Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Haiku Hump Day - 80s Movies!



That’s right, 80s movies! When I started thinking about what film images to use in this post to represent 80s cinema, I quickly became overwhelmed. I had forgotten just how many “treasures” came from that decade. Sure we love to make fun of the 80s, and the 80s deserve to be made fun of, but damnit I love 80s cinema, the good, the unspeakably bad, and the horrendous. The 80s was a time when cool franchises were starting to wane (e.g. Bond), cool franchises were created (e.g., A Nightmare on Elm Street), cool films were given increasingly terrible sequels (e.g., A Nightmare on Elm Street), John Hughes created his best stuff, the “action film” was defined, rap movies were popular, Eddie Murphy was funny, soundtracks were replete with new wave music, clothing style was the ugliest, most teen films contained boobs, and Mr. Miyagi taught Danielson valuable life lessons. Believe it or not I edited out a lot as I realized that this post was becoming insanely long. So come on gang, turn up your boombox, and give me some 80s gold! Below are some images to get your creative juices flowing. It's going to be a great day.


80s "cool"


The epitome of testosterone


Breakin' with Ozone and Turbo


This image fills me with murderous rage






"I must break you"



"I'm too old to be Bond!"


Worst movie of all time?


Mad Max movies were cool before this film


The 80s gave us lots of comedy gold?


Awful horror sequels


Pre-insane Tom Cruise


Help me, I'm in a bad musical. Wait, they're all bad!


Illegal dancing


JPX's favorite comedy of all time


JPX's other favorite comedy

120 comments:

JPX said...

He was Del Griffith
He sold shower curtain rings
An easy target

Neil Page, curmudgeon
Spent some time with Del Griffith
Learned some life lessons

Neil Page was angry
He just wanted to get home
Fat man stole his cab

JPX said...

The Breakfast Club kids
One day of group therapy
All problems resolved

Catfreeek said...

Corey, Corey
From Goonies to The Lost Boys
Dynamic Duo

Catfreeek said...

The big chill was just
The Breakfast Club for adults
Still had same issues

Why really big hair?
Time will not be forgiving
Yearbook pics survive

Tale of Long Duk Dong
Wrecked Grampa's Oto-mo-biiile
Found sexy girlfriend

Woke up hungover
Said Samantha get married
To oily bohunk

JPX said...

Arnold made big films
Conan the Barbarian
Still haven't seen it

AC said...

hard to beat bloodsport.
kumite, based on real life,
jean-claude's nude bootay.

i thought aliens
beat alien till jordan
proved that i was wrong

i still get teary
at the end of spinal tap
when nigel rejoins

buckaroo banzai
has it all, with just one flaw:
insane shoulder pads.

AC said...

critics love to hate
johnny dangerously but
i say it's a hoot.

JPX said...

Buckaroo Banzai
I've never gotten through it
Can't get into it

AC said...

husband repellant:
victor/victoria. does
husband have issues?

AC said...

i think buckaroo
is an acquired taste. watch 5
or 10 times, you'll see.

Chris said...

Twenty five years since,
"What the fuck are robster craws?"
And it still kills me.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Not gonna fall for
Banana in the the tailpipe
'Cuz we're the first team

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Funny guy, Sully
That's why he will kill you last
Or else maybe not...

Johnny Sweatpants said...

ET charmed the world
But I think he's weird looking
Rather hang with ALF

Johnny Sweatpants said...

It's confession time:
I have never seen Top Gun
And you can't make me

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Can someone explain
The appeal of Blues Brothers?
I just don't get it

Johnny Sweatpants said...

The Road Warrior
Taught me all I know about
Being a badass

JPX said...

Still think he's a jerk
Never liked Ferris Bueller
Always used his friends

Octopunk said...

I say save Ferris!
Sociopath? I don't care
Shake it up, baby

Octopunk said...

I thought Shue would plotz
Singing "Babysitter Blues"
But it was awesome!

AC said...

yay, robster craws!

AC said...

decade of guilty
pleasures: road house, big trouble,
top secret!, hairspray.

Landshark said...

C. Thomas Howell?
Everyone else did so well...
Stay gold, Pony Boy.

JPX said...

Cameron was sad
Tried to drown himself in pool
Ferris didn't care

Chris said...

Airplane was funny.
Surely the Zuckers' best work.
Don't call me Shirley.

Octopunk said...

JPX is whack
Buckaroo Banzai kicks ass
Best Lithgow ever

JPX said...

Principal not bad
Just preventing truancy
Why root against him?

JPX said...

