Embryo

(1976)**

“"The film you are about to see is not all science fiction. It is based upon medical technology, which currently exists for fetal growth outside the womb. It could be a possibility tomorrow…or today."
- Charles R. Brinkmen III, M.D.

Rock Hudson is Dr. Paul Holliston an embryologist who is working on cutting-edge embryonic research. Accidentally hitting a dog while driving in a rainstorm, Holliston brings the injured Doberman home, where he has a large lab. We learn that Paul used to excel in research but lost his passion after the death of his wife. The dog dies, but not before Holliston removes the fetuses from her womb. When the fetuses begin dying Holliston uses an experimental growth hormone, which he had been working on prior to his wife’s death. The hormone works fantastically. In fact, after only a few days the fetus becomes a full grown Doberman with the unusual side effect of super intelligence. Excited by the implications Holliston acquires an unwanted human infant through some shady doings.

After more time in the lab playing with test tubes and such, voila, Victoria (“Victory”, get it?) is born and becomes a hot chick after a few days. Holliston wisely ceases the treatment when she’s hot enough – I mean, he doesn’t want to overdo it and create an old bag. Like the Doberman, Victoria is super-smart and appears to be perfect in every way. Unfortunately there’s a problem with Holliston’s growth hormone; it apparently creates sociopathy. In the only good scene in the movie the Doberman, acting all friendly to Holliston, hears a yipping little dog in the background. When Holliston goes into the house for a moment the Doberman calmly walks up to the little dog, regards him with apathy, and in one fell swoop picks the dog up, shakes the hell out of it until it dies, and hides it behind a bush (of course it looked like the Doberman was shaking a pillow but it was still effective/hilarious). Holliston then returns and the two go for a car ride. This, of course, foreshadows things to come with Victoria.

Watch out ex-sister-in-law, Victoria is pissed

Okay, this might all sound mildly interesting/watchable, but I’m making it sound much better than it actually is. Truth be known, Rock Hudson gives us endless, ENDLESS narration about everything occurring to the point where I wanted to put my genitals into a blender. Barely anything of interest happens in this film. You know you’re in trouble when one of the only highlights of a movie involves Roddy McDowall and a chess match.