Since the dawn of man, man has tried to use available materials to build artificial versions of himself to perform tasks he'd rather not do. For millenia, these creations lacked basic motor capabilities and are now referred to as "statues." Then, in 1776, Benjamin Franklin proposed the basic wooden elbow joint and thereby created Pinocchio, the world's first robot boy.
Or so the liberals would have you believe.
Robots are everywhere in fact, fiction, past, present and future. Sometimes they turn on us...
"Seriously, guys, do I have something in my teeth?""Dude, I totally don't even know where we're all going.""Daleks. Pff.""Ahh! Shoot diagonally! Shoot diagonally!""Ahh! Shoot diagonally! Shoot diagonally!"But lots of times they just want to help us out.
"Thank you for holding, your call is important to us. We know you have a choice in pod bay doors, and we value your business. Please continue..."This is gonna get so awesome any second now.Our 1957 model will style your hair! (Warning: hair must be held in very specific position and already be styled.)"Thank you, o glorious Food-o-matic. Maybe next time a plate?"In the future we will be governed by helpless talking discs, and we will hang our rulers around the necks of robots than can be knocked over by a deer.Sometimes robots help you face the big questions in life:
"Then I think we should cut into the sternum...""Uh... ...uh...*whew*...I've always loved you."Cyborgs are fair game!
"Watch Buckaroo Banzai or I will shoot."I'll admit there's some potential overlap with our previous topic "the future," so I encourage you all to seek out the lesser-tackled topic of robot celebrities:
And let's not forget sexy robots!
Bring it!
61 comments:
You know I would kill
for a Rosie the robot
Yo! Clean my house bitch!
Can't say I'd like to
hang out with C3PO
constantly whining
Marvin's depressing
but his timing is spot on
I love British wit
Inspector Gadget
So, is he robot or man?
just comic relief
Bring the wine, Twiggy
Big hot date with Erin Grey
Watch out for that deer
What's with that weird noise?
I'll give you biddy-biddy
Erin Grey...biddy
Unexplained dance move
"Malfunctioning robot"? 'Kaaaay...
Why not "broken stove"?
We are the robots
And we play German synth pop
Mach schnell und Kroft-verk
hitchiker's guide reference! all right catfreeek!
awesome AWESOM-O
ate toothpaste, pitched bad movies
fart betrayed him- laaaame
phantom of the park
KISS robot doppelgangers
how bad could it be?
Ace Frehley's robot
Eight feet tall and a black guy
Best. Movie. Ever.
He's histrionic
He's a liability
He's C3PO
There's a word for H.A.L.
That describes his behavior
Sociopathy
Modern robots have
Schizoid personality
Don't care what you think
Robocop saw things
From a black and white view point
Yep, OCPD*
*Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder
'member 2-XL?
"Educational robot"
Of course it was lame
Remember Big Trak?
Programable robot car
Mine bumped into walls
Nomad was confused
Thought Kirk was Jackson Roykirk
Not the brightest 'bot
The day is coming
Brain chips make us all cyborgs
Where do I sign up?
The robot’s regret
Incapable of feeling
Human compassion
The robot’s triumph
Incapable of feeling
Kick to testicles
September 09, 2009
Photo of lunchbox?
"Looked like a robot to me,"
Octo explains. Geek.
Remember Data
Turned into a pleasure-bot
For that one Next Gen?
Will Smith's "I Robot"
Also known as "Me, Sleeping"
(Stan is on FIRE)
R.O.B. was a disgrace
His solitary function?
Gyromite Crapfest
no sexy robots
maybe it's just a guy thing
no offense to guys
no sexy robots
artificial penises
emotionless eyes
no sexy robots
robots would complain that we
are just using them
no sexy robots
they'd cause a whole new set of
sexual problems
no sexy robots
not for me anyway. well,
maybe robocop
congratulating
self really part of haiku?!?!
"FIRE" two syllables?!?!
When you're hot, you're hot.
Third-person haikus awesome
So says HandsomeStan
Oooo! Sexy robots!
I'd TOTALLY do Cylons
The new ones, of course
Vote Yes On Sexbots
Snub AC's propaganda
She's into "feelings"
Sexbots need one thing:
Great vagina designer
Pretty critical
Most annoying bot
Spaceballs 3PO alter
with Joan Rivers' voice
What was Max Headroom
Lovable stuttering head
Robot or TV?
Built by Dr. Smith
but always ratted him out
Ungrateful robot
Robot in disguise?
You're not fooling anyone
Giant Flying Truck
Yearning for the day
Transforming toys are robots
Transform your damn self
Sexy male robots
Jude Law in A.I. for one
Go Gigolo Joe!
