After my critically acclaimed KISS haiku Facebook status update, JPX came up with the brilliant idea of Haiku Hump Day. The rules: Every Wednesday anyone who feels like it composes a haiku (or 2) about the subject of the week. Be as imaginative or completely retarded as you feel is necessary. A rotating judge will choose the best based on his/her whim. The winner gets street cred for having composed the best haiku and as a reward gets to judge next week's competition. Who's with me? Let's bring it in... WhhhhoooooAAAHHH-Haiku-Hump-Day! (God I hope this isn't an utter failure. How embarrassing would that be?)
So the first topic is Star Wars.
Godspeed.
"I'm an asshole."
55 comments:
So the first week everyone involved gets to vote for their favorite? Let's begin, shall we?
He doesn't get it
There's more to life than dirt farms
Fuck uncle Owen
Oh, Star Wars figures
You have returned to my life
Merry Christmas, Jake
Her name was Leia
damn, she kissed her twin brother
he liked it a lot
Tiny little bears
Your short size was an asset
I hate the Ewoks
Contract Labor works
Personal politics no mind
- Death star blowing up
Sand on planet swirls
Beautiful bun haired princess
- Licking fat bastard
inconsolable.
"star wars holiday special"
deprived of airplay.
Don't lie to Vader
It will cause you grief
And a broken neck
Uncle Owen, why?
You joyless little petty man
I'll be at Jabba's
I'm in a bad mood
Bored in bed with Aunt Beru
Take it out on Luke
Johnny is hostile
Hating Uncle Owen so
He should seek Yoda
But you'll freeze out there
Then we will see you in hell
This Taun Taun smells bad
Admiral Ozzel
Very clumsy and stupid
Too close to Hoth, jerk
Open the blast doors!
Running in plastic armor
We fall through doorways
He has a jet pack
The Sarlacc Pit is quite deep
Totally flew out
Mace Windu Mugs
Fits like snow in summer time
- Bad Mutha F#$%er
Fett should not have died
After all, Jar Jar still lives
Lucas is a jerk
Biggs was Luke's hero
He made it off Tatooine
His cape was stupid
Hilarious! Great effort all around. Handsome Stan's Sarlaac Pit bit had me in tears. It helps if you picture yourself reading it in a pretentious beatnik coffee shop with a deadpan look on your face.
JPX - the second line of your Vader haiku only has 5 syllables. :(
Supervisor please
You don't serve our kind in here?
No shit - droids don't drink!
Ooh! Ooh! I'm in this! Let's see...
Helmet off, food here
What? Docking Bay Ninety-Four?
He never got lunch
He didn't like Luke
Luke apologized for this
Poor, dumb, Walrus-man
Kenobi sighs, looks
Calendar says Luke is five
Holy crap I'm bored
Womp rat, terrified
Zap! Guts explode, dies twitching
Freakin' farmboy punks
New guy, new Death Star
Great desk with reactor view
Hey, what the hell's that?
Han in Carbonite
The only figure Jeff lacks
Why not just buy it?
Perhaps to make things easier someone who hasn't submitted one yet can pick this week's winner. Whirlygirl, Landshark, Julie or 50 Page?
Or we could multivote? Everyone can vote on as many as they want, tally say the top 3 then we all vote on our favorite 1 or 2? Or we can just let the first multivote determine if there is a winner. Just an idea.
Oh and I meant to ask Johnny, hows the first dude you put a pic of is an idiot? I was never into star wars that much so I probably missed the boneheadedness?
"I was never into star wars that much"
How did we allow this guy on the blog?
You have great wisdom
You live in a fucking swamp
Kind of a bummer
He sits on a log
He lifts my ship in the air
And he ate my food
[My vote is for JPX's last entry - hilarious!]
I mean, frankly, this has ALL been brilliant. "Great desk with a reactor view." My god, that's priceless. This is like trying to chose among your children - my love is spread equally among all...
I would personally just vote for JSP for launching us on this brilliant, brilliant path...
Oh, that Hammerhead
Laughing in the Cantina
Greedo got shot first
Come to think of it, Octo's one about the womprat is my NEW favorite - I can't wait for next Wednesday! Can KISS or The Simpsons be the topic???
