Come on admit it, the comics page is the first place you go when you’re in possession of a newspaper. Swine Flu? Fires? Floods? George Bush does something stupid? Meh. What I want to know is what’s going on with all my friends on the funny pages.
The Providence Journal has the worst comic strips. When I was a kid my grandparents in Connecticut would save me the Sunday funnies and whenever we visited I had a nice pile to go through. It was only in the Harford Chronicle (or whatever it was called) that I could catch up on the Star Wars strip (yes, there was a fucking Star Wars strip!) and the timeless gang from Archie comics.
Most people make New Year’s resolutions pertaining to something they would like to change about their lives. Many choose to lose weight, as evidenced by all the fatties in my gym, and others opt to give up bad habits. In 2004 I made a very important decision that I have stuck with to this day. I made a resolution that I would follow the adventures of Rex Morgan, M.D. and The Amazing Spider-Man comic strips daily. For most of my life I have glossed over the “serious”, continuing story comic strips, but a part of me always wondered what it would be like to actually follow a story all the way through. Five years later I can tell you the answer to that question; it’s not very satisfying, not at all. Both move at a glacial pace and there is a lot of redundancy throughout the week. The Sunday strips are a complete waste as they are designed for people who might only follow the stories on Sundays so what you’re left with is a basic recap of the week.
My favorite strip of all time is, of course, Peanuts. While it looks like a kid strip, it’s really Schulz’s autobiography and it’s full of worry and despair. The man himself was a miserable human being who disliked children and suffered from chronic anxiety and depression. Here’s the last one Schulz wrote, dictated from his sick bed. It came out on the same day he died,
What’s most striking about the daily comics is how bad most of them are. JSP and I were discussing this issue the other night and we both observed that the longest running strips are the least funny. I mean, how do strips like Cathy, Blondie, Hagar the Horrible, and Family Circus still exist, and who laughs at those? Don’t believe me? Here’s today’s Family Circus,
The comic strip is a rich area to be mined. There are just so many questions! For example, have you ever noticed that Cathy sweats like a pig in nearly ever strip? Why? Does she have hyperhydrosis?
And have you ever noticed that every Garfield strip is exactly the same?
One of the craziest patients I ever worked with was a compulsive hoarder who had 20 years worth of newspapers stored in his house from floor to ceiling. When I asked him why he kept them he said, "I Don't want to throw them away until I read all the Marmaduke's." 'Nuff said.
Man I miss The Far Side,
My new favorite is a strip called "Bliss", it’s incredibly sarcastic. They tried it in the Providence Journal but of course nobody liked it and instead the idiots in Rhode Island chose some unfunny strip about frogs.
So enjoy the topic, folks. I look forward to reading your comic strip musings!
First rule of Horrorthon is: watch horror movies. Second rule of Horrorthon is: write about it. Warn us. Tempt us. The one who watches the most movies in 31 days wins. There is no prize.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Salem's Lot 1979 and Salem's Lot 2024
Happy Halloween everybody! Julie's working late and the boy doesn't have school tomorrow so he's heading to one of those crazy f...
-
(2007) * First of all let me say that as far as I could tell there are absolutely no dead teenagers in this entire film. Every year just ...
49 comments:
'member Better Half?
That couple, always fighting
They should have divorced
What's with Andy Capp?
His wife an abusive bitch
No wonder he drank
Ashamed to admit
I hated some comic cats
Garfield & Heathcliff
Dennis the Menace
Always bothering Wilson
I would've killed him
The Family Circus
Not everything is "precious"
Most are annoying
For Better For Worse
Ugly and boring people
A biography?
Read Prince Valiant?
I've never finished one strip
I'd rather drink piss
I'm a stupid dog
And I've never been funny
Marmaduke's the name
I don't get Hagar
His wife looks like a Buick
The best he could do?
Doonesbury's too dense
I know I should like this strip
Exhausting to read
I sure hate Mondays
But I love my lasagna!
Lobotomize me
For Better or Worse?
I'll have to go with "for worse"
Trite, useless drivel
nothing beats far side.
the snake with the "pegbody"?
funniest ever!
i don't even read
the sunday "funnies" these days.
why? they're not funny.
cathy: negative
stereotypes of women.
what's worse: not funny.
you know i love cats
but garfield is obnoxious.
worse still: not funny.
Oh no, could it be
My haiku topic is bad
Where is everyone?
Anyone who finds
Humor in Family Circus
Should be burned alive
Nah, this is a great topic! It's just that no one's contributing because they suck.
Handsome Stan's a jerk
He disappeared suddenly
And he's not handsome
Miko where's the beef?
Can't be bothered to compose
one measly haiku?
I hate Andy Capp
I hate reading the accent
Speak like me, damn it!
Close to Home just sucks
It's a wantabe Far Side
Without the humor
Never been as good
Since Calvin and Hobbes ended
Yes, Hobbes IS alive
Elephant, phone booth
His leg's now a wastebasket
Who's he talking to?
