That’s right, 80s movies! When I started thinking about what film images to use in this post to represent 80s cinema, I quickly became overwhelmed. I had forgotten just how many “treasures” came from that decade. Sure we love to make fun of the 80s, and the 80s deserve to be made fun of, but damnit I love 80s cinema, the good, the unspeakably bad, and the horrendous. The 80s was a time when cool franchises were starting to wane (e.g. Bond), cool franchises were created (e.g., A Nightmare on Elm Street), cool films were given increasingly terrible sequels (e.g., A Nightmare on Elm Street), John Hughes created his best stuff, the “action film” was defined, rap movies were popular, Eddie Murphy was funny, soundtracks were replete with new wave music, clothing style was the ugliest, most teen films contained boobs, and Mr. Miyagi taught Danielson valuable life lessons. Believe it or not I edited out a lot as I realized that this post was becoming insanely long. So come on gang, turn up your boombox, and give me some 80s gold! Below are some images to get your creative juices flowing. It's going to be a great day.
80s "cool"
The epitome of testosterone
Breakin' with Ozone and Turbo
This image fills me with murderous rage
"I must break you"
"I'm too old to be Bond!"
Worst movie of all time?
Mad Max movies were cool before this film
The 80s gave us lots of comedy gold?
Awful horror sequels
Pre-insane Tom Cruise
Help me, I'm in a bad musical. Wait, they're all bad!
Illegal dancing
JPX's favorite comedy of all time
JPX's other favorite comedy
120 comments:
He was Del Griffith
He sold shower curtain rings
An easy target
Neil Page, curmudgeon
Spent some time with Del Griffith
Learned some life lessons
Neil Page was angry
He just wanted to get home
Fat man stole his cab
The Breakfast Club kids
One day of group therapy
All problems resolved
Corey, Corey
From Goonies to The Lost Boys
Dynamic Duo
The big chill was just
The Breakfast Club for adults
Still had same issues
Why really big hair?
Time will not be forgiving
Yearbook pics survive
Tale of Long Duk Dong
Wrecked Grampa's Oto-mo-biiile
Found sexy girlfriend
Woke up hungover
Said Samantha get married
To oily bohunk
Arnold made big films
Conan the Barbarian
Still haven't seen it
hard to beat bloodsport.
kumite, based on real life,
jean-claude's nude bootay.
i thought aliens
beat alien till jordan
proved that i was wrong
i still get teary
at the end of spinal tap
when nigel rejoins
buckaroo banzai
has it all, with just one flaw:
insane shoulder pads.
critics love to hate
johnny dangerously but
i say it's a hoot.
Buckaroo Banzai
I've never gotten through it
Can't get into it
husband repellant:
victor/victoria. does
husband have issues?
i think buckaroo
is an acquired taste. watch 5
or 10 times, you'll see.
Twenty five years since,
"What the fuck are robster craws?"
And it still kills me.
Not gonna fall for
Banana in the the tailpipe
'Cuz we're the first team
Funny guy, Sully
That's why he will kill you last
Or else maybe not...
ET charmed the world
But I think he's weird looking
Rather hang with ALF
It's confession time:
I have never seen Top Gun
And you can't make me
Can someone explain
The appeal of Blues Brothers?
I just don't get it
The Road Warrior
Taught me all I know about
Being a badass
Still think he's a jerk
Never liked Ferris Bueller
Always used his friends
I say save Ferris!
Sociopath? I don't care
Shake it up, baby
I thought Shue would plotz
Singing "Babysitter Blues"
But it was awesome!
yay, robster craws!
decade of guilty
pleasures: road house, big trouble,
top secret!, hairspray.
C. Thomas Howell?
Everyone else did so well...
Stay gold, Pony Boy.
Cameron was sad
Tried to drown himself in pool
Ferris didn't care
Airplane was funny.
Surely the Zuckers' best work.
Don't call me Shirley.
JPX is whack
Buckaroo Banzai kicks ass
Best Lithgow ever
Principal not bad
Just preventing truancy
Why root against him?
