From geekology, I am seriously reconsidering my decision to procreate in China. What with all the winged cats and footed snakes, I don't want my children to grow up with three legs like their father, you know? My beneficial defects aside, I must admit: as an amateur herpetologist, I'm a little skeptical about a footed snake. It seems almost like it swallowed a lizard and then that bastard was all like, "oh hell naw!" and kicked through the snake's bitchass stomach.
Dean Qiongxiu, 66, said she discovered the reptile clinging to the wall of her bedroom with its talons in the middle of the night.
"I woke up and heard a strange scratching sound. I turned on the light and saw this monster working its way along the wall using his claw," said Mrs Duan of Suining, southwest China.
Mrs Duan said she was so scared she grabbed a shoe and beat the snake to death before preserving its body in a bottle of alcohol.
I call shenanigans. Everybody knows snakes lost their right to feet after that one in Eden kept trying to touch Eve's boobs. Yes I've read the Bible. He ended up stealing her nipples. And that, my friends, is where dried apricots come from. Amen.
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