Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Haiku Hump Day: Star Trek: The Original Series





Boy am I excited about this one. Star Trek: TOS will always hold a very special place in my heart, since it provided one of the cornerstones of my personal nerdliness. I might have been around 10 years old when one of my mom’s friends, hearing I was a “Trekkie,” asked me if I knew what the T. in “James T. Kirk” stood for. Hell yeah I knew the answer, and hopefully some of you do too. For those who don’t, get your wiki on

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Trek_TOS

and start cranking out haikus! I already know the decision is gonna be super tough, but I relish the challenge. FYI funny is great but serious and/or clever can win too.

Request: could someone with Jordan’s email address let him know what we’re up to today? Even if he doesn’t want to participate he might enjoy reading the haikus since he’s such a TOS fan.

85 comments:

Catfreeek said...

Brought up on Star Trek
Damn right I know the answer
It's Tiberius

Catfreeek said...

Bonk, bonk on the head
The children, so misguided
Screw those little brats

Catfreeek said...

Screwing a green chick
Shatner was so hot back then
Not Denny Crane, eew.

JPX said...

Spock's not a bad guy
Sure he seems serious, but
I saw him smile once

JPX said...

The Horta scared me
A large, slowly moving mass
I now know its fake

Catfreeek said...

Stopped by Balok's cube
Mysterious floating head?
Nah, a creepy kid

JPX said...

Kirk's a bad leader
Always unprofessional
Screwing space women

Catfreeek said...

You ever notice
Whenever Kirk was fighting
Shirt ripped in same spot

Catfreeek said...

I always did think
that Bones looked like a Sleestack
from Land of the Lost

JPX said...

First day on the job
I was given a red shirt
Decided to quit

Catfreeek said...

Ensign what's his face
Sent with the landing party
Sacrificial lamb

Catfreeek said...

Captain Pike was fucked
Speaking out in flashing lights
How did he go pee?

JPX said...

Kirk is amazing
He managed to kill the Gorn
MacGyver style

miko564 said...

Holy crap, not only do I have to come up with ST Haiku against this group, but Catfreek already dropped a Land of the Lost reference...sigh.

JPX said...

The decor was bleak
The Bridge looked uncomfortable
Why no seat cushions?

miko564 said...

Tribbles on your head
How did this happen? Puff Balls,
These are your co-stars

JPX said...

What's the deal with Bones?
Always so condescending
I would have smacked him

miko564 said...

Spock, Kirk, Bones, and Me
My name is Ensign Cooper.
I think I am dead

miko564 said...

The final frontier?
How 'bout the sea floor?
That is still unexplored

miko564 said...

Star Wars and Star Trek
Do not forget which is which
Geeks get very mad

desroc2 said...

Dammit Bones
Space no place
For Country Doctor
Miracle

desroc2 said...

Alcoholic Scotty
Beam me sideways
Scattered in space

desroc2 said...

Sulu has eyes
only for you
Jim

AC said...

loving these... but where's the west coast?

Landshark said...

Is it me, or does Rick need help with his scansion?

Landshark said...

"You must be thirty
Have you ever kissed a girl?
I mean, get a life"

Landshark said...

Spock is freaking out
Tossing the soup from the nurse.
It's booty call time!

Landshark said...

Kirrrrkkkkk
Khannnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Kirrrrkkkkk

Landshark said...

When I see Nimoy
I no longer see Spock. I
think "Bilbo Baggins"

Catfreeek said...

Spock, emotionless
Scotty and Bones way too old
Kirk was ladies choice

Catfreeek said...

Oh my sweet Chekov
So young and naive was he
ignorant hottie

Catfreeek said...

Sexy and ready
Naked in Kirk's bed waiting
Surprise! It's Sulu

Catfreeek said...

I always wondered
How drunk I'd get ingesting
some Romulan ale

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Mirror Spock's the man
He may be an evil prick
But the goatee works

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Kirk Vs. The Gorn
Giant fearless lizard man
Never stood a chance

Johnny Sweatpants said...

"Pass the salt" you say?
I'm a doctor, not a chef
Get it your damn self

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Uhura's a fox
First sexy bellybutton
EVER on TV

50PageMcGee said...

having never really watched any of the original series except in bits and pieces while channel surfing, i'm at a bit of a loss. i may get nerd-rushed for that admission. but here goes.

those lights on the bridge.
flashing and beeping. what for?
not a goddamn thing.

