Thursday, October 25, 2007
Attack of the Giant Leeches
Something is going on in the local swamp. Late one night a poacher comes face-to-face with some unknown threat, a monster resembling a man wearing a burlap sack. After unloading his shotgun into this scary Hefty bag, he races back to the local bar where his story is met with howls of laughter. While this is unfolding Jabba-the-Hutt-like bar owner, Dave, is having problems of his own. His hot, tart wife, Liz, is becoming increasingly insolent due to her dissatisfaction with their marriage (see top picture). Unbeknownst to Dave Liz has been banging Dave’s partner, Cal. Later, in the only good scene in the film, Dave catches the two post-coitus in the swamp and chases them down with his shotgun. Cornering them, he orders them into the swamp with the intention of scaring the hell out of them. Before he finishes scaring them, however, the two are captured by giant pieces of Saran wrap. Nobody believes Dan’s story and sadly he hangs himself after being locked up. Poor bastard.
Enter the dreamy, “I play by the rules”, game warden, Steve Benton.
After additional mysterious casualties occur down by the swamp, the townsfolk plead with game warden, Steven Benton, to chuck some dynamite into the old mud hole to see what surfaces. Steven says nothingdoing, noting that he does not wish to harm the ecosystem that took years to develop. God forbid some paramecium get injured, huh Steve? Luckily one of the locals have the wherewithal to disobey the button-down warden and sets of a nice dynamite load smack dab in the middle of old swampy. Well whatdayaknow, several bodies surface and despite being in the swamp for several days they look like they only died hours earlier. Somehow figuring everything out in an instant, as they tend to do in these kinds of movies, Steve and pal decide to investigate with skin-diving equipment. After all, Dan’s tart wife might still be alive!
As Steve begins his descent into the murky swamp he is immediately attacked by one of the cellophane masses. Will Steve survive long enough to rescue the widow Hutt? Will he be able to exorcise the hideous lawn bags from the disgusting swamp? I’m not tellin’.
By pure coincidence this was directed by Leo Gordon, the same guy who directed Hot Rods to Hell, another crappy film I recently viewed. The only redeeming aspect of this film was the surprisingly (for it’s time) overt suggestion that Dan’s wife was having sex with his partner in the swamp and Dan’s somewhat cruel punishment (e.g., chasing them through the woods while firing his shotgun in the air repeatedly). In fact, the love triangle story makes for the most interesting scenes. The swamp setting was also pretty damn good and the sucking sounds the leeches make when draining their victims of blood was actually a bit disgusting. I’m just happy I finally got this film behind me. For years I’ve heard about and avoided it.