Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Haiku Hump Day: Cartoon Animals (aka Actually Animals from any form of Fiction)

Remember how after the post-Horrorthon HHD haitus we returned with topics about our lives and our experiences instead of random slices of the vast, ever-expanding media grid? Well, the leering Great Dane above is here to tell you it's all over.

Once again I'm opening the floodgates of your brain bones to wax wise about things we've seen on screens. But the topic is both titles, I just had to lead with "Cartoon Animals" because it sounds cool.

We here at Octocorp are accepting live-action animals, puppets animals, people-in-costume animals, whatever. (Just as long as they come from something made up, because real life puppets freak me out.)

And don't forget books! Our animal friends have been on our minds since we could bust out cave paintings. Heck, go all the way back to the Trojan Horse if you like, although I'll remind you that horse wasn't real, as it was made of wood and guys.

Of course it took the twentieth century's advent of cutting edge technology to really expose the deep, primal connections between the human psyche and our fuzzy, feathery, scaley or exoskeleton-y friends. You can see why I lead from there.

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to Take Over the World." Dang if that isn't just the best catch phrase ever.

If it moves and it ain't wearing orange, shoot it. With poetry bullets.

Gimme some 'kus, foos!


50PageMcGee said...

Milne's animal pals
Flawed personalities, all
They'd make shitty friends

Pooh, soft in the head
Can't rely on him for shit
Alzheimer's patient?

Chipper li'l Piglet
Like Pooh, of almost no help
I'd eat you as ham

Settle down, Tigger
That coked-out hopping about
Making me anxious

Don't get Eeyore's fame
Every damn word, a complaint
Rude as shit to all

Then there's bookish Owl
Can't even spell your own name
And you're the *smart* one?

Rabbit, full of plans
Most of them weak at key points
That's why they all fail

Christopher Robin
Rabbit is smarter than you
Nice boy-skirt, sissy

Lottie the Otter
Where the fuck did you come from?
And why should i care?

Kanga: different sort
Smart and kind, unlike the rest
How do you stand them?

Catfreeek said...

Most annoying toon
Scrappy Doo, I'd run him down
Then he'd be road scraps

Scooby Doo was stoned
showing toon world to pot heads
weekend wake and bake

The new stoner toon
Spongebob Squarepants, funny stoned
annoying when straight

The age old question
Warner Brothers or Disney?
I went with Warner

Catfreeek said...

Davy a moron
Goliath kept his shit straight
and had a cooler voice

Fred put the cat out
but the cat won that battle
toon animals are smart

Flintstone house gadgets
all disgruntled animals
eat shit, no wages

Catfreeek said...

A Flintstone shower
Elephant snot water spray
is this really clean?

Pig under the sink
Flintstone garbage disposal
where'd the pig poop go?

Octopunk said...

The truth hurts, Catfreeek
There was another sink pig
They kept him off screen

AC said...

deputy dawg sucked
bro did great imitations
some were x-rated

AC said...

remember wildfire
cheesy 70s song horse?
i wish i didn't.

AC said...

for last week's topic
wish i'd remembered our girl
TOS horta

HandsomeStan said...

Fire at the old mill???
Lassie, tell us what's wrong, girl!!!
Oh - she's gotta pee

Billy's in trouble???
Flipper, you must tell us more!!!
I see...more fish first

Dino, Astro, 'Duke
Stay out of my cartoon yard
Lock 'em in Toon Pound

(i got one more hour in the Fort Lauderdale airport before leaving the country (and presumably Internet) behind. I'll throw more up if inspiration strikes.)

HandsomeStan said...

Our upstairs neighbors
It's either a toddler, or
Thumper come to life

Sleepless childhood
An insurmountable fear
Monstro - fucking A

Mice, ducks, dogs, chipmunks
And a castle in the swamp
The stuff of empire

JPX said...

50P ripped off my Pooh idea from a few weeks back!

I never like Pooh
Sure he's friendly and helpful
But he's kind of dumb

I just love Snoopy
Loyal yet independent
Earned his Joe Cool name

Tom and Jerry sucked
Exercise in frustration
Couldn't Tom win once?

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Gates of Hell opened
An awful new word was coined
Beware: “the squeakuel”

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Scooby Doobie Doo
Where the Holy Hell are you?
I don’t really care

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Preachy animals
Tell me how to live my life
A pet peeve of mine

It is rude to point
I’ll point back at you, Smokey
Self righteous prick bear

I’ll give you a hoot
A hoot right upside your head
Woodsy – you’ve been warned

Octopunk said...