JPX said...

"It will be fixed soon"
Scotty always lied to Kirk
He was just lazy

JPX said...

I hated her hair
Janice Rand was a loser
Why did Charles like her?

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Spock is my hero
But the haircut - just... awful.
Redefined the nerd

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Terrible haircut!
Subject deserves two haikus
You call that logic?

Octopunk said...

Ship spinning towards death
Scotty has just two minutes
Right after this scotch

Killing more planets
All hate the doomsday machine
But it's all I know

(and another one because I love the Doomsday Machine)

Sideways ice cream cone
Not sugar but space granite
Flavor? Fiery death

He's dead Jim, he's dead
Jim, he's dead Jim, he's dead Jim,
He's dead Jim, he's dead

(I looked up "towards," it's just one syllable)

Great topic, AC!

AC said...

yay, the west coasties are weighing in! so much trekky goodness.

thanks octo. certainly i myself am in nerd heaven at the moment.

i'll have to pick the winnah tomorrow morning once my head is clear and sufficiently caffeine-fueled.

JPX said...

AC, write some haikus!

Catfreeek said...

Shields are down again
Ship too weak to reach warp speed
Scotty, what the fuck?

Ship's overloaded
She karn't teak metch morrre Kaptain
Damn dilithium crystals

Catfreeek said...

Hmmmmm....wrong count.
This is better?

She karn't teak metch morrre
Damn dilithium crystals
Final frontier, ha!

Spock's hair was sexy
that's highly illogical
but the ears were hot

Bones never got laid
Not really so surprising
I think he liked Jim

AC said...

haikus? not today.
dammit, jeff, i'm a doctor,
not a *@#&* poet!

nowandzen said...

Creature unlike us
Devoid of emotion lives
More human than us?

JPX said...

Spock is half human
Which means that he's half a jerk
But which half is it?

JPX said...

The Vulcan greeting
Some have trouble doing it
I call them wusses

HandsomeStan said...

Live long and prosper
To insult a Vulcan, say
"Die quick while flat broke."

HandsomeStan said...

There wasn't much noise
On the ship for the most part
The doors say "Shh. Shh."

HandsomeStan said...

IV was the best one
Followed close by II and VI
Fuck I, III, and V

HandsomeStan said...

Uhura's bedroom
The final frontier for Kirk
Dammit, Jim! Why? WHY?

HandsomeStan said...

Kirk vs. Picard
What a silly argument
Chuck Norris would win

JPX said...

Handsomestan you're wrong
Star Trek VI is the best film
All are good but V

HandsomeStan said...

Always uncertain
Is the film hierarchy
V was horrible

Whales and time travel
Not typical Star Trek fare
But I dug it, man

JPX said...

Whales were a weird choice
But time travel is common
In Trek universe

HandsomeStan said...

It's accessible
To the general public
Everyone loves whales

HandsomeStan said...

Set phasers to stun
Did they ever set to Kill?
More carnage needed

HandsomeStan said...

Tight Captain Kirk shirts
No wonder AC picked this
It all makes sense now

nowandzen said...

lol @ HandsomeStan said...

IV was the best one
Followed close by II and VI
Fuck I, III, and V

Nice one.



Kirk sits captain seat
Final frontier viewed from it
Ultimate big screen


Thoughts through membrane flow
Vulcan hand reaches... taking
Sulu smiles, Spock freaks!

HandsomeStan said...

Enterprise versus
The Millennium Falcon
Han Solo is dust

JPX said...

Kirk's cadence was weird
All that starting and stopping
Early Parkinson's

HandsomeStan said...

But it's...ex-cell...ent!
Shatner as Montgomery Burns
Absolute genius

Catfreeek said...

Hahahahaa Nowandzen
"Sulu smiles, Spock freaks!"
I think I just peed myself

HandsomeStan said...

I must offer my hearty endorsement of nowandzen's "Sulu smiles, Spock freaks."

It's got everything a haiku should be. Brilliant!

I, Roddenberry
Will create a geeky world
Which you can't escape

AC said...

so many great entries!!!

i am writing the winnah here so as not to post over whirlygirl's birthday.

the five runnners-up:

Johnny Sweatpants
Mirror Spock's the man
He may be an evil prick
But the goatee works

Landshark
Spock is freaking out
Tossing the soup from the nurse.
It's booty call time!

