Wednesday, May 05, 2010

HHD Proudly Presents: Board Games!!!

From the greatest game ever invented...


... to this game for infants or idiots who don't believe in free will:


If it wasn't for board games, how would we ever know who the better person is?


From feeling wise...

... to all the pies,



it's haiku time, guys!



101 comments:

HandsomeStan said...

It is with great shame that I apologize for my absence from the last couple weeks.

It is also with considerable fist-shaking that I must confess to sitting on this topic since my last win, waiting to drop it. JSP & I seem to share a brain, as usual.

So without further ado...

Gotta get the car
Only douches use thimbles
Or irons, horsies

My railroads ain’t cheap
My hotels are all five stars
You’re now poor, homeless

HandsomeStan said...

Cluster armada
Find enemy fleet quickly
Otherwise, all done

Naval strategy:
Find the invisible ships
Just bomb at random

Turn diagonal!
Captain! That’s impossible!
Damn this square ocean

HandsomeStan said...

Sorry? No, you aren’t
I’ll slide-bump your peg right off
Laugh all the way Home

HandsomeStan said...

Pretty sneaky, sis
Now I’ll steal your diary
Revenge: it’s a bitch

HandsomeStan said...

World domination
Stan/JSP get in fight
That’s MY Kamchatka!

Forget Middle East
Kamchatka to Alaska
The REAL battleground

Real-life strategy
The Big Cluster Down Under
Just conquer from there

My modern army
Big Roman numeral ten
You surrender now

HandsomeStan said...

Some dinner party
Each aristocrat suspect
More wine, if you please

Mustard, Plum, Peacock
Menu? No. Murderers? Yes.
Welp, gotta get home

HandsomeStan said...

Fireball Island
Or, Giant Marble Island
Either way, you’re dead

Fuck! Get off the path!!
What is it? Big fireball?
No! Big red marble!

HandsomeStan said...

Nice party-kill, Stan
Lesson one: Don't go "Scorched Earth"
Right out of the gate

Months and weeks pent up
Haiku floodgates just opened
Scrabble, anyone?

Octopunk said...

Fear you not Stanley
Your scribbles amuse me so
Think I'll let you live

Your references
I get about half of them
Secret Sweatpants code

Does this matter? No.
Prepare for shameful defeat
Like losing in chess

See what I did there?
Brought the theme back in -- clever
Afoot, the game is

Octopunk said...

Falcon's chessboard off
The monsters hang out inside
Sharing monster smokes

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I've got an idea
Let's teach kids about foreplay
We'll call it "Twister"

Johnny Sweatpants said...

The jewel is all mine
I just need to cross that bridge
What’s that rumbling sound?

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Which version to play?
You like “Proper”, “Improper”
Or “Proper Proper”?

(another Handsome Stan in-joke, please bear with us…)

Octopunk said...

Knew this chick at school
Thought she had the inside track
But she never did

Makeups and breakups
Thought she knew all the gossip
We would roll our eyes

Joyous proof arrived
Someone brought Clue game from home
Two levels of fun

Always jumped the gun
Yelled "I knew it!" Viewed killer
Always, always wrong

"When will Jen blow it?"
That was our new fave sub-game
Satisfied snickers

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Congratulations!
You own Baltic Avenue
You're a big loser

Octopunk said...

Monopoly's goal
Play until all players bored
Throw money in air

Octopunk said...

Monopoly brings
Resentment and annoyance
I'm always the hat

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Monopoly choice
One hundred thousand versions
All equally lame

HandsomeStan said...

Atlantic City
Baltic really IS a dump
Saw with my own eyes

Ears bleed through fingers
Dice tumble from plastic cup
Yahtzee, at what price???

Simpsons, Star Wars, KISS,
Wrestling & Proper Proper
The. Trivia. GAAAAAAME.

HandsomeStan said...

Wrestling figure chess
Earthquake: fattest Queen ever
Sarge don't pay taxes

(Yup, reference. Sorry.)

Indians?!? *hawwk* *spit*
Earthquake charges Tatanka
Big splash! Queen takes pawn!

Octopunk said...