I'll never get it
Why they like Dirty Dancing
Chicks are a strange breed
Want a lightcycle
Turning at 90 degrees
Must really hurt though
That jerk MCP
Wants to control the whole world
Just throw a Frisbee
Must've been our mood
Watched Back to the Beach With Oc
Laughed like Hyenas
A View to a Kill
Bond was like 70 in it
Just embarrassing
Bueller was selfish
Put his own interests first
Charming? Annoying!
Looking for his bike
Began to consume Pee-Wee
It was a cool bike
Bosom swells with pride.
"Nothing to be proud of Russ."
(to self) "Fifty yards . . ."
Mr. Hand taught school.
Brad's hand stroked to Phoebe Cates.
Ok, so did mine.
Those big haired vampires
Hendrickson and Paxton kill
Near Dark was awesome
St. Elmo's Fire was
Brat Pack reaches college age
What were they thinking?
9½ weeks
Kim & Mickey get it on
Again and again
Jodie got gang raped
Up on a pinball machine
All about Big Dan's
We were all so duped
Thought it was a real horror
Just April Fool's Day
Michael J Fox went
Back to the Future and he
made two more sequels
If you should need help
Removing unwanted folks
Just call Beetlejuice
Arnie got hooked up
His car could fix itself but
It liked killing too
Ferris was ok
Jeanie always got the shaft
She should have killed him
St. Elmo's Fire...
Now that song is in my head
A guilty pleasure?
Whoopie was ugly
Oprah fat with attitude
and Shug sang the blues
He was Snake Plissken
Had an eye patch and tattoo
I thought he was hot
Send in Snake Plissken.
He could save the president.
And with one eye closed.
Here's a reprint from last week, as it's doubly relevant:
Ferris Bueller played
Global Thermonuclear War
And we almost died
Moving on:
Mercy for the weak
A grown man trains teenage thugs
A wuss beats them all
A kick to the face
Totally illegal move
Why did Daniel win?
Most unlikely pair
Ever in the universe
Daniel and Ali
I'm not staying here.
We'll do it for Johnny, man!
Leif Garret's a puss.
I know he's the lead,
But Ralph Macchio bugs me.
Sweep the leg Johnny!
Chris, you're cracking me up
I'm so sick of it
That old fake orgasm scene
Cute? Pain in the ass
When Harry met her
He should've run away quickly
Bet he's sad today
Everyone loves it
The ultimate couple's film
Annie Hall rip-off
Chariots of Fire
Left it fast and watched Porky's
I made the right choice
Arm wrestling film
Is there a more boring theme?
Yes there is, running
Never seen a guy
Picked up by his testicles
But Neil asked for it
a word to the wise
never watch caddyshack if
tv-edited
was dice clay's career
gretched because of ford fairlane?
if not, should have been
Edited films suck
Never watch Halloween II
The boob scene is gone
There are exceptions
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Includes extra scenes
Love the Death Wish films
Sure they're all ridiculous
But Bronson kicks ass
Must thank the 80's
For Bruce Campbell's chainsaw arm
Bloody fun for all
Singing, dancing dorks
Fame! Want to live forever?
I just wish they'd die
She is a dancer
No silly, she's a welder
Nope, just a stripper
The Fog rolled in town
Sickle bearing ghouls killed all
Adrienne's tits lived
Segal is the crap
By which I mean he's awesome
It's a proven fact
In his perfect world
Bad guys get what they deserve
A pipe up the ass
Clubber Lang's the name
Whoopin Rocky's ass the game
Gon' crucify him
Where else would you get
Hulk Hogan as Thunderlips
Again: "Thunderlips."
Thanks for the props, Cat :) I see we posted our Escape From New York ku's almost simultaneously! Sweet! And nice call out to Adrienne Barbeau's tits. I tried to work them into an earlier haiku that I trashed.
Here comes Predator
If it bleeds, we can kill it
By "we" I mean "me"
Jesse "The Body"
Used a helicopter gun
Ain't got time to bleed
What was that Del said?