Jiminy Cricket
So small, but big pain in ass
You go squishy now

In original
P boils the cricket alive
That's a good puppet

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Was he the Devil?
Or did he just enjoy pranks?
Eve died not knowing

50PageMcGee said...

did not rip off X
can't remember that far back
stoner memory

Catfreeek said...

Falcor the Dragon
always thought he was a perv
"Ride me Atreyu"

Come to think of it
Pepe Le Pew was one too
Stalker rapist skunk

Then there's Snagglepuss
and Wally Gator also
Out of the closet?

AC said...

mist cradles farmland
rays of sun pierce eastern sky
foghorn leghorn crows

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Cartoon cats lack pride
Heathcliff, Garfield, f'in Snarff
Why? Role model: Tom

JPX said...

My Pooh haikus from April,

The Pooh characters
Have psychiatric problems
Just think about it

Take Eyeore for ex.
Yep, Dysthymic Disorder
Needs SSRI's

Don't forget Tiger
Yep, bipolar mania
Needs some Lithium

What about Piglet?
Generalized anxiety
He worries too much

Then there's the Rabbit
Who is fond of making lists
He's OCPD*

Owl is easy
He's a classic narcissist
Mr. Know-it-all

And what about Pooh?
He seems confused about things
Yeah, he's retarded

*Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

Octopunk said...

When I read 50's
I thought "we've seen similar"
Forgot it was Pooh

Not Ripoff McGee
I don't think he played that week
It's still fun to say

Naughty naughty Fif!
What would that cricket say now?
Nothing. I squished it.

JPX said...

He ripped off my Pooh!
I'm just giving 50 crap
Good stuff, Mr. P.

Place them side by side
Dynomutt is Scooby Doo
Lazy cartooning

Never watched some 'toons,
Like McGilla Gorilla
Or Quick Draw McGraw

Those predate my time
I bet Octopunk watched them
Haha, Octo's old

50PageMcGee said...

If we made a film
We could make Bloody Care Bears
Got a great sight gag:

Bear about to beam
Shot with shotgun from behind
Guts spray out the front

Octopunk said...

Fitty watched Care Bears!
I know nothing of this "beam"
Since I'm not a girl

JPX said...

Top Cat was a jerk
An antisocial grifter
Cats should not wear hats!

Yogi Bear stole stuff
Was unapologetic
Bears should not wear hats

Hong Kong Phooey's deal?
Inspector Clouseau rip-off
Dogs should not wear masks

How I hated Gleek
The 'Gilligan' of cartoons
Stupid blue monkey

Julie said...

Big bird's nest must stink.
Gordon's window is right there
Looking at big turds.

Julie said...

What is it like when
Miss Piggy and Kermit fuck?
I will never tell.

Julie said...

It would be funny
If Baby Bear grew up and
Ate Elmo all up.

Julie said...

I just had candy,
Cheetos, two eggs, and Snapple
For dinner. Off topic.

Julie said...

Family Guy dog
Is not that funny to me.
I know I'm alone.

Catfreeek said...

Hey Johnny Sweatpants
How 'bout Mcgruff the crime dog?
Not on your dis list

'member Jabber Jaw
Stupid shark, talked like Curly
Brody blew him up

Cujo was so cute
til he went mad with rabies
Oh well, shit happens

Catfreeek said...

Anyone recall
That show "The New Zoo Review"
Hippo, owl and frog

Freddy Frog was gay
Not that there's anything wrong
with that (Seinfeld ref)

DCD said...

Love the Road Runner.
Defied gravity and rules
of physics. Awesome.

Just call up ACME,
they have it all! Coyote
keeps them all employed.

'Nother order in!
Earthquake pills and Batman wings.
Thank you, Wile E!

DCD said...

SpongeBob. Funny guy.
Then your impressionable
kid starts watching. Ha.

Now? I can't stand it.
Obnoxious and annoying.
And the show's bad too.

DCD said...

Nothing was better
then the Muppets in their prime.
That was quality.

Our hero, Kermit,
trying to make it work. AND
avoid Miss Piggy.

Rolf the dog. Gonzo.
Animal. Sam the Eagle.
I miss Jim Henson.

DCD said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DCD said...

I would just like to take this moment to say that Blogger is fucking with me. I have now lost two separate comments! One I re-did, only to have another one disappear. Does Blogger not realize how important HHD is? Perhaps Jordan has gotten to them?!?!

DCD said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DCD said...

I'm proactively
hating Marmaduke. But that's
acceptable, right?

DCD said...

Give me Babe the Pig.
"That'll do pig, that'll do."
I'm a crying mess.