... to this game for infants or idiots who don't believe in free will:
If it wasn't for board games, how would we ever know who the better person is?
From feeling wise...
... to all the pies,
it's haiku time, guys!
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
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Salem's Lot 1979 and Salem's Lot 2024
Happy Halloween everybody! Julie's working late and the boy doesn't have school tomorrow so he's heading to one of those crazy f...
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(2007) * First of all let me say that as far as I could tell there are absolutely no dead teenagers in this entire film. Every year just ...
78 comments:
It is with great shame that I apologize for my absence from the last couple weeks.
It is also with considerable fist-shaking that I must confess to sitting on this topic since my last win, waiting to drop it. JSP & I seem to share a brain, as usual.
So without further ado...
Gotta get the car
Only douches use thimbles
Or irons, horsies
My railroads ain’t cheap
My hotels are all five stars
You’re now poor, homeless
Cluster armada
Find enemy fleet quickly
Otherwise, all done
Naval strategy:
Find the invisible ships
Just bomb at random
Turn diagonal!
Captain! That’s impossible!
Damn this square ocean
Sorry? No, you aren’t
I’ll slide-bump your peg right off
Laugh all the way Home
Pretty sneaky, sis
Now I’ll steal your diary
Revenge: it’s a bitch
World domination
Stan/JSP get in fight
That’s MY Kamchatka!
Forget Middle East
Kamchatka to Alaska
The REAL battleground
Real-life strategy
The Big Cluster Down Under
Just conquer from there
My modern army
Big Roman numeral ten
You surrender now
Some dinner party
Each aristocrat suspect
More wine, if you please
Mustard, Plum, Peacock
Menu? No. Murderers? Yes.
Welp, gotta get home
Fireball Island
Or, Giant Marble Island
Either way, you’re dead
Fuck! Get off the path!!
What is it? Big fireball?
No! Big red marble!
Nice party-kill, Stan
Lesson one: Don't go "Scorched Earth"
Right out of the gate
Months and weeks pent up
Haiku floodgates just opened
Scrabble, anyone?
Fear you not Stanley
Your scribbles amuse me so
Think I'll let you live
Your references
I get about half of them
Secret Sweatpants code
Does this matter? No.
Prepare for shameful defeat
Like losing in chess
See what I did there?
Brought the theme back in -- clever
Afoot, the game is
Falcon's chessboard off
The monsters hang out inside
Sharing monster smokes
I've got an idea
Let's teach kids about foreplay
We'll call it "Twister"
The jewel is all mine
I just need to cross that bridge
What’s that rumbling sound?
Which version to play?
You like “Proper”, “Improper”
Or “Proper Proper”?
(another Handsome Stan in-joke, please bear with us…)
Knew this chick at school
Thought she had the inside track
But she never did
Makeups and breakups
Thought she knew all the gossip
We would roll our eyes
Joyous proof arrived
Someone brought Clue game from home
Two levels of fun
Always jumped the gun
Yelled "I knew it!" Viewed killer
Always, always wrong
"When will Jen blow it?"
That was our new fave sub-game
Satisfied snickers
Congratulations!
You own Baltic Avenue
You're a big loser
Monopoly's goal
Play until all players bored
Throw money in air
Monopoly brings
Resentment and annoyance
I'm always the hat
Monopoly choice
One hundred thousand versions
All equally lame
Atlantic City
Baltic really IS a dump
Saw with my own eyes
Ears bleed through fingers
Dice tumble from plastic cup
Yahtzee, at what price???
Simpsons, Star Wars, KISS,
Wrestling & Proper Proper
The. Trivia. GAAAAAAME.
Wrestling figure chess
Earthquake: fattest Queen ever
Sarge don't pay taxes
(Yup, reference. Sorry.)
Indians?!? *hawwk* *spit*
Earthquake charges Tatanka
Big splash! Queen takes pawn!
Played chess with Wookies
Now I've got no damn arms left
Because I won twice
Played chess with the Lord
Would have him in two more moves
Then: Armageddon
Scrabble king dethroned
Taken out by three women
Winning war on words
Friday, no sitter
spinning words into the night
don't fuck with a Mom
Seven letter word
but there's no place to put it
my life for an E
Back in Showcase days
added drinking to all games
Ha! You puked, you lose
My worst subject in school
Learned about Geography
from a game of Risk
Played chess with Yoda
"You checkmate, or checkmate not
There is no trymate"
While spouting wisdom
Sneak-moved his knight with the Force
Little green bastard
Michael J Fox is
Not very good at the game
Called Operation
I schooled Whirlygirl
In Stratego on Monday
I believe she cried
Sweet! Neopolitan!
Almost done with this damn game!
Fuck - lollipop
JSP schooled first
beat him twice at Stratego
haha he cried first
He lost so so much
Fireball Island, Quiddler
games I'd never played
Sister liked to cheat
at our family games of Clue
Called her "Rubber Neck"
I’m the Boggle Champ
I never lose in Boggle
‘Cuz I always win
You can't act or draw
What to play? Ooooh! Clay To Win!
Let's sculpt stuff real fast!
That game with Octo:
"Is it 'monster'?" "BIG monster?"
Answer: butterfly
Sweatpants' Boggle skills
Boggling. Truly mind-boggling.
An EIGHT-letter word?
I got "pan" and "nap"
2 points for me. JSP:
Got "panacean"
I don’t like poker
My great aunt tried to teach me
She was such a bitch
I was only 12
Expected me to “get it”
After 5 minutes
She was critical
“No, you’re doing it all wrong!”
