(2008)Being that this is my second to last review in a vast sea of reviews this year. I am guessing that you all are sick of reading them. Gnaw is a crappy movie with a whole bunch of not so snappy eating references and gross scenes of people devouring questionable meaty substances. Do you really care? I figure most of you have glanced at the pictures, seen the 1½ Gretch rating and that was all you needed to know. Therefore I could just babble incessantly about my boring day at work or having to clean the litter boxes this morning and most of you would be blissfully unaware. I wonder who would notice if I just wrote 2 paragraphs of blah, blah, blah or recopied a previously posted review from another crappy movie in it's place. Just an, “Oh look Catfreeek watched another crappy movie” would probably suit you fine. Not that I could blame you, this whole Horrorthon thing is a lot fun but so exhausting. I'm still trying to recover from the disarray it left my house in. Why I even bothered to watch this idiotic film late Halloween night after all the festivities were over is beyond me. Maybe I just wanted to squeeze in one more film before midnight. Perhaps it was just the sugar overload that kept me awake. Damn those KitKats!
And get this, after all is said and done believe it or not I'm still watching horror. Just yesterday we watched The Hills Run Red. I wish I was reviewing that film instead, it was much better than this one so I might actually have had something to say. So anyway, yeah I watch horror all year long. I can't help it, it's an addiction or a sickness I'm not quite sure which. Not that I watch only horror, I watch a little of everything. Maybe I'm just addicted to movies, no surprise since I hate most commercial tv. Now I've totally drifted off topic. Where was I? Oh yeah, Gnaw. So six friends go to an English country inn just to find out their hosts are a bunch of cannibals. They feed them well and seem nice at first but they are just trying to fatten up their guests for the slaughter. I guess I've babbled on long enough. If you've read this then I apologize for my lack of any resemblance to an actual review. Forgive me for my drifting thoughts, I promise to put more effort into my next and last review for this season. I actually really liked the last movie and it's so much easier when you have that to your advantage.
10 comments:
I think your fatigue (and obsession) speaks to all of us. On October 30, 2004, I clocked no less than eight movies. It helped that it was night we set our clocks back for daylight savings.
I wonder about this whole "fattening them up for eating" thing. How does that work? Do the dinner guests get huge plates of corn meal, or whatever it is we feed to beef cows? Could you thwart them by eating nothing but sardines for days, guaranteeing a fishy taste? We need some hard data.
The pictures are pretty damn repulsive I must say. Something about the foot next to the bloody cupcake tin is making me queasy.
The whole movie is repulsive.
Yeah, but is it done well? What's the problem with the movie, I don't understand. Is the violence realistic?
It's not really done well, think Motel Hell.
Now you're making me wonder if the fatigue made me rate this unfairly. I just watched the trailer again and it reminded me why I queued it. I still think it was overly campy and wouldn't have given it more than 2 Gretchens, but I was worn out.
Dammit, now I'm gonna have to rewatch it at some point!
Good lord, I wish someone would post a review because those pictures are bugging me out! That hand sandwich can't possibly taste good. And what about the bones?
I have one more to write and I'm lagging. The blog has been slow all weekend, I can almost hear the wind whistling and see the tumbleweeds rolling by.
I can't believe I said "hand sandwich" when I could have knocked it out of the park with "handburger". Sigh.
I think "handwich" would be even better.
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