Sunday, May 16, 2010

HHD Results: Not Revealed In The Title!

*hushed silence* Could it be? Why would he lead off with a picture of the first-ever female Heavyweight Intercontinental Champion?

*ooooooohhh* He's just messing with our minds, now showing us the single GREATEST Intercontinental Champion ever, coincidentally a man. (Shut up JSP, I hear you on the Hitman. Time and place for everything.)

Continuing the recent tradition of Who Knows When The Results Will Actually Come In, I'm posting this late on Sunday night. (Hopefully everyone sees it; JPX - can you keep it at the top until at least The Champ comments?) Sorry for the delay; it's been a hectic few days as I plan for MrsX & I to jet off to the Bahamas on Wednesday for our first true vacation together in, well, ever. Thankfully, the Butler Service we signed up for at Sandals will place the toilet paper roll in the CORRECT way. With that in mind, here's how my favorites broke down:

First up, The Women:


AC -

my college boyfriend
used the floor to store laundry
both clean and dirty

men win the contest
of superhero weapons
gold lasso, really?

(Summed up the laundry and superhero situations both eloquently and wonderfully. I was hoping for others to jump on the "hero haiku" wagon, but AC pretty much said it all right there. Genius.)


Up at 2am
What noise has awakened me?
The room smells of farts

Up at 3am
What noise has awakened me?
King Kong is snoring

Up at 4am
Now what has awakened me?
Toenail scratched my leg

Up at 5am
Still awake because I'm pissed!
Think I'll try the couch

(These could all have also been penned by MrsX, and the series itself was the front-runner for a good portion of the day. Alas...)


Take care of the kids,
clean the house, laundry, lunches...
Then you want sex? Pffft.

(Umm...yes. Yes we do.)

Julie - (I feared we wouldn't hear from her, thank goodness she showed :)

No cars, no sports, nope.
Two hundred thousand Legos.
Very organized.

(I don't doubt this number's accurate.)

Shit, here comes Octo!
He has a bat! Help me! Help!
Sorry, just kidding.

(The hilariousnessness of both Octo attacking and subsequently Julie having to appeal for help in haiku form was brilliant.)

And now, The Fellahs:



If you fight with them
You won't get access to boobs
Just say, "You're right, dear"


Sure there is no god
But if there was I'd tell him
Thanks for making boobs



Some girls like Star Wars
They’re not fooling anyone
They don’t understand

(I should also mention the "Black folks drive like this" 'ku, which made me chuckle, only because I'm in the middle of a revival of Simpsons seasons 3-8 right now. Homer's next line: "It's TRUE! We're SO lame!" Well-timed, and a big "Bulgaria" right back at you...)

And finally, our winner, which proves nothing about the overall battle, or who's actually winning (Men):



Moral? I'll tell you:
Sometimes a dick's convenient
Sometimes it isn't


Borne out of the larger Peeing-In-The-Sink Series (somehow I knew that would generate some heat), this haiku, the more I looked at it, stood proudly on its own as a stand-alone example of the whole difference between men & women. Symbolic and appropriate, it's definitely one of those "the more you think about it" great examples of poetry. Congratulations, good sir!

Thank you to all for another wonderful, brilliant installment this week, and I hope to contribute at least a bit this coming week, but we'll see how Internet-y Great Exuma Island is once I get there. If I don't appear, rest assured in the knowledge that I am face down in the sand, and they are prying my pina colada from my warm, dead, tan hands.


All of my love to you all - THON!!!

(I keep waiting for one week's champion to basically say, "You know what? We're fucking OUT of topics. We've covered absolutely EVERYTHING. Your topic this week? Zucchini. Have fun!" That's what it almost came to for me, then MrsX yelled at me about something. Probably drinking too much. And thus, the topic was born.)


JPX said...

Congrats, Octo! I look forward to the next topic (there can'tbe any left, right?). Stan, is that a shot of your kitchen sink? Do you live in a mansion?

Catfreeek said...

Congrats Octo! Great output from everyone this week. I was laughing like an idiot. Next weeks topic: topics we haven't covered. That should generate 3 or 4 haikus.

AC said...

congratulations octopunk!

stan, have a great vacation with mrsx!

Octopunk said...

Denkchoo! Denkchoo!

I must say, this is unexpected. But I'm pleased to discover the confession of the yucky blunder I described actually yielded some reward. Maybe next time I'll try to wedge into haiku form the story of my first night spent at a girlfriend's apartment, during which I clogged her toilet in the middle of the night and, when peering beneath her claw-foot bathtub, witnessed hairspray caps bobbing around in the two inches of water I'd unleashed on her bathroom floor. Maybe.

Meanwhile, regarding topics: oh ye of little faith! How many times have we laughed at those who ask "haven't you guys already watched all the horror movies?" Why, I would say the number of topics stretches well into the double digits. I already know what this Wednesday will bring.

I thought Cat would take it with the series about the hourly incursions on her sleep -- so great! And late that night I heard Julie crack up from the upstairs bedroom... I hoped it was due to my sink story but it was Johnny's "black people drive like this" stinger. Top notch.

So to Stan I say a hearty thankyou, and bon voyage. And since you're leaving on HHD itself and I wish you to miss nothing, here's the topic:

(I didn't want to cause hysteria above, but we are actually running out. So it's a combo of two more...specialized topics: Spaniards and calculus. Bonus if you work both into one poem!)

Uh... none of the rest of you were supposed to read that. Just forget it. Nothing to see here.

HandsomeStan said...

The Inquisition:
Find derivative of y!
No? The Comfy Chair!

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Well played Octo. I thought Catfreeek had this one in the bag with her “room smells of farts” shtick. The word “of” (as opposed to “like”) makes it slightly more dignified and exponentially funnier. Excellent write up as usual Stan.

I almost went with the Spanish American War as topic last week for the reasons you mentioned until board games hit me upside the head.

Whirlygirl said...

Congrats, Octo! Superb topic, Mr.Stan! I regret that I never had time to write. I had some many dancing in my head.

Good luck coming up with a topic for next week.