(2000) ***Kaboing! What's this? A Prophecy flick that makes the three-star cut? But how? Is this not the franchise that inspired the word "blandwich?"
Mind you, this just squeaks by, and it's not any kind of special movie. But it isn't as unforgivingly boring as the other two. The opening scene has a long-haired Walken popping into a "hallelujah" style tent revival hidden in a construction site. A young man preaches charismatically from the pulpit. Then his sermon takes an unusual turn, as he combines his true belief in God's existence with a message that God doesn't give a rat's ass about any of us. "Bad things happen to good people! Get used to it!" The congregation yells out "Get Used To It!" Pretty interesting, no? Then Brad Dourif, whose presence always ups the street cred of any movie, pulls out a gun and plugs the kid.
The kid is the "Nephalim," the angel-human hybrid whose conception was the plot of the loathsome second chapter. Gabriel is a good guy now; after enduring the punishment of being human for a few years he decides he likes humanity for the invention of hookers and cars. The kid's assassination doesn't take, since blind Brad Dourif couldn't get to the part where you cut out his heart. After that it's up to the bad angel who was stupid enough to hire a blind assassin in the first place: Zophael, the angel of incompetence and soap-opera good looks. Once the kid wakes up in the morgue he's on the run from this not-scary guy in a Matrix coat, and confirms his hunter's not-scariness by kicking his ass. Twice.
In the end it's up to the kid to drive out to the desert and mix it up with this Legolas-lookin' dude. This is an extension of the same wet noodle plotline as the first two movies, except they manage to actually keep up the pace this time and the dialogue was slightly better. Were this a stand-alone flick I probably would've rated it a two and a half, but by unpredictably keeping my interest it makes the three. I don't know if that counts as a recommendation, exactly...it's more of a "take it or leave it."
3 comments:
Can anyone think of a series of movies in which the third one was overwhelmingly better than the first two?
I don't mean if, say, Return of the King was your favorite LOTR movie. I mean numbers one and two were pretty bad but there was still money to squeeze out, and somehow some quality snuck in to the third. Anyone?
Godfather! No wait...
Bride of Chucky breathed life into a dead franchise but that was #4...
Hey at least combing through the Prophecy flicks didn't turn out to be a complete waste of time.
Friday the 13th III!
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