Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Haiku Hump Day - Ranting Edition!

Today we're going to let it all hang out. Feel free to direct your outrage, righteous indignation, insults and obscenities towards anyone or anything that makes your blood boil. Here are some examples of things that annoy the hell out of me.

Fu*k you Wayans brothers.

You are everything that's wrong with music and the world in general.

Stop dancing like an ass and get a job, hippie.

I hate every little thing about you.

When you're in line buying scratch tickets in front of me I want to strangle you.

You've wasted your life.


JPX said...

In the check-out line
Don't pay with a fucking check
It makes me hate you

So you like to talk?
Don't use your cell phone near me
It's just obnoxious

Teenagers texting
While I'm trying to watch a film
Makes me think, "Kill-spree"

JPX said...

I can't watch baseball
Not for reasons you might think
I hate the spitting

I get distracted
By the pitcher's OCD
Just throw the damn ball!

The Red Sox's dumb coach
Always chewing tobacco
And of course spitting

JPX said...

Please don't shit at work
We have just one bathroom here
I don't need your stink

Slow moving people
Who are walking as a group
Unable to pass

Don't you just despise
"Flo" from the Progressive ads?
Condesending bitch

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Who watches bowling?
There's really just one excuse -
You're lobotomized

JPX said...

Being held hostage
By people discussing sports
Is my greatest fear

AC said...

smug people irk me.
have ALL your shit together?
somehow i doubt it.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Use the frickin' stairs
If you're going up one floor
Or else face beatings

Catfreeek said...

Fucking hate Wal-mart
my reasons are far too deep
for just one Haiku

Underpaying drones
subbing work to third world schleps
killing local stores

Corporate ass wipes
sacrifice humanity
for self-serving greed

Kiss my large white ass
I hope you suffer the worst
known case of herpes

Catfreeek said...

Even worse then that
Pharmaceutical fuckwads
drugging all mankind

The Prozac nation
Provide pablum for masses
turned into asses

Their goal to create
A nation of mindless drones
who line their pockets

JPX said...

The Walmart "greeter"
Always gives the worst greetings
Born without a brain

Catfreeek said...

George W Bush
Fuck you, you fucking fuckwad!
Yes, I have issues!

Stupid Octomom
Soon, reality show whore
dumb acts rewarded

Our tax dollars give
wellfare cases name brands goods
and plasma tv's

I'm just warming up
My favorite pastime to
Stick it to the man!

Catfreeek said...

Christian children's fund
I'd like to see just how much
goes to those children

The film industry
Too many movie remakes
no unique ideas

Credit card offers
killing trees to send spam mail
that just gets thrown out

Endless commercials
So thankful for DVR
fast forward, bye Flo!

Catfreeek said...

Why not legalize
Pot and prostitution too
now tax free business

Hate whining people
who refuse to help themselves
total waste of air

Should I warn people?
Beware angry white women
bearing many cats

AC said...

elevator farts
couldn't hold it ten seconds?
somehow i doubt it

AC said...

kick me off the blog
excessive public cleavage
should be illegal

AC said...

serial killers
not sure what they contribute
get a real job, guys!

JPX said...

People who shout-sneeze
They do it for attention
I will not bless you

AC said...

AH-CHOO! what was that,
jpx? i didn't hear,
was sneezing so loud

JPX said...

The Fox news channel
Just a bastion of hatred
Dumb people watch it

JPX said...

Remember Miko?
He used to post all the time
What happened to him?

He pulled a "Jordan"
Disappeared without a trace
I miss those fellas

Landshark's another
'Thon glory days behind us?
Yes I'm a bit hurt

Johnny Sweatpants said...

That wasn't a rant as much as a whine JPX. Still there's some serious gold on here thus far! Stan won't likely contribute much as he's on his way to New Hampshire.

New Hampshire is great
If you're into boring states
That offer nothing

AC said...

entitled people
want their needs met right away
fuck you and YOUR needs

AC said...

bad drivers irk me
roadhogging multitasking
lethal gretchmongers

Catfreeek said...

About bad drivers
don't even get me started
Rhode Island's the worst

My exit is next
wait until the last minute
zip across four lanes

Turn signal, what's that?
don't want to burn the bulb out
by using it, right

Soccer Mom's revenge
Buy the biggest SUV
then cut people off

Motorcycles with
Obnoxiously loud exhaust

AC said...

intolerant folks
really get my fucking goat
can't tolerate them

50PageMcGee said...

was doing 80
now i'm down to 55

his name's NOT Van GoCK
you're not only dead, dead wrong
you sound like a prick

trader joe's produce
in the store you look so fresh
next day you're rotten

Catfreeek said...

A pet peeve to me
Unfriendly service people
hate your job, leave it

Pointless waste of film
Romantic comedies, ugh
crap for the lonely

What's COPD?
using initials for words
WTF is that!

and maxi pad ads
showing the absorbency
don't need to see that

speaking of such ads
Have a happy period?
yeah, in what lifetime?

JPX said...

People riding bikes
My car weighs 3000 pounds
Get out of the road!

Don't you hate people
Who cross the street extra slow?
My car will kill you

I don't want fucking cookies!
Stop bothering me

Religious people
God doesn't care about you
He doesn't exist

50PageMcGee said...

know who shout sneezes?
Octo. Scares me half to death.
Jesus, warn me, dude.