Okay, I'm sorry to bombard the blog with comment after comment, but Octo's body of work is the strongest. Obi-Wan looking at a calendar? Absolute. Genius.
(I realize I've changed my vote four times already, but it's just TOO much brilliance to sift through! It's all gold!)
I agree, this has been a totally fun Horrorthon time-waster!
KISS? Unfortunately only you, JSP, and I would be able to play.
You wear the make-up
But you are no Ace Frehley
Screw you, fake Space Ace
Your pants are so tight.
And you're such a sass mouth, too.
I love Han Solo.
Okay, the thing that is really lifting my spirits and making me feel a sense of joy and hope for humankind is that all of you actually know what a haiku is. How is it that on this blog no one needed an explanation of the syllabic breakdown?
Crap, my folks are burnt.
Beru, Owen, skeletons.
Man that is so gross.
The fat guy flying.
Why is his name Porkins, yo?
That don't seem quite fair.
Octo says that yo
is what is not quite fair, yo.
To fill out haiku.
Yo.
Back to Solo's pants,
They were just so very tight.
So, so, so, so tight.
Here on Alderan
Life is mellow. It's all good.
Today seems like an--
Another blue shake.
Beru cannot cook for shit.
But she can get cooked.
Nice additions, Julie!
I think I want to move in with Octo & Julie.
We're all winners but we need to pick a real winner! I think I have to vote for Octopunk's calendar haiku because it gets funnier the more you think about it. Obi Wan seemed bored and irritated half the time when Luke was talking, you can only imagine what the days spent in solitude were like. My second choice would be Handsome Stan's Sarlaac Pit romp because it's a great example of a super nerd unwilling to accept the death of a cult character.
Nowandzen - I was being a bit hard on Uncle Owen. You'll recall he was the one who refused to let Luke go to the academy because he needed help with harvest season. What the hell does one harvest on Tattooine anyway? They live in a fucking desert! More sand?
Ahem.
New vaporators
I hope these ones speak bocce
Harvest that moisture
Is Boba Fett dead?
I suppose he could have lived..
What about the belch?
Don't get cocky, kid
Han liked to say stuff like that
Of course girls liked him
Totally random tardy entry from someone you totally don't know (but nowandzen does).
Ah, the 70s!
High sheen lipgloss, flat ironed hair
Death Star fashion rocked!
Haikus, I love them
Productive day? I think not.
Love haikus, I do.
And that was me channeling my inner-Yoda.
I love me some Haikus. here is my ultimate fave from a little book I have - Haiku U.
Name the great work of literature boiled down to this haiku:
Snow-drops hang like tears.
Shy, sweet saintly Beth has died.
One down, three to go.
I'm going to go out on a limb and guess the Virgin Suicides? (I was listening to the Air soundtrack this morning!)
Thanks for playing lolly! Nice entry.
JPX said: ""I was never into star wars that much"
How did we allow this guy on the blog?"
Ouch. I liked it ok and all but when it came out I was more captured by Close Encounters and I was reading Alien and Lord of the Rings. Doesn't that count for anything at all for a kid who was 11 years old? I liked the realism of Close Encounters I guess, I think I saw it 6x at the theater.
Johnny, thanks for the explanation of the pic, I get it now.
I liked all the contributions, my favorite I think was Stans
"He has a jet pack
The Sarlacc Pit is quite deep
Totally flew out"
It seemed to really have that cut line which is usually the 3rd line in Haiku that set it off so well besides being damn funny.
Did anyone get my Clerks reference from my first attempt or my Pulp Fiction reference in my second? Probably too easy but just curious.
Ok so I was way off. None of the girls are named Beth and I don't think that's considered a great piece of literature anyway...
I got Clerks, but Pulp escaped me. And thanks for the vote!
However, upon further rereading, Julie's Alderaan one gets funnier and funnier.
I just don't know. Everybody wins!
Little Women!
Of course, "one down, three to go" didn't happen in the book, but you sure wanted it to! Those girls were a bunch of compliant sniveling bloomer wearing submissives.
Except for Amy. Lemon-stealing, boyfriend-stealing Amy. Now that's my kind of literary character!
Look at those women
Why are they all so damn short?
Call them all Little.
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