low to the ground? Everyone I ride past who has one looks so damn content and thoroughly satisfied. I'm dying of curiosity.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I remember your post on I Love Monsters when your last one was swiped. That pissed me off also.

The U-locks are allegedly much more difficult to penetrate but are still vulnerable to thieves with big-ass bolt cutters. I use 2 locks now but I'm still terrified when my bike is parked in Berkeley.

Dana's Brain- you're too kind. Bike thieves should be roasted slowly and painfully, over an open fire, with Michael Bolton blaring in the background.

Jeff said...

"Have you seen those weird ones where you're basically lying down, low to the ground? "

Every time I see someone on one of those I want to punch them! It's as if the bike was designed to be as ridiculously uncomfortable, complicated, and impractical as possible, in order to make the statement, "Sure I look like an ass, but I'm different, damnit!"

I can attest to the fact that JSP's bike is awesome.

Dana's Brain said...

Are you talking about a recumbent bike?

Octo's and my Dad had one of those. It always kind of cracked me up to see him riding that thing. It just didn't look like it should keep him up!

Dana's Brain said...

Oh yeah, one other thing. I was just re-reading the post and how you weren't that mad because it was only a Target bike. One of the bikes that got stolen from us in KW was desroc's Gary Fisher. Not a cheap bicycle.

We do not mention the Gary Fisher.

AC said...

sorry abuot the bike, octo, though glad it is not too tragic a loss.

i've had a cheapish mountain bike stolen, and husband's had an expensive bike go missing until a police officer thoughtfully cruised the neighborhood and found a kid riding said bike the same day. phew.

i second the more violent suggestions about bike thieves and would go further along the booby-trap lines even than our fierce miko.

i happen to be anti-recumbents (no offense to dana and octo's dad), but possibly i'm jut anti-smugness.

Whirlygirl said...

Bike thieves are assholes!