Speaking of sexbots
Inspector Gadget would rock
Go go gadget *beep*
Not terminator
he's too serious for sex
all about killing
the tin man from OZ
he got the heart he wanted
first cylon ever
Robo-hooker tip:
Make sure box is sterilized
Avoid Robot AIDS
Robot saves the Earth
Al Gore's "Inconvenient Truth"
(ZING! says HandsomeStan)
Day the Earth Stood Still
"Klaatu barada nikto"
Gort, chill the fuck out!
Keanu's remake
Day The Box Office Stood Still
(Stan is here all week)
Pretty pink sirens
Austin's sexy fembot chicks
with deadly nipples
Robots and Wall-E
Humans pretty much extinct
outdated models
Remember D.A.R.Y.L.
Smartest person is a kid
disassemble him
The best robot pals
Joel built Tom Servo & Crow
Programmed sarcasm
If Stan built robots
they would all spout compliments
directed at Stan
"Hello Handsome Stan
Have I told you you're awesome?"
"Yes, say it again"
Alternative pet
wouldn't mind a robot cat
no litter to clean
with synthetic fur
No brushing or shedding please
low maintenance puss
Low maintenance puss
Also known as MrsX
(Oh no Stan DI'INT)
HandsomeStan's robots:
Preprogrammed to help Catfreeek
With all her crosswords
Only if crosswords
are all about Handsome Stan
(he left that part out)
Ash went all crazy
Bishop, loyal to the end
Lance Henriksen rules
Acid spewing bots
Vectrocon robot spiders
they're not named Bowie
Sleeper house robots
shuffling about the house
I just want the orb
I have a head cold
Been sleeping most of today
You guys crack me up
Aaaah!!! Magnum P.I.!!
Gene Simmons' robot lobsters!
You must Runaway!!!
Busy helper bots
*Batteries not included
Who cares! They're so cute
The robot exclaims
that Johnny 5 is alive
and annoying too
Like to see this fight
any transformer versus
Mechagodzilla
Poor sickly Octo
Needs a house robot today
Bring soup and tissues
Forty four robots
Each more boring than the next
"Hall of Presidents"
Did you know “robot”
Comes from Czech play R.U.R.
Believe it means “serf”
Three Laws Robotic
How could you even program?
Screw you, Asimov!
I was Buck Rogers
As a kid for Halloween
Sister was Twikki
cyborgs count you say
i'll make you wish they didn't
"cyborg" with van damme
"cyborg"'s a crapfest
the cyborg has a bit part
so why the title?
it's about a plague
the cyborg has some data
van damme must protect
hero's name, "gibson
rickenbacker"; villain's name,
"fender tremolo"
"cyborg" is so bad
i can't recall a van damme
ass shot. that's troubling.
haikuing "cyborg"
instead of watching tennis
even more troubling
Federer: cyborg
Sampras: Bot. Nadal: Sexbot
Agassi: Coolbot
Remember "Robots"?
CGI? Robin Williams?
Yeah, I don't either.
So I'm Knight Rider
I'd get hammered all the time
Robot gets me home
Humankind's demise:
Super-smart nanobots will
Infiltrate our brains.
Hal, Ash, and the Borg
The moral of the story
Never trust a bot
Robots are evil
But that's to be expected
They're made by humans
More often than not
Robots, cyborgs, and androids
Can not be trusted
Brynner in Westworld
Yet another example
Robots will kill you
Not quite as smart as
Dr. Theopolis, but
Twiki was still cute
I almost forgot
On the Bionic Woman
Robotic Sasquatch
A Mrs. & Mr. AC joint effort:
Rosie, Jetson's maid
The original sexbot
"Stop this crazy thing!"
If I was AC
I'D marry Mr. AC
This man is brilliant
8 haikus, 8 gems
You are nuclear weaponry
And nice avatar
Lame robot duds...dudes
Totally forgettable
Evil Bill and Ted
Robocop a wuss
ED 209 real badass
no crime, all are dead
HAL9000's voice
so calm, so soothing, yet mad
with nowhere to hide
Supercomputer
Can read lips. Who programmed THAT?
Heads rolled in '02
[bleep] i will kill you
[krrrrch]...my robo-arms won't move
damn prime directives!
fine-ass number 6
i'd let you kill my whole race
one shot at that ass
guffaws at my "size"
go, go, gadget penis! {SHROOOOOOP}
who's laughing now, toots?
R2 mailboxes
federal crime to steal one
sucks. great souvenir.
perils of droid love
finger in the wrong port. ZAP!
fried "power cable"
HAL: misunderstood
contradictory orders
did the best he could
Inane dialogue
"I'd buy that for a dollar!"
It makes zero sense
Worst droid of Star Wars
R5-D4's legacy:
"Bad motivator"
The pros of Sexbots:
Sexual assaults decline
Prostitution - gone
Randy ministers
12 year old boybot per priest
Think of the children
AC - my two cents
"Fire" is two syllables
It rhymes with "higher"
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