JPX
First day on the job
I was given a red shirt
Decided to quit

Catfreeek
I always did think
that Bones looked like a Sleestack
from Land of the Lost

HandsomeStan
Live long and prosper
To insult a Vulcan, say
"Die quick while flat broke."

plus i loved the haiku debate about the respective merits of the movies.

and the winnah:

nowandzen wins the star trek:tos haiku hump day contest!

Thoughts through membrane flow
Vulcan hand reaches... taking
Sulu smiles, Spock freaks!

congratulations nowandzen... and have fun next week picking your topic! :)

nowandzen said...

Hey, that's awesome. Thank you very much AC. I was pretty happy with that one too but as always there were some really good ones. Regardless of who wins each week it's fun to see all the creativity and fun.

Please bear with me as I must mention some of my favorites from yesterday. I liked all the runners up that AC mentioned.

Some of my favorites were:

Desroc2 was using the non-traditional haiku form which is very popular too. It didn't match the classic 5-7-5 we're adhering to but I thought the spirit of haiku was captured in these.

desroc2 said...

Alcoholic Scotty
Beam me sideways
Scattered in space

desroc2 said...

Sulu has eyes
only for you
Jim

Nice ones.

--------

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Mirror Spock's the man
He may be an evil prick
But the goatee works

and

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Terrible haircut!
Subject deserves two haikus
You call that logic?

Very funny.

--------

Octopunks use of the form and creativity in these were awesome.

Octopunk said...

Ship spinning towards death
Scotty has just two minutes
Right after this scotch

Killing more planets
All hate the doomsday machine
But it's all I know

(and another one because I love the Doomsday Machine)

Sideways ice cream cone
Not sugar but space granite
Flavor? Fiery death

He's dead Jim, he's dead
Jim, he's dead Jim, he's dead Jim,
He's dead Jim, he's dead

--------

Cat you cracked me up with this.

Catfreeek said...

Shields are down again
Ship too weak to reach warp speed
Scotty, what the fuck?

--------

AC said...

haikus? not today.
dammit, jeff, i'm a doctor,
not a *@#&* poet!

That kicked ass.

--------

HandsomeStan said...

There wasn't much noise
On the ship for the most part
The doors say "Shh. Shh."


IV was the best one
Followed close by II and VI
Fuck I, III, and V

I don't know why but that second one killed me.

--------

JPX said...

Kirk's cadence was weird
All that starting and stopping
Early Parkinson's

I was trying to come up with something on the classic Kirk cadence and couldn't off the cuff. I'm glad you got that in and it was good.

Thanks again and I will try to come up with something fun for next weeks midweek fun.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Congrats Nowandzen! It was a long time coming. While most of us (or is it just me?) rely on insults and penis jokes, you always strive for more.

Great topic AC!

Catfreeek said...

Yeah great topic AC and congrats Nowandzen, that haiku was so deserving of the win

Dana's Brain said...

Congrats Nowandzen! Sorry I missed this one. You guys had me in stitches!

AC said...

damn, johnny is right!
no straight-out penis haikus
except for this one.




(heh heh, i said "straight-out penis")

nowandzen said...

Thank you Johnny, Cat, Dana and AC. I'll look forward to next weeks with you all.

nowandzen said...

Absent, no "nice job"
From JPX, curious
Something I said? Damn....


:D

JPX said...

Nice job Nowandzen!
Too many patients this week
Limited blog time

nowandzen said...

Approbation here
Smiles within, honest to blog!
Rest now JPX

JPX said...

Next patient arrived
But I have to pee badly
The patient can wait

nowandzen said...

lol

Landshark said...

Congrats, nowandzen. Bound to happen!

I'm guessing that next week's topic rhymes with Tirefly!

AC said...

ooh i hope it does!!!!

nowandzen said...

Landshark and AC I actually gave that a thought but then I thought maybe it was too narrow? If horrorthoners are all Firefly fans I would love to do it but I want to has something that everyone knows fairly well and can sink their teeth into.

HandsomeStan said...

Steak?

Congrats, nowandzen, and thank you and AC for the honorable mention...um...mentions.

For the record, I know I SHOULD know Firefly, but I don't. That and Venture Bros are two shows I get a ton of shit for never having seen.

But I'd be willing to learn!

JPX said...

I've never seen Firefly.