Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Haiku Hump Day: The 7 Deadly Sins



You know them, you love them, in fact you probably commit one or two of them every day. That's right, today we celebrate the deadly sins. Those seven little things that make life just a little more interesting. Adapted from Greek monastic theologian Evagrius of Pontus' list of 8 offenses and wicked human passions. In the late 6th century, Pope Gregory the Great reduced the list to these 7 items we've come to know and love.

Screw life, I just wanna watch T.V.

Sloth. The lazy slob who avoids any kind of physical work whatsoever. He probably spends his spare time on MySpace chatting with teenage girls. You know, he's the really cool guy with the smokin' avatar.

Holy crap! I'm more Handsome then Stan!

Pride/Vanity. Self-loving, Narcissistic folks. I wonder how many of these JPX and AC see in their daily workings. Then again, they would have to tear themselves away from the mirror and actually admit they have faults.

Tell me again why the super glue was in the lube drawer?

Lust. Now with all the talk of boobs in films here I don't think I need to elaborate much on lust. Just dig deep into your past and remember some of those embarrassing teenage moments where old lust took over any coherent thought you might have had. I know you remember.


Hulk smash!

Anger. This is one green monster we've all been familiar with at one time or another.

Touch my dollies and I'll fucking wreck you.

Greed. The mother of all sins. This is the heart and soul of corporate America at it's best. I can imagine these corporate moguls beginning life as these greedy little kids who hoarded all the toys at their daycare. Probably bartering for possession of souls.

Get me a bucket.

Gluttony. This needs no explanation, it's just gross.


Envy. The instigator of revenge plots, broken friendships and even murder. This little word packs a pretty good punch.

There you have it, 7 words of inspiration to fuel your creative little minds. So what are you waiting for, go Haiku!

57 comments:

AC said...

i'd write a haiku
but just can't be bothered now
project runway's on

Catfreeek said...

Money's useless in
an alien invasion
try bribing those guys

Why do the fat chicks
karaoke "I'm hot" songs?
misplaced vanity

AC said...

i'd write a haiku
the best one ever written
cuz i'm just that good

Catfreeek said...

I always thought that
Teenage lust was worse on boys
something just popped up

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I’m window shopping
My reflection catches me
Goddamn, I’m sexy

Catfreeek said...

The odds against her
but Oprah beat gluttony
then lost again

Johnny Sweatpants said...

The pope is a dope
Without lust we’d be extinct
Not to mention dull

Catfreeek said...

If done the pope's way
sex only to procreate
don't dare enjoy it

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Envy is for fools
Jealousy gets you nowhere
Read a fucking book

Catfreeek said...

Of the seven sins
Greed bugs the hell out of me
enough is enough

Hoarding all they grab
always wanting more and more
total waste of life

Never enjoying
always afraid to lose out
taking from people

If they stop to think
hoarding is useless at death
can't take it with them

Catfreeek said...

Dante's Inferno
seven sins layered through hell
I'd just stop at lust

Just think about it
one sin leads to another
must be addictive

Trevor (Tami's friend) said...

Sloth feels really good
Take pills to revel in it
More Saturdays please


Most sins we indulge
Gluttony - most shunned
Too many diet products

AC said...

i'd write a haiku
but it's early bird special
at county buffet

i'll write a haiku
after i murder gretchen
bitch missed stan's birthday

i'd write a haiku
but i'm on the "T" watching
hot young men commute

AC said...

what's all this sin talk
agnostics and atheists
just reap what we sow

Octopunk said...

What's all this reap talk
Agnostics and atheists
Get away with it

Octopunk said...

This party's boring
But check out this huge buffet
Ooh shrimp! Nom nom nom

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Where is JPX?
Sitting on his lazy ass
I should bitch slap him

Where is 50 Page?
Whoring around town no doubt
Yes I am jealous

Where is Handsome Stan?
Staring into the mirror
While stuffing his face

Octopunk said...

Vanity tells me
Must spray this stuff all over
No more smell

...



...

my butt

HandsomeStan said...

They're only "deadly"
If Kevin Spacey finds you
Paltrow's head in box

HandsomeStan said...

Deadly sins feel GREAT
Problem is the adjective
7 AWESOME Sins

HandsomeStan said...

Proud of my envy
Greedy for more sex and food
Angry at naptime

Catfreeek said...

Stan is so awesome
seven sins in one Haiku
I'm so envious

AC said...

i'd write a haiku
but there's a shoe sale at saks
my 500th pair

i'd write a haiku
but i'm jealous of octo
who writes better ones

AC said...

i envy tall folks
who can see and be seen in
crowds and at concerts

Catfreeek said...