"I haven't been home in years."
What about Marie?
Russians attacking!
Hope the high school football team
Can fight them all off
Once we snuck into
That movie Satisfaction
Waste of no money
And MrsX can't resist:
Got my boom box here
Profess my love, just hit "Play"
Damn, batteries dead
Sunrise on the beach.
A be-robed Gordon Gekko
Lugs colossal phone.
Poor Molly Ringwald
People forgot her birthday
Get over yourself
I never got it
She always played the hot girl
I think she's fugly
It's bothering me...
"I haven't been home in years."
Just what did that mean?
I think I get it.
"I haven't been home in years."
Back to the station!
Before Charles in Charge
Baio and Ames were Zappers.
My first booby flick.
Egon, Stantz, Venkman
Fought Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man
And that bitch Gozer
We can cross the streams
But crossing the streams is bad
The guns? Or peeing?
Jason is alive;
hot nurse is in the hot tub
Second booby scene.
That's Halloween, fool!
Number 2 to be exact
Michael, not Jason
Is there something you
Can share with the rest of us
Amazing Larry?
Indy was the bomb-
But really the best he could
do was Karen Allen?
Know Trading Places?
Dan A. and Eddie, good pair.
Jamie Lee, great pair.
JSP, hilarious. Mainly because it DEMANDS to be read just like he says it.
I say we hang him
Then cut him, then we kill him
Wait, wait - Tequila!
Del stays for turkey
Shares some laughs and spins some yarns
A happy ending?
But what will become
Of this lovable fella?
Where will he go next?
Perhaps Canada?
Leading the invasion force
With Rhea Perlman
Season of the Witch
But where is Michael Myers?
Also, where's the witch?
Dell lost his Marie
What's JSP's obsession?
He made a friend, right.
Arnold got raw deal
Wife threw a shit cake at him
I laughed my ass off
Good morning Pee Wee
Just look at that face Pee Wee
Buxtons are not thieves
It was a train wreck
That Sgt. Peppers movie
Whose idea was that?
I want to like it
But Big Top Pee-Wee stinks
Not a single laugh
Sgt Peppers was
In fact from the 70's
But you're right - it sucked
To Mario's shop!
Stock up on a few supplies.
Headlight glasses, please.
Francis is busy!
Doing what? Taking his bath,
and playing King Kong.
Frank Booth was creepy
Masked and inhaling nitrous
Demented old fart
Welcome to Brazil
It's only a state of mind
Terry Gilliam's
Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Steve's brain child or a real flop?
Methinks that it's both
Empire Strikes Back
The best of the Star Wars films
"I am your father!"
I love Flash Gordon!
Made me afraid of tree stumps
Won't stick my hand there
Who you gonna call?
I'm tired of Ghostbusters
Won't watch it again
Pee Wee had cool stuff
one thing that bothered me though
How'd he afford it?
Thought that his bike was
In the Alamo's basement
but he got the shaft
Pee Wee got one line
It's, "Paging Mr.Herman..."
But it's not his voice
Something in us all
John Hughes as Woody Allen
Portraying youth angst
Watches her undress
Ferris your my hero
Boing full on boner
Andrew McCarthy
What the hell happened to him?
Oh yeah, Mannequin
Isn't Mannequin
Just a way to justify
Screwing a large doll?
Check this out true story
Friend saw Grease five times one day
No not shitting five
Aarrrrmy training sir!
It's 80's comedy gold
Boom chugga lugga
Revenge of the Nerds
Made us sympathize with nerds
Wait, I am a nerd
Stripes doesn't hold up
Watched it pretty recently
Annoyed by Ramis
quiz embedded in
next 4 haikus. guess title
before final line.
olivia, cute
as a button, not much of
an actress, can skate.
gene kelly: handsome,
athletic, charming, graceful.
needed cash badly?
the male lead was so
forgettable. could look him
up, but won't bother
ELO theme is
stuck in my head, now yours too:
Xan-a-duuuuu-uuuuuu-uuuuu!