I'll never get it
Why they like Dirty Dancing
Chicks are a strange breed

HandsomeStan said...

Want a lightcycle
Turning at 90 degrees
Must really hurt though

That jerk MCP
Wants to control the whole world
Just throw a Frisbee

JPX said...

Must've been our mood
Watched Back to the Beach With Oc
Laughed like Hyenas

JPX said...

A View to a Kill
Bond was like 70 in it
Just embarrassing

JPX said...

Bueller was selfish
Put his own interests first
Charming? Annoying!

JPX said...

Looking for his bike
Began to consume Pee-Wee
It was a cool bike

Chris said...

Bosom swells with pride.
"Nothing to be proud of Russ."
(to self) "Fifty yards . . ."

Chris said...

Mr. Hand taught school.
Brad's hand stroked to Phoebe Cates.
Ok, so did mine.

Catfreeek said...

Those big haired vampires
Hendrickson and Paxton kill
Near Dark was awesome

St. Elmo's Fire was
Brat Pack reaches college age
What were they thinking?

9½ weeks
Kim & Mickey get it on
Again and again

Jodie got gang raped
Up on a pinball machine
All about Big Dan's

We were all so duped
Thought it was a real horror
Just April Fool's Day

Michael J Fox went
Back to the Future and he
made two more sequels

If you should need help
Removing unwanted folks
Just call Beetlejuice

Arnie got hooked up
His car could fix itself but
It liked killing too

Catfreeek said...

Ferris was ok
Jeanie always got the shaft
She should have killed him

Johnny Sweatpants said...

St. Elmo's Fire...
Now that song is in my head
A guilty pleasure?

Catfreeek said...

Whoopie was ugly
Oprah fat with attitude
and Shug sang the blues

Catfreeek said...

He was Snake Plissken
Had an eye patch and tattoo
I thought he was hot

Chris said...

Send in Snake Plissken.
He could save the president.
And with one eye closed.

HandsomeStan said...

Here's a reprint from last week, as it's doubly relevant:

Ferris Bueller played
Global Thermonuclear War
And we almost died

Moving on:

Mercy for the weak
A grown man trains teenage thugs
A wuss beats them all

A kick to the face
Totally illegal move
Why did Daniel win?

Most unlikely pair
Ever in the universe
Daniel and Ali

Chris said...

I'm not staying here.
We'll do it for Johnny, man!
Leif Garret's a puss.

Chris said...

I know he's the lead,
But Ralph Macchio bugs me.
Sweep the leg Johnny!

Catfreeek said...

Chris, you're cracking me up

JPX said...

I'm so sick of it
That old fake orgasm scene
Cute? Pain in the ass

When Harry met her
He should've run away quickly
Bet he's sad today

Everyone loves it
The ultimate couple's film
Annie Hall rip-off

JPX said...

Chariots of Fire
Left it fast and watched Porky's
I made the right choice

JPX said...

Arm wrestling film
Is there a more boring theme?
Yes there is, running

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Never seen a guy
Picked up by his testicles
But Neil asked for it

AC said...

a word to the wise
never watch caddyshack if
tv-edited

was dice clay's career
gretched because of ford fairlane?
if not, should have been

JPX said...

Edited films suck
Never watch Halloween II
The boob scene is gone

There are exceptions
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Includes extra scenes

JPX said...

Love the Death Wish films
Sure they're all ridiculous
But Bronson kicks ass

Catfreeek said...

Must thank the 80's
For Bruce Campbell's chainsaw arm
Bloody fun for all

Singing, dancing dorks
Fame! Want to live forever?
I just wish they'd die

She is a dancer
No silly, she's a welder
Nope, just a stripper

The Fog rolled in town
Sickle bearing ghouls killed all
Adrienne's tits lived

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Segal is the crap
By which I mean he's awesome
It's a proven fact

In his perfect world
Bad guys get what they deserve
A pipe up the ass

HandsomeStan said...

Clubber Lang's the name
Whoopin Rocky's ass the game
Gon' crucify him

Where else would you get
Hulk Hogan as Thunderlips
Again: "Thunderlips."

Chris said...

Thanks for the props, Cat :) I see we posted our Escape From New York ku's almost simultaneously! Sweet! And nice call out to Adrienne Barbeau's tits. I tried to work them into an earlier haiku that I trashed.

HandsomeStan said...

Here comes Predator
If it bleeds, we can kill it
By "we" I mean "me"

Jesse "The Body"
Used a helicopter gun
Ain't got time to bleed

Johnny Sweatpants said...

What was that Del said?
"I haven't been home in years."
What about Marie?

