Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Haiku Hump Day - Lord of the Rings



Someone had to do it eventually right? Oh sure I wanted to do The Watchman or Bladerunner but I wasn't sure how many people could sink their poetic teeth into the lore of those two so I chose something more accessible. This was my trilogy as a youngster as these books gripped me way beyond the other trilogy so haiku we must!




The problem is it feels over exposed right now and I need another 3 years space to really have it take back the place in my heart that it did as a 9 year old who read the series and was filled with wonder. Damn you Peter Jackson!



I still feel it's a worthy haiku hump day subject and should be a fun romp with unending possibilities for haiku mayhem.

Ladies and gentlemen, start your haiku engines....

40 comments:

JPX said...

Hmmm, this is going to be tricky. Confession time; I never read the books and I only saw the films exactly 1 time each (I know, I know).

Spock sang about him
"Ballad of Bilbo Baggins"
So embarrassing

AC said...

great topic nowandzen.

hobbits save the day
proving once again the phrase
size doesn't matter

my sister-in-law
favors legolas, whereas
i'm all for strider

not geeky at all:
my husband once owned "gandalf"
a pet iguana

AC said...

LOTR rules
but my fandom has limits
i don't speak elvish.

Landshark said...

The movies were awesome
Aragorn, Gandalf, Frodo...
Where's Tom Bombadil?

Epic achievement:
History, geography, lore,
But some leaden prose!

JPX said...

I don't tend to read
Books with a large glossary
I know I'm simple

Landshark said...

Kevin Smith is dead wrong...
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
Worst movie of all time?

HandsomeStan said...

Fellowship journeys
This is going smooth- oh shit
Here comes the Balrog

HandsomeStan said...

Did Sauron ever
Get anything in his Eye?
Mordor is dusty

nowandzen said...

Seriously though
Fly on eagles back drop ring
Only need one book

nowandzen said...

Gollum in us all
Seeking after things, now lost
Greed hath turned us green

HandsomeStan said...

When they rode horses
Nazgul were scary enough
Now they fly? Oh fuck.

HandsomeStan said...

Ring makes you vanish
And turn into an asshole
What's great about that?

Octopunk said...

Fellowship's first half
So boring! There I said it
That guy loved his maps

(the book, not the movie)

Catfreeek said...

Elven or Vulcan
Full of wisdom, logical
They have the same ears

HandsomeStan said...

And now to Sauron
With Mordor AccuWeather:
"It's hot and evil."

Chris said...

"Inflamed bearded dwarf"
The noble Gimli defined.
Describes my junk, too.

Deceitful Gollum.
Hobbit with complications
and a Haggard smile.

Convivial Sam.
"Master," he calls dear Frodo.
Raging Submissive.

HandsomeStan said...

Uruk-Hai were clones
But here's a disturbing thought -
Orcs must have had sex

50PageMcGee said...

Just an eye, no mouth
That Sauron doesn't say much
He just blinks a lot

Chris said...

Other kids played sports.
I read epic fantasy.
No pussy for me.

nowandzen said...

Fear me cries Sauron!
You are my slaves forever
Sword chops chops finger


or


Saurons Dark Triumph
Sword takes finger, powerless
No shit, just one finger

HandsomeStan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HandsomeStan said...

Nice crystal ball there
No, it's called a "Palantir."
Yeah, nice crystal ball

HandsomeStan said...

Hey let's go fishing
I found this ring in the pond
Now I must kill you

Dana's Brain said...

Long, wordy stories
Viggo Mortenson is hot,
I prefer the films

Catfreeek said...

My personal hell
Film won't end, I gotta pee
Frodo you bastard!

Catfreeek said...

I have to admit
Total LOTR geek
Read the books through twice

Catfreeek said...

In my collection
The Tolkien Bestiary
I'm an ubergeek

Catfreeek said...

My advice to you
When facing army of orcs
Bring an ent with you

HandsomeStan said...

Did you ever try to read The Silmarillion, The Hobbit, LOTR, and then EVERY Appendix straight through?

I did that and then watched all three 4-hour director's cuts in ONE DAY. That was a fun month of unemployment. My girlfriend started to look like a Hobbit, and I started talking like Gollum.

I couldn't get that all into 17 syllables.

The Ents can party
Giant talking trees that make
Big ass waterslides

50PageMcGee said...

give ring to elf queen:
be galadriel's slave boy?
would not mind at all!

50PageMcGee said...

handsome stan is killing me today.

chris's "bearded dwarf" was pretty great too.

50PageMcGee said...

obviously i meant chris's haiku *about* the bearded dwarf.

AC said...

where is jsp?
is this topic too geeky
or is he just lame?

liked all three movies
though i could have done without
the bed-hopping scene.

in book or movie
i still cry when theoden
is slain in battle

(heh heh, i said "slain")

HandsomeStan said...

I agree, between the "bearded dwarf" and "no pussy," it's a toss-up.

In terms of haikus.

Thanks for the props, Fitty...

HandsomeStan said...

"I can carry you!"
That's where I cried. And also,
"You bow to no one."

Seriously, I turn into a fucking puddle. My girlfriend thinks I'm more sensitive because of it.

Monstrous elephants
How'd they NOT win that battle?
Oh, right - ghost pirates!

AC said...

handsome, i've re-read
hobbit and trilogy oft;
but appendices?!?!?!?

HandsomeStan said...

I decided, dammit, I'm just gonna grit my teeth and do it! After you finally wade through them all, you realize that the events of LOTR were like a blip on the radar screen in terms of the history. Sauron? Minor bad guy, considering history. He gets into like 20,000 years of history in there, not counting the Silmarillion, which goes to the dawn of time, near as I can figure.

And apparently the books were all just an excuse to invent the Elvish language. How did he ever have children? Or a woman anywhere near him?

HandsomeStan said...

I know the polls might have closed, and I didn't mean to dominate this one unnecessarily, it just happened to fall on another prep day (NOT a shoot day) and the topic is so rich with potential. (For me, anyway.)

My girlfriend offers this guest submission:

Lord of the Rings, eh?
I think I slept through it once
Midgets and stuff, right?

I love this woman.

miko564 said...

Stan, I think I love her now too. I found the movies ungodly boring, my wife dragged me to the first two, and I must have smoked half a pack of cigs outside, and STILL had to watch 3 fucking hours, per film...
The books? I made it to the end of Hobbit, but I may have been drunk...

All, sorry for my lack of participation today, but I couldn't get past the first two words..."hairy feet", that's all I got. Couldn't go anywhere from there.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Inspired Zeppelin
The Battle of Evermore
Misty Mountain Hop