I have to confess
I love that damn "magic" song
But Xanadu stunk
AC, I tried, but I flunked the quiz. Somehow I'm glad.
Why kill Optimus?
Oh, that's right - to sell new toys
Hot Rod really sucked
Soundwave superior
Rumble, Ravage, Lazerbeak
All come from his chest
(I almost went with Transformers as a HHD Topic. Talk about polarization!)
Didn't you love it
When Spock knocked out that bus jerk?
Next time keep sound low!
Star Trek II the best?
That honor would go to VI
Khan was awesome though
Good lord, Handsomestan,
The answer is the last line
I addressed it too!
Important lessons:
Alamo's got no basement
Never drink and bake
Say you are a god
Without lamps there'd be no light
Down here is our time
Life moves pretty fast
Watch out for Gary Busey
This is not a cave
That's basically eight movie quizzes right there.
I am still giggling over the Amazing Larry haiku.
I figured as such
Just never saw Xanadu
Don't think I want to
I will still maintain
IV beats VI only slightly
The bus jerk WAS loud
The problem with IV
Is that it looks dated now
VI could still happen
Debating Star Trek
With JPX is wrong. Quoth
Drago: "You will lose."
(And the following movie is ON right now, so...)
The Wyld Stallyns
Unify the whole cosmos
Could really happen
The guitar solo
In the mall: Best thing the band
Extreme ever did
Nerds will beat the jocks
And bag the blonde cheerleader
Only in movies
Where is Mr. T?
Rocky III to D.C. Cab
Oh, that explains it
Breakin' beats Beat Street
But the Fat Boys in Krush Groove
Beat just everything
Watching Breakin' now
Hilariously awful
Krush Groove is the best!
Put the Fat Boys at
An All-You-Can-Eat buffet:
Cinematic gold
If you still take drugs
Go rent The Dark Crystal now
Muppets on mushrooms
Best scene in Breakin'
Turbo dances with a broom
To a Kraftwerk song
Bacon and Chris Penn
Learn how to dance in a field
There's nothing gay here
Religious Lithgow
Totally outlawed dancing
His "heaven"? BORRR-ing.
Back to Breakin':
Turbo on ceiling
Gotta save that rec center
Does he have The Force?
World a better place
If we could solve our problems
By just dance-fighting
If all life's problems
Could be resolved by dancing
I would always lose
There, there, JPX -
I think you could pop-and-lock
With the best of them
One time I windmilled
At a wrap party. Last time
For vodka/Red Bull.
Come to think of it
There are no really good white
Breakdancers. Odd, that.
Somehow, I totally missed Octo's Eight Quizzes. Brilliant!
In that vein:
Mess with bull - get horns
Flux capacitor...fluxing
Get to da choppah!
Where's DCD? I thought she'd be all over this one. Miko? Whirly? 50?
Wax on Wax on yes
For Karate Kid sequels
There is no defense
Next Karate Kid
Starred Million Dollar Baby
It was really lame
didn't really participate last week, so i'm making up for lost time with this batch
Explorers was fun
Ethan Hawke, River Phoenix
Third kid went nowhere
Cast of Stand By Me
Only fat Vern's still working
Others: dead or lame
If Lorraine Baines were
More of a perv, she could have
Shagged conked out Marty.
Every black actor
Has to play gang banger. Proof?
Don Cheadle: Colors
Goonies didn't lie:
There WAS an octopus scene
Got edited out
(ps - chunk went to my elementary school)
guess the movie...
Rourke: quiet, sexy
Dillon: mugging; lunkheaded
Neither was acting
Trading Places plan
Required ape AND ape costume?
Yeah, that's realistic...
You mean to tell me
Private Pyle and the Thor guy
Played by the same dude?
You find this funny?
"I'd buy that for a dollar!"
Lame sense of humor
My tastes changed a lot
Favorite movie, age 8
was Remo Williams
Left the Fratellis
Living in Chunk's basement now
Improvement? Hardly.
50P your guess the movie is Rumble Fish, right?
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