Jaws: The Revenge

(1987) **

"Why do sharks explode? This is because sometimes their brains and sexual organs are made out of M-80s. Sometimes to attract mates, a shark will explode. And sometimes they explode just to attract giant killer bees."

Space Ghost

Think that's stupid and grossly inaccurate? Well, as it turns out, the makers of Jaws: the Revenge went to the Space Ghost School of Marine Biology, Politics and Horses.

It's been years since I've seen any of the other Jaws films, but I remember being on the edge of my seat for the first three. It was the lack of information that did it. The shark would disappear for heart-stopping lengths of time and the rolling murk of the North Atlantic coast provided limitless opportunities for concealment.

Jaws: The Revenge chooses to immasculate that suspense by plugging a heart monitor into the shark. The higher the peaks on the monitor, the closer the shark. Sometimes. Sometimes the peaks stop completely. Then the shark shows up anyway. If we're to believe Jake (Mario van Peebles), the marine biologist who stuck the thing to him, the equipment is working fine even in these moments. But then what? Is the shark masking its heartbeat?

Perhaps it's clasping its fins over the device, blocking the transmission back to the sensor. What? Sharks can't clasp their fins? Guess what: sharks can't roar either and this one seems to be able to.

But that's not what makes this a really special shark. What makes this a really special shark is that it's psychic. No bullshit. At the climax of the movie, we see Ellen Brody (Lorraine Gary), - wife of the deceased Martin Brody and mother of the recently deceased Sean Brody - staring out across the Caribbean beset by images of her Sean screaming for help and of Martin grunting "smile you son of a bitch," before firing his rifle into the mouth of the beast. Of course, since she was there to see neither of these things happen, we are left to assume that these are the shark's memories, projected into Ellen's mind. Funny, I seem to recall that first shark getting blown up. So that "smile" memory doesn't even belong to the shark.

I've heard that the novelisation of Jaws: The Revenge fills this gap with the explanation that the shark is being manipulated by a voodoo magician with a grudge against the Brodys. No mention of it is made anywhere in the movie, but even if there were, was the voodoo magician there for either of the two deaths? I think I'd have remembered.

But these errors in logic are small potatoes next to the stunning lack of sense in the remaining moments of the film. Ellen uses the boat to ram the shark, spearing it in the midsection, inexplicably causing it to detonate. I guess it's this detonation that causes the boat to come completely apart, although this isn't shown either. We get a flicker of the shark suspended unnaturally above the water before it explodes, then some splashing water. The next establishing shot, the boat is in pieces. My guess is the filmmakers lacked the funds to put in a real climax. This supposition is borne out by the shots of the shark sinking, headless into the Caribbean -- shots that were swiped wholesale from the end of the first film.

Jaws: The Revenge is stuffed with absurdity. It's that much more miserable for attempting to legitimize itself with material from its superior predecessors.