Catfreeek said...

Doorbell is ringing
Jehovah Witness leech
Fuck you I'm Taoist!

Doorbell rings again
Mormon this time, oh great joy!
Come in, Hail Satan!

Catfreeek said...

Tony shout sneezes
JPX tell him to stop
really, I dare ya

Catfreeek said...

Power walking peeps
You know how stupid you look?
Honestly, it's bad

Octopunk said...

If I warn fifty
Then I will lose the damn sneeze
I really hate that

Octopunk said...

Here's my fat tax check
I have to pay the postage?
Fucking government

Octopunk said...

I'm playing Scrabble
Three I's on my tray all game
Wife's beating my butt

JPX said...

The leaves are changing
Crappy New England summer!
Now 8 months of cold

Catfreeek said...

Know it all people
you can't tell them anything
they just chap my ass

Cleaning up cat puke
just why do they overeat
gross & waste of food

Asshole Rush Limbaugh
why does anyone listen
hypocritic ass

AC said...

now i hate 50
making me laugh out loud with
his "van gock" haiku

i'm no fan of cat
getting ahead of me on
corporate evils

jpx irks me
everything pisses him off
unfair advantage

octo worst of all
aren't you on vacation?
let someone else win

JPX said...

Don't borrow my book
If you intend to crease it
I like my books new

I just can't stand it
When strangers try to converse
Small talk makes me cringe

HandsomeStan said...

Van Halen's song "Jump"
Please plunge ice-pick in my ear
And stop playing it

"Hot For Teacher:" good
Everything else: Fuck those guys
Put Hagar to death

Eddie Van Halen
Guitar solo from "Beat It"
His career high point

Used to like those guys
Then, Moment of Clarity
Now I hate those guys

HandsomeStan said...

Normal rock stations
Play "Rooster" one more time. Please.
Fist through the dashboard

Same Songs for Shit Heads
Radio destroys music
Over and over

"Brown Eyed Girl." Really?
Favorite song? You should not breed.

AC said...

mr ac sez:

incessantly weblogging
read a fucking book

the pedestrian
stepping in front of my car
the sign says don't walk

in hot yoga class
people sweat prodigiously
next time, shower first

hornets, wasps, and bees
i have no tolerance for
insects that sting me

AC said...

hipster baristas
too cool to make coffee drinks
most are just posers

Catfreeek said...

Loud restaurant folks
Laughing it up like assholes
disrupt my dinner

Worse yet cell phone chats
how rude to chat at table
while guest just sits there

and bathroom piddlers
spraying pee on the clean seat
you're why it's so gross

Unhappy people
always sending their food back
want to spit in it

Really bad tippers
Laughing over waiters grief
hope karma finds you

HandsomeStan said...

Fucking Van Halen
"Right Now"? No, Sammy Hagar.
Not now, not ever

HandsomeStan said...

I am an asshole
I like teams with jerks on them
I am Yankee Fan

City full of them
Like a big zombie attack
But shithead zombies

The team wins a lot
Don't change the fact that they all
Look like asshole cops

Jeter eats babies
A-Rod rapes bunny rabbits
Or so I've been told

AC said...

people who brown-nose
are totally full of shit.
great topic, johnny!

Catfreeek said...

and fuck close talkers
most of them have some bad breath
get outta my space

those arm whackers too
honest, I'm listening to you
stop hitting me jerk!

Catfreeek said...

So I have this friend
Who laughs loud like Smokey's Mom
might have to kill her

Those Verizon ads
Who is that chump in glasses
get off my network!

Catfreeek said...

A bit of advice
Clean the fucking shower drain
I won't touch your pubes

HandsomeStan said...

You are in my way
Driving or walking slowly
Push you off a cliff

I'm glad you're jogging
But go to a path somewhere
And put a shirt on

Gym guys: annoying
Gym guys on phone in gym:
Should be castrated

Glad you're working out
But don't fucking talk to me
I'll spot myself, thanks

Oh no here he comes
Rather be choked by barbell
Than talk to shitheads

JPX said...

Sitting on a plane
Stranger starts talking to me
Turn my iPod up

Saying you're 'vegan'
Just tells me that you have an
Eating disorder

Catfreeek said...

Morning dog walkers
your not cleaning up the poop
I know, I saw you

The faux hawk hairdo
it's like a dunce cap for men
lowers their IQ

50PageMcGee said...

hey, my 4 year old nephew has a faux-hawk. he looks rad.

Catfreeek said...

He's a 4 year old
not the same on a grown man
go from rad to bad

Octopunk said...

A great parking place!
Never mind, it's handicapped
Lucky jerk cripples!

Octopunk said...

"Still trying to get
Pizza from your toaster?" NO!!!
Nobody does that

HandsomeStan said...

Deep thought devoted
To what groups I would kill off
First: Ninja Bike guys

You've got to be kidding me
You're the next to die

Jesus, loud tailpipes
Both wrong for many reasons
Hell hath special place

50PageMcGee said...

Oh, Carl's Jr. Ads
I'm as vile as the next guy
But you gross me out

munch mic inside mouth
meant to be hot and sexy
i need delousing

you cast a chick with huge tits
i'm still not hungry

to be crystal clear
it's not the boobs that bug me

50PageMcGee said...

Sprite - hypocrite fucks
you say "Image is Nothing"
celebs pitch your drink