Played chess with Wookies
Now I've got no damn arms left
Because I won twice

Octopunk said...

Played chess with the Lord
Would have him in two more moves
Then: Armageddon

Catfreeek said...

Scrabble king dethroned
Taken out by three women
Winning war on words

Friday, no sitter
spinning words into the night
don't fuck with a Mom

Seven letter word
but there's no place to put it
my life for an E

Catfreeek said...

Back in Showcase days
added drinking to all games
Ha! You puked, you lose

My worst subject in school
Learned about Geography
from a game of Risk

Octopunk said...

Played chess with Yoda
"You checkmate, or checkmate not
There is no trymate"

While spouting wisdom
Sneak-moved his knight with the Force
Little green bastard

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Michael J Fox is
Not very good at the game
Called Operation

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I schooled Whirlygirl
In Stratego on Monday
I believe she cried

HandsomeStan said...

Sweet! Neopolitan!
Almost done with this damn game!
Fuck - lollipop

Whirlygirl said...

JSP schooled first
beat him twice at Stratego
haha he cried first

He lost so so much
Fireball Island, Quiddler
games I'd never played

Whirlygirl said...

Sister liked to cheat
at our family games of Clue
Called her "Rubber Neck"

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I’m the Boggle Champ
I never lose in Boggle
‘Cuz I always win

HandsomeStan said...

You can't act or draw
What to play? Ooooh! Clay To Win!
Let's sculpt stuff real fast!

That game with Octo:
"Is it 'monster'?" "BIG monster?"
Answer: butterfly

HandsomeStan said...

Sweatpants' Boggle skills
Boggling. Truly mind-boggling.
An EIGHT-letter word?

I got "pan" and "nap"
2 points for me. JSP:
Got "panacean"

JPX said...

I don’t like poker
My great aunt tried to teach me
She was such a bitch

I was only 12
Expected me to “get it”
After 5 minutes

She was critical
“No, you’re doing it all wrong!”
I don’t like poker

Want to feel lousy?
Just play board games with Johnny
He’s in it to win

When he’s not winning
He’s irritable and mean
Whirly’s the same way

Catfreeek said...

Game Show to board game
never seemed to work out well
lame versions, no host

Did we ever play
I think not just pop pop pop
dice pop-o-matic

I preferred Sorry
My cousin liked Parchesi
Old people's Sorry

Games involving cash
eyed banker suspiciously
always seemed to win

Hmmm "Don't Break the Ice"
It's not really a board game
No board just some cubes

Piece by piece building
As the mice race after cheese
Who lost the marble?

Octopunk said...

Dis my sculpting skills
Invite peril, mad defeat
I'll "butterfly" you

Octopunk said...

It's documented
Octo pictionary? Wild.
Not for the timid

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Backgammon, no thanks
I never learned how to play
It just looks boring

JPX said...

I say she cheated
How did she connect those four?
Pretty sneaky sis'

It's Operation
Yep, the 'wacky doctor's game'
Shockingly stupid

Remember Mousetrap?
30 minutes of hard work
5 seconds of fun

Hated Perfection
It's a race against the clock
It's fucking stressful

HandsomeStan said...

Octo's sculpting skills
Haiku meant as compliment
Whoops. Fucking backfire.

Pro at Clay to Win
Prob only one in the room
No one carves better

Every sculpture cool
It's why we all guess "monster"
Cuz it looks so cool

He'd do "butterfly"
With one eyeball, tentacles
And it would be cool

Octopunk said...

Compliment? Well, thanks!
In truth I've not Clayed to Win
Not enough monsters

Octopunk said...

Trivial Pursuit
My worst color is orange
Who cares about sports?

Octopunk said...

Love me green questions
Lotsa science-nature stuff
Wedged firmly in brain

Octopunk said...

Think I'm out of date
Think they changed the dang colors
Sports data still sucks

HandsomeStan said...

Exactly. "Proper":
Blue, Pink, Yellow, Green, Orange
Pink, my weak spot. Odd.