Where are the thonners
having no time to Haiku?
Busy with Aspray?

Where are the thonners
having no time to Haiku?
At all day buffet?

Where are the thonners
having no time to Haiku?
All out stalking girls?

Where are the thonners
having no time to Haiku?
Watching some T.V.?

Where are the thonners
having no time to Haiku?
Making hoards of cash?

Or are they feeling
envy for haiku's written
by other thonners?

Grrrr...just don't make me
angry, you wouldn't like me
when I am angry

HandsomeStan said...

Dwarves or Deadly Sins
There's always one you forget
Oh yeah - "Doc" and "Pride"

Dwarves or Deadly Sins
There's ones you never forget
Like "Lust" and "Dopey"

Catfreeek said...

If dwarves are the sins
so what does that make Snow White?
Virtue or Satan?

HandsomeStan said...

Trek picked the right sin
Cuz "The Gluttony of Khan"
Would not be pleasant

AC said...

i'm not that greedy
except for concerts, massage,
and fabulous food.

guess i am greedy
not materialistic
but greedy as hell

AC said...

i love handsome stan
and it was just his birthday
but he spoiled "seven"

for horrorthonners
the eighth deadly sin must be
spoilers sans warnings

Octopunk said...

Stan's right about Khan
"The Grapes of Sloth" is as bad
Since it means sloth balls

HandsomeStan said...

Vader: Luke's father
Crying Game: it's not a chick
sixth Sense: Willis is dead

HandsomeStan said...

Stan II: Wrath of 'Thon
Spoilers begat deadly sins
Well, anger at least

JPX said...

My cell phone just sucks
My patient has an iPhone
I hate my patient

Least favorite patients?
That's easy, narcissism
No, you're not that great!

Why is "pride" a sin?
Won a Chicago album
I was pretty proud

Gluttony's a sin?
Ate large bag of candy corn
True, my teeth did hurt

Want to see no pride
And plenty of gluttony?
Just go to Walmart

Catfreeek said...

Changing sins can work
switched up to "12 Lustful Men"
turns drama to porn

50PageMcGee said...

sex the "other" way
with your girlfriend's hot sister
can't say no to that

wrath on the highway
i swear, it's not my fault, lord
drive faster, fucktard!

50PageMcGee said...

haiku about sloth
just don't feel like finishing

50PageMcGee said...

how could you stand it?
life without my pretty face
bet you'd rather die.

HandsomeStan said...

Sequel to Goonies
Kids are grown up and hate blacks
Sloth and Predjudice

50PageMcGee said...

greed, envy? the same
what does that say about god?
glutton for sinners

AC said...

i've got a sixth sense
handsome stan is bruce willis
(as in, dead to me)

DCD said...

HansdomeStan's so vain
he probably thinks this hai-
ku is about him.

But I've often said
"You're So Vain" is about me.
I'm cuter then Stan

DCD said...

You callin' me sloth?
I'll show you!....on second thought,
think I'll take a nap.

DCD said...

Tough to be slothful
with young kids running around.
I do my best though!

DCD said...

Envy or Anger
that makes me hope your Lexus
gets keyed by some punk?

DCD said...

Gluttony you say?
Shut-up and pass me that tube
of raw cookie dough.

Mr. AC said...

Is it more sinful
To binge on devil's food cake
Or angel food cake?

Mr. AC said...

He's angry and proud
Self-satisfied and greedy
george w. bush

Mr. AC said...

The three-toed tree sloth
Creeping through the canopy
Don't seem so sinful

AC said...

sorrow once was sin
how very helpful: "cheer up,
or go straight to hell!"

HandsomeStan said...

I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!
Want your stuff. And fucked your wife.
I'm fat, lazy, proud

HandsomeStan said...

"Deadly" sins, you say?
I'd like to be killed by Lust
What a way to go

Hey, that chick is hot!
Why is my boner bigger
And bigger...and...AAAAACK!!!

HandsomeStan said...

While he's unemplyed:
Stan LIVES Gluttony and Sloth
And it's fucking great

HandsomeStan said...

Sloth leads to typos
Pride leads to not spell-checking
Lust leads to porno

Julie said...

Cover me in cake
Lie me on a bed of gold
And do me. That's three.

Julie said...

I'm better than you,
So why do you have money?
And I don't? That's two.

Julie said...

Crap two more to go?
Can't someone else write them up?
I'm going to bed.