The Hitcher (remake)

(2007) **

Jim and Grace are on a road trip to meet their buddies for spring break. You know Jim and Grace; they’re horror-movie-cinematic-every-couple, bickering over stupidness and as bland as a sauce-only pizza. After swerving to miss a man on the highway during a nighttime rainstorm, Grace begs Jim to keep driving rather than stop to talk to the extremely creepy man. Later, at a rest stop they run into the creepy man, John Rider, once again and Jim reluctantly agrees to give him a ride after being put on the spot. None too happy about this Grace remains silent as the trio resumes their road trip. It only takes about 2 minutes before they realize that John is a sociopath. Gaining the upper hand they shove John out of the car. This should be the end of their difficulties and would be if every instinct they had were not completely wrong. John continues to find and torture the bickering lovers and, in return, they continue to gain the upper hand and escape. This cat and mouse chase continues with an increasing body count until an abrupt ending.

Grace gains the upper hand…again, but for how long?

While no masterpiece, the original 1986 version of The Hitcher, which had Rutger Hauer terrorizing C. Thomas Howell and Jennifer Jason Leigh, was a fun, dirty little movie. Like recent remakes of When a Stranger Calls and Black Christmas, there is no reason for this new version to exist, nor was anyone clamoring for it. Although it begins marginally promising, it quickly becomes one of those stupid films where the protagonists have ample opportunity to get out of their plight yet repeatedly do the opposite of common sense. I mean, even a hillbilly would know not to pull your car over after getting away from the hitcher only to stop shortly later to sleep in your car for the night (?). There is not a single scare in The Hitcher. Underdeveloped characters that make stupid choices will leave you yelling at the movie screen in disgust. The antagonist never reveals any motivation for his sociopathic actions beyond, “Because I have to”. By time it ends you will be annoyed for wasting 71 minutes of your life. Awful.

Yeah, you get the ‘famous’ truck torture scene, but by time you get to it, you won’t care.