Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Ghoulies IV

(1993) *



Ouch. Why was this movie made? How was this movie made? It’s difficult to convey just how unspeakably awful this installment really is. But if there’s one thing I know for sure in this crazy old world it’s that Ghoulies 4 sucks. It really, really, really sucks.

A buxom blonde in black leather runs around humming Chinese stars at security guards. She finds a jewel, draws up a chalk pentagram and conjures up an evil spirit named Faust. As an accidental byproduct, two Ghoulies also pop out of the pentagram. But these aren’t the puppets from the previous films that we’ve grown to know and tolerate. These are jive talking, wise cracking midgets that like to talk to the camera.

Presumably Green Fetus and the gang read the script and wanted no part of it. But they did manage to get Jonathan from the first movie. He plays a cop who refuses to play by the rules. Faust needs human sacrifices to stay alive in the real world and he’s also looking for another jewel. The Ghoulies show up every 15 minutes or so to say something unfunny then go back to doing whatever it is that they do. Jonathan has a Kun Fu fight with a Chinese guy in a bathrobe named Bongo. The Ghoulies say goodbye to the camera and allude to a sequel called Ghoulies 4 Part 2. I don’t think anyone is holding their breath for that one.

I was stunned that Ghoulies 3 was overflowing with gratuitous T & A for a PG-13 rated movie. Conversely, I am baffled as to how Ghoulies 4 earned its R rating. There is precious little blood, no profanity and the only nudity to be found is a brief shot of Jonathan’s rear end. BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

4 comments:

AC said...

your defense of the positive qualities of "Plan 9" is making more sense in this context....

JPX said...

You poor bastard! You get a lot of credit for tackling the Ghoulies series this year. You're the Marc of Horrorthon 2007!

Whirlygirl said...

These Ghoulies movies kill me! JSP, your reviews are hysterical! I was in the middle of reading this when the movers told me they were ready to go. Of course, I pulled myslef away from my computer, which is currently sitting on my floor, but in my head I was screaming, "what the hell, I'm reading the Ghoulies IV review go away damnit!" I thought they only made two Ghoulies flms. How many are there? I think I have to watch them next year.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Part IV was the last thankfully. I really wouldn't recommend these though unless you enjoy suffering. Part 2 is the most watchable. Part 3 is worthy only because it's such a complete train wreck.