Friday, May 28, 2010

HHD: Things I Suck At, results are in!

Horrorthonner’s don’t disappoint! Reading through your haikus I concluded that I’ve never known a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.* There was a lot of suckage to wade through and I learned a lot (things perhaps I didn’t want to know) about my fellow bloggers.

In no particular order I learned that 50P hates babies,

i'm good with kids, but
i'm no help when they're infants
can't change a diaper

(could probably learn
but the smell of baby shit?

I learned that most of us suck at sports,


8th grade little league
Not one hit. The whole season.
Stick to wiffle ball

I feel your pain, brother.

I also can’t bowl
Ball always drifts to gutter
As do all my thoughts


Nemesis baseball
Can't catch flyballs in movies?
I so was that kid


throwing, catching, kicking fine;
can't hit ball with stick


I suck at all sports.
Did gymnastics in my youth,
growth spurt ended that.

I didn’t learn anything about Catfreeek because I concluded long ago that her home must look like that of a hoarder,

I suck at cleaning
just can't get motivated
I dust once a year

Big pile junk mail
I throw it on the table
knowing that it's junk

My bedroom's messy
I do vacuum often though
a must with 5 cats

The runner up is JSP with this little gem,

Horrid singing voice
When singing “Happy Birthday”
I just mouth the words
Me too, little brother.

The winner is AC for revealing a number of personal insecurities,

i just don't sleep well
of all the things i suck at
this for me is worst

it's hard to say no
bites me in the ass daily
will i ever learn

admitting i'm wrong
incredibly difficult
fortunately rare

My favorite of AC’s,

i've no fashion sense
don't do "outfits" or "shopping"
but you all knew that

AC, I’ve struggled with this my entire life. My solution? When I buy clothing I just buy whatever the mannequin is wearing in Old Navy, he can’t be wrong, right?
Congratulations, AC!

*I just love to crowbar that in whenever opportunity presents itself.


Catfreeek said...

Congrats AC, great job!

JPX I am not a hoarder but I think Tony would be close if I didn't stay on his ass. The man saves everything! One day I am going to have a Horrorthon get together here and you will be sorely disappointed. I'm still laughing at that picture, you made my day!

Great topic btw.

AC said...

wow thanks jpx! i'm surprised and truly honored. and thanks for the old navy mannequin tip! :)

DCD said...

Congrats, AC! Very fun topic, JPX!

Octopunk said...

Congrats AC! I must say I was very taken with Johnny's bowling haiku. "As do all my thoughts" is just brilliant. You, sir, are a poet.

I also thought AC's very first one about being wrong was great.

I love it when HHD develops a little antogonistic subplot. I was thinking about haikus about how other 'thonners sucked, and even got one off on Catfreeek for her syllable gaff, but it took JSP to really get it going.

Sorry in advance on this one, but I was trying to think of one along the lines of

When I go see shows
4th worst nightclub fire ever
Wow that's not funny

I never even got that far yesterday because, of course, the Station fire really wasn't very funny. I couldn't present it without the apologetic framework of this comment. And maybe I shouldn't have anyway.

The choice of pic representing AC is kind of hilarious.

JPX said...

That is a picture of "little Edie Beale" from "Grey Gardens", one of my very favorite film documentaries. I make my interns watch it every rotation. It's a fantastic study of madness in the Bouvier family.

50PageMcGee said...

nice one AC, and a topic with good possibilities JPX!


Catfreeek said...

I love Grey Gardens, it's just so compelling. I found myself glued to the tv.

50P we did the Simpsons and as I remember it was a fairly unsuccessful topic.

Catfreeek said...

Hey JPX, isn't it amazing to you that I can dig my way through the oodles of junk in my house and somehow find my computer each day? (still laughing at that picture)

AC said...

thanks guys.

i love little edie. she's a complete loon but also very likeable. she dresses way better than i do, obviously.

on the commute into work i got a brainstorm for the topic for next wednesday, and boy am i psyched!

Catfreeek said...

How JPX envisions my house

JPX said...

That's exactly how I envision your house!

Catfreeek said...

Well that's not my house, it was my Grandma's. Hahaha, just kidding! That was from an episode of hoarders.

I really only have 5 cats and my house does not smell. Unless you mean the smell of incense or food cooking. We clean the litter boxes daily. It's just a little dusty. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Octopunk said...

If you do have a Horrorthon get together, I hope you dirty it up.

50PageMcGee said...

(that was the joke, freeeek)

Catfreeek said...

50P I thought of that after I posted. Duh, sometimes I'm a little slow on the draw.

Octo I want JPX to feel like he's at Grey Gardens. I might even chuck a raccoon or two into the attic for good measure.

Octopunk said...

Attic? I say you stuff 'em into the couch!