I don’t like poker
Want to feel lousy?
Just play board games with Johnny
He’s in it to win
When he’s not winning
He’s irritable and mean
Whirly’s the same way
Game Show to board game
never seemed to work out well
lame versions, no host
Did we ever play
I think not just pop pop pop
dice pop-o-matic
I preferred Sorry
My cousin liked Parchesi
Old people's Sorry
Games involving cash
eyed banker suspiciously
always seemed to win
Hmmm "Don't Break the Ice"
It's not really a board game
No board just some cubes
Piece by piece building
As the mice race after cheese
Who lost the marble?
Dis my sculpting skills
Invite peril, mad defeat
I'll "butterfly" you
It's documented
Octo pictionary? Wild.
Not for the timid
Backgammon, no thanks
I never learned how to play
It just looks boring
I say she cheated
How did she connect those four?
Pretty sneaky sis'
It's Operation
Yep, the 'wacky doctor's game'
Shockingly stupid
Remember Mousetrap?
30 minutes of hard work
5 seconds of fun
Hated Perfection
It's a race against the clock
It's fucking stressful
Octo's sculpting skills
Haiku meant as compliment
Whoops. Fucking backfire.
Pro at Clay to Win
Prob only one in the room
No one carves better
Every sculpture cool
It's why we all guess "monster"
Cuz it looks so cool
He'd do "butterfly"
With one eyeball, tentacles
And it would be cool
Compliment? Well, thanks!
In truth I've not Clayed to Win
Not enough monsters
Trivial Pursuit
My worst color is orange
Who cares about sports?
Love me green questions
Lotsa science-nature stuff
Wedged firmly in brain
Think I'm out of date
Think they changed the dang colors
Sports data still sucks
Exactly. "Proper":
Blue, Pink, Yellow, Green, Orange
Pink, my weak spot. Odd.
Killed Geography.
History - ehh. Science - Big Champ.
Sports - 50/50
Whoops. Forgot Big Brown.
Arts & Lit. Could hold my own.
Overall: B+
"Proper": those colors
"Proper Proper": same, later
"Improper": shit changed
Pink is my strongest
Brown and green are close seconds
like Octo orange sucks
How about Ouija
Not really a game at all
a kids scare tactic
A late night favorite
Used to play Scattergories
made up our own lists
Though I must admit
Stan's list words were always strange
Worst name for a dwarf?
On a lighter note
JSP's? Just as you'd think
'nother word for butt
article i read
monopoly street update
they've all gone to seed
St. Charles: Parking lot
Pacific is all hookers
and *no* Free Parking
Oriental Ave.
Bum (when told its game price)
"It aint worth *that* much."
fuckin JSP
many chess games, he's crushed me
at least there's Scrabble
Scrabble - *that's* my game
I could take any of you
(in a legal game)
When I say "legal"
No dictionary allowed
(sorry, catfreeeek)
Apologies to JSP & DCD, here's what I should have offered last week, but granted, there was no competing with JSP's "Giving Tree" 'ku, plus I was otherwise occupied:
Stop eating my book
You Caterpillar. Oh Wait.
Butterfly. Gotcha.
I want to go "Where"
It's the Place the Wild Things Are
Parents don't get it
When I Run The Zoo
My favorite Seuss novel
VERY symbolic
When I Run The Zoo
Metaphor for my career
Movies - savages
When I Run The Zoo
A zoo I don't want to run
But there's good money
(break)
Lesson to conform
Sneetches taught me EVERYTHING
Just don't get tattoos
Open tattoo joint
Near susceptible Sneetches
You'll never go broke
(break, and back to topic)
The Game Of (sigh) Life
Only THIS path through mountains?
SCREW pink/blue Peg Kids
Still stand by my game
I play a good "legal" game
No puter, just board
In thonners Scrabble
tough call 50 or Jordan
dueling word wizards
Fifty and Handsome
Condescended by Sweatapants
"You're, like, chess EQUALS."
I hate when I typo an extra syllable. In any event,
Cherry blossoms fall
Parcheesi slide bits fall short
Old folks fall in death
i've had it with chess.
cause of 'pants -- as for Catfreeek
i *almost* quit Scrab'
know what brought me back?
fuckin *wrecking* 'Pants next game
not so scary here
Let's see, H 7
Jerk! You sunk my battleship!
what a boring game
Yanking out some sticks
each turn getting more intense
marbles go Kerplunk!
Mah Jong and Cribbage
Games at the front of death's door
What the fuck. Really.
I'm about to die
Let's play "Asshole," you assholes
Drink for being old
I take your bishop
Take my queen, see if I care
I got your priest, jerk
I missed my calling
Should have been a detective
I always win Clue
A fragile tower
careful extraction of pegs
All to call Jenga!
Worst thing to hear when
fighting off a hangover
"Mom, play games with me."
Kids are sore losers
they cheat, lie and start to cry
just like JSP
I clearly recall
him playing games with my kids
laughing when they'd lose
They'd begin to cry
His remorse to give a hug
then beat them again
i display prowess
Through pieces dismantling you
Welcome to my game
Aaaaaannd from MrsX:
Evening of Scrabble
Crush him with X Triple Word
Competitive bitch
E-I-E-I-O
Doesn't spell a goddamn thing
God I hate Scrabble
"like Octo orange sucks"
Wait, what?
Sorry Octo not YOU suck, like you I suck at the orange sports questions. Damn those syllable constraints!
Oh, I know. That was just too funny a juxtaposition not to comment. Hee hee.
You know I didn't even think of that when I wrote it.
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