HandsomeStan said...

Russians attacking!
Hope the high school football team
Can fight them all off

Once we snuck into
That movie Satisfaction
Waste of no money


And MrsX can't resist:

Got my boom box here
Profess my love, just hit "Play"
Damn, batteries dead

Chris said...

Sunrise on the beach.
A be-robed Gordon Gekko
Lugs colossal phone.

JPX said...

Poor Molly Ringwald
People forgot her birthday
Get over yourself

I never got it
She always played the hot girl
I think she's fugly

Johnny Sweatpants said...

It's bothering me...
"I haven't been home in years."
Just what did that mean?

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I think I get it.
"I haven't been home in years."
Back to the station!

Landshark said...

Before Charles in Charge
Baio and Ames were Zappers.
My first booby flick.

HandsomeStan said...

Egon, Stantz, Venkman
Fought Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man
And that bitch Gozer

We can cross the streams
But crossing the streams is bad
The guns? Or peeing?

Landshark said...

Jason is alive;
hot nurse is in the hot tub
Second booby scene.

Octopunk said...

That's Halloween, fool!
Number 2 to be exact
Michael, not Jason

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Is there something you
Can share with the rest of us
Amazing Larry?

Landshark said...

Indy was the bomb-
But really the best he could
do was Karen Allen?

Chris said...

Know Trading Places?
Dan A. and Eddie, good pair.
Jamie Lee, great pair.

HandsomeStan said...

JSP, hilarious. Mainly because it DEMANDS to be read just like he says it.

I say we hang him
Then cut him, then we kill him
Wait, wait - Tequila!

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Del stays for turkey
Shares some laughs and spins some yarns
A happy ending?

Johnny Sweatpants said...

But what will become
Of this lovable fella?
Where will he go next?

Octopunk said...

Perhaps Canada?
Leading the invasion force
With Rhea Perlman

JPX said...

Season of the Witch
But where is Michael Myers?
Also, where's the witch?

Catfreeek said...

Dell lost his Marie
What's JSP's obsession?
He made a friend, right.

Catfreeek said...

Arnold got raw deal
Wife threw a shit cake at him
I laughed my ass off

HandsomeStan said...

Good morning Pee Wee
Just look at that face Pee Wee
Buxtons are not thieves

JPX said...

It was a train wreck
That Sgt. Peppers movie
Whose idea was that?

JPX said...

I want to like it
But Big Top Pee-Wee stinks
Not a single laugh

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Sgt Peppers was
In fact from the 70's
But you're right - it sucked

Johnny Sweatpants said...

To Mario's shop!
Stock up on a few supplies.
Headlight glasses, please.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Francis is busy!
Doing what? Taking his bath,
and playing King Kong.

Catfreeek said...

Frank Booth was creepy
Masked and inhaling nitrous
Demented old fart

Welcome to Brazil
It's only a state of mind
Terry Gilliam's

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Steve's brain child or a real flop?
Methinks that it's both

JPX said...

Empire Strikes Back
The best of the Star Wars films
"I am your father!"

JPX said...

I love Flash Gordon!
Made me afraid of tree stumps
Won't stick my hand there

JPX said...

Who you gonna call?
I'm tired of Ghostbusters
Won't watch it again

Catfreeek said...

Pee Wee had cool stuff
one thing that bothered me though
How'd he afford it?

Thought that his bike was
In the Alamo's basement
but he got the shaft

Pee Wee got one line
It's, "Paging Mr.Herman..."
But it's not his voice

nowandzen said...

Something in us all
John Hughes as Woody Allen
Portraying youth angst

nowandzen said...

Watches her undress
Ferris your my hero
Boing full on boner

JPX said...

Andrew McCarthy
What the hell happened to him?
Oh yeah, Mannequin

Isn't Mannequin
Just a way to justify
Screwing a large doll?

nowandzen said...

Check this out true story
Friend saw Grease five times one day
No not shitting five

Octopunk said...

Aarrrrmy training sir!
It's 80's comedy gold
Boom chugga lugga

JPX said...

Revenge of the Nerds
Made us sympathize with nerds
Wait, I am a nerd

JPX said...

Stripes doesn't hold up
Watched it pretty recently
Annoyed by Ramis

AC said...

quiz embedded in
next 4 haikus. guess title
before final line.

olivia, cute
as a button, not much of
an actress, can skate.

gene kelly: handsome,
athletic, charming, graceful.
needed cash badly?

the male lead was so
forgettable. could look him
up, but won't bother

ELO theme is
stuck in my head, now yours too:
Xan-a-duuuuu-uuuuuu-uuuuu!