Killed Geography.
History - ehh. Science - Big Champ.
Sports - 50/50

Whoops. Forgot Big Brown.
Arts & Lit. Could hold my own.
Overall: B+

"Proper": those colors
"Proper Proper": same, later
"Improper": shit changed

Catfreeek said...

Pink is my strongest
Brown and green are close seconds
like Octo orange sucks

How about Ouija
Not really a game at all
a kids scare tactic

A late night favorite
Used to play Scattergories
made up our own lists

Though I must admit
Stan's list words were always strange
Worst name for a dwarf?

On a lighter note
JSP's? Just as you'd think
'nother word for butt

50PageMcGee said...

article i read
monopoly street update
they've all gone to seed

St. Charles: Parking lot
Pacific is all hookers
and *no* Free Parking

Oriental Ave.
Bum (when told its game price)
"It aint worth *that* much."

50PageMcGee said...

fuckin JSP
many chess games, he's crushed me
at least there's Scrabble

Scrabble - *that's* my game
I could take any of you
(in a legal game)

When I say "legal"
No dictionary allowed
(sorry, catfreeeek)

HandsomeStan said...

Apologies to JSP & DCD, here's what I should have offered last week, but granted, there was no competing with JSP's "Giving Tree" 'ku, plus I was otherwise occupied:

Stop eating my book
You Caterpillar. Oh Wait.
Butterfly. Gotcha.

I want to go "Where"
It's the Place the Wild Things Are
Parents don't get it

When I Run The Zoo
My favorite Seuss novel
VERY symbolic

When I Run The Zoo
Metaphor for my career
Movies - savages

When I Run The Zoo
A zoo I don't want to run
But there's good money

(break)

Lesson to conform
Sneetches taught me EVERYTHING
Just don't get tattoos

Open tattoo joint
Near susceptible Sneetches
You'll never go broke

(break, and back to topic)

The Game Of (sigh) Life
Only THIS path through mountains?
SCREW pink/blue Peg Kids

Catfreeek said...

Still stand by my game
I play a good "legal" game
No puter, just board

In thonners Scrabble
tough call 50 or Jordan
dueling word wizards

HandsomeStan said...

Fifty and Handsome
Condescended by Sweatapants
"You're, like, chess EQUALS."

HandsomeStan said...

I hate when I typo an extra syllable. In any event,

Cherry blossoms fall
Parcheesi slide bits fall short
Old folks fall in death

50PageMcGee said...

i've had it with chess.
cause of 'pants -- as for Catfreeek
i *almost* quit Scrab'

50PageMcGee said...

know what brought me back?
fuckin *wrecking* 'Pants next game
not so scary here

Catfreeek said...

Let's see, H 7
Jerk! You sunk my battleship!
what a boring game

Yanking out some sticks
each turn getting more intense
marbles go Kerplunk!

HandsomeStan said...

Mah Jong and Cribbage
Games at the front of death's door
What the fuck. Really.

HandsomeStan said...

I'm about to die
Let's play "Asshole," you assholes
Drink for being old

HandsomeStan said...

I take your bishop
Take my queen, see if I care
I got your priest, jerk

Catfreeek said...

I missed my calling
Should have been a detective
I always win Clue

A fragile tower
careful extraction of pegs
All to call Jenga!

Catfreeek said...

Worst thing to hear when
fighting off a hangover
"Mom, play games with me."

Kids are sore losers
they cheat, lie and start to cry
just like JSP

I clearly recall
him playing games with my kids
laughing when they'd lose

They'd begin to cry
His remorse to give a hug
then beat them again

HandsomeStan said...

i display prowess
Through pieces dismantling you
Welcome to my game

HandsomeStan said...

Aaaaaannd from MrsX:

Evening of Scrabble
Crush him with X Triple Word
Competitive bitch

E-I-E-I-O
Doesn't spell a goddamn thing
God I hate Scrabble

Octopunk said...

"like Octo orange sucks"

Wait, what?

Catfreeek said...

Sorry Octo not YOU suck, like you I suck at the orange sports questions. Damn those syllable constraints!

Octopunk said...

Oh, I know. That was just too funny a juxtaposition not to comment. Hee hee.

Catfreeek said...

You know I didn't even think of that when I wrote it.

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