JPX said...

I have to confess
I love that damn "magic" song
But Xanadu stunk

HandsomeStan said...

AC, I tried, but I flunked the quiz. Somehow I'm glad.

Why kill Optimus?
Oh, that's right - to sell new toys
Hot Rod really sucked

Soundwave superior
Rumble, Ravage, Lazerbeak
All come from his chest

(I almost went with Transformers as a HHD Topic. Talk about polarization!)

JPX said...

Didn't you love it
When Spock knocked out that bus jerk?
Next time keep sound low!

Star Trek II the best?
That honor would go to VI
Khan was awesome though

JPX said...

Good lord, Handsomestan,
The answer is the last line
I addressed it too!

Octopunk said...

Important lessons:
Alamo's got no basement
Never drink and bake

Say you are a god
Without lamps there'd be no light
Down here is our time

Life moves pretty fast
Watch out for Gary Busey
This is not a cave

Octopunk said...

That's basically eight movie quizzes right there.

I am still giggling over the Amazing Larry haiku.

HandsomeStan said...

I figured as such
Just never saw Xanadu
Don't think I want to

I will still maintain
IV beats VI only slightly
The bus jerk WAS loud

JPX said...

The problem with IV
Is that it looks dated now
VI could still happen

HandsomeStan said...

Debating Star Trek
With JPX is wrong. Quoth
Drago: "You will lose."

(And the following movie is ON right now, so...)

The Wyld Stallyns
Unify the whole cosmos
Could really happen

The guitar solo
In the mall: Best thing the band
Extreme ever did

HandsomeStan said...

Nerds will beat the jocks
And bag the blonde cheerleader
Only in movies

Where is Mr. T?
Rocky III to D.C. Cab
Oh, that explains it

Breakin' beats Beat Street
But the Fat Boys in Krush Groove
Beat just everything

JPX said...

Watching Breakin' now
Hilariously awful
Krush Groove is the best!

HandsomeStan said...

Put the Fat Boys at
An All-You-Can-Eat buffet:
Cinematic gold

HandsomeStan said...

If you still take drugs
Go rent The Dark Crystal now
Muppets on mushrooms

JPX said...

Best scene in Breakin'
Turbo dances with a broom
To a Kraftwerk song

HandsomeStan said...

Bacon and Chris Penn
Learn how to dance in a field
There's nothing gay here

Religious Lithgow
Totally outlawed dancing
His "heaven"? BORRR-ing.

HandsomeStan said...

Back to Breakin':

Turbo on ceiling
Gotta save that rec center
Does he have The Force?

World a better place
If we could solve our problems
By just dance-fighting

JPX said...

If all life's problems
Could be resolved by dancing
I would always lose

HandsomeStan said...

There, there, JPX -
I think you could pop-and-lock
With the best of them

One time I windmilled
At a wrap party. Last time
For vodka/Red Bull.

Come to think of it
There are no really good white
Breakdancers. Odd, that.

HandsomeStan said...

Somehow, I totally missed Octo's Eight Quizzes. Brilliant!

In that vein:

Mess with bull - get horns
Flux capacitor...fluxing
Get to da choppah!

JPX said...

Where's DCD? I thought she'd be all over this one. Miko? Whirly? 50?

nowandzen said...

Wax on Wax on yes
For Karate Kid sequels
There is no defense

JPX said...

Next Karate Kid
Starred Million Dollar Baby
It was really lame

50PageMcGee said...

didn't really participate last week, so i'm making up for lost time with this batch

Explorers was fun
Ethan Hawke, River Phoenix
Third kid went nowhere

Cast of Stand By Me
Only fat Vern's still working
Others: dead or lame

If Lorraine Baines were
More of a perv, she could have
Shagged conked out Marty.

Every black actor
Has to play gang banger. Proof?
Don Cheadle: Colors

Goonies didn't lie:
There WAS an octopus scene
Got edited out

(ps - chunk went to my elementary school)

guess the movie...

Rourke: quiet, sexy
Dillon: mugging; lunkheaded
Neither was acting

Trading Places plan
Required ape AND ape costume?
Yeah, that's realistic...

You mean to tell me
Private Pyle and the Thor guy
Played by the same dude?

You find this funny?
"I'd buy that for a dollar!"
Lame sense of humor

My tastes changed a lot
Favorite movie, age 8
was Remo Williams

Left the Fratellis
Living in Chunk's basement now
Improvement? Hardly.

Catfreeek said...

50P your guess the movie is Rumble Fish, right?