Family Suck-Ass
Lame invisible "Not Me"
Call the Ghostbusters
I love Peanuts, but
Chuck's relentless misery
Equals Columbine
My favorite cat
he resides in Bloom County
Yeah, I love ole Bill
Poor little Opus
He's always losing his ass
the tape never held
Far Side is all gone
Bloom County flew away too
All the good ones leave
One good comic left
I enjoy Non Sequitur
still won't buy paper
I know I'm old but
Anyone else remember,
Zippy the Pinhead?
ProJo horrible
Each strip written by machine
I see dead comics
Comic strip world died
With The Far Side retiring
Now, unchecked dumbness
(I feel SO badly about missing the last 2 weeks. I'll try to make up for it here. And JSP, I heard that...)
If I get injured
Don't send Rex Morgan my way
I'll die of boredom
Don't get Mary Worth
What does she do, anyway?
Make her a stripper
Family needs midget,
Monkeys, and bearded lady
To be a "Circus"
That "Red and Rover" -
It ain't the 50s, douchebag
Get with the future
Ugh, Family Circus
been doing the same old shit
for past 50 years
One thing puzzles me
Just how did Dagwood Bumstead
land babe like Blondie
and Prince Valiant
what a total fag he is
with a bowl haircut
Where did Ziggy go?
I always liked his cute dog
the comic was dumb
Remember Love is?
it was two naked children
who's idea was that
Dennis The Menace
Show sucked, strip sucks, the kid sucks
Who's really a fan?
I've never liked dogs -
Smelly beasts. My worst nightmare?
Owning Marmaduke
Thought, Mr.Wilson
Murders and buries Dennis
then Ruff digs him up
Don't forget Dilbert!
Actually... forget Dilbert
Steaming pile o'suck
Welcome back Handsome Stan! I take back all the mean things I said about you. Hilarious entries from everyonge thus far!
Dull braindead humor
That Hagar the Horrible
He was aptly named
Not done with this one -
B.C was more relevant
Than Red and Rover
Stupid charming dog
Oh, the kid can hear your thoughts?
Makes me want to puke
The Wizard of Id
I just know nothing about
The Wizard of Id
Funky Winkerbean -
Also hazy. Bunch of teens -
An Archie ripoff?
Sexually harassed
It was Miss Buxley's own fault
Always looking hot
peanuts strip we all
wanted: patty and marcie
finally come out.
doonesbury very
cerebral, must have market:
folks smarter than me.
popeye started as
a minor character in
'20s comic strip.
anyone else read
asterix and obelix?
french, but still funny.
I did like B.C.
no one wanted to buy wheel
and the clams had feet
My personal quest
find the guy who writes Dilbert
kick him in the nuts
New England's Bousquet
Guess we're supposed to be proud
not so embarrassed
I just don't get it
I mean, enough about clams
unless they have feet
Sunday funnies had
Beakman and Jax science stuff
told me why poop's brown
Let's make a comic
Like Snoopy but with no funny
call it "Fred Basset"
The perfect endings,
Jon runs over fat Garfield
He claims accident
Cathy's husband leaves
Cites too much fucking drama
Concludes life's too short
Wilson brains Dennis
He gets life without parole
Claims it was worth it
Not Me reveals self
The kids were right, he is real
He burns down the house
Marmaduke, rabid
Terrorizes the neighbors
He's quickly put down
Andy Capp found dead
Apparently choked on puke
Dies with a smile
Dagwood gets fired
He comes home early in shock
Finds wife with mailman
Morgan makes mistake
Patient dies horrible death
Loses his license
Mary Worth found dead
Collapsed near the telephone
Learns that gossip kills
Poor Beetle Baily
He's killed by friendly fire
A mistake, really?
The Cathy Dialogue Formula:
Panel one: blah blah
Panel three: blah blah blah blah!
Panel four: blah blah
Where'd we be without
Hi & Lois and Foxtrot?
Yup - nowhere different
Bunch of talking birds
Living and working in trees
Title? Well - duh!..."Shoe"
What was Mark Trail's deal?
A "comic" about "nature?"
Nothing comic there
If a bear ate Trail
Then we'd be on to something
"Anyone seen Mark?"
If you read Cathy
Only read first and last cell
The rest are filler
DilBERT, DilBERT, Dil-
Oops. Ran out of syllables.
Likes me some Dilbert.
I just can't help it,
Who doesn't love sarcastic
dogs? No one, that's who.
Oops, I take that back.
JSP and Freeek hate him,
Cover the nads, Dude!
Oh, Gary Larson!
I weep for missing your words.
Talking insects rule!
Best Larson ever:
PreHistory of Far Side
Gets inside his head.
Get good ones from Jeff
Knows my bedtime habit
Comics until sleep
He turned me on to
Foxtrot and Citizen Dog
Laugh out loud moments.
Wanna know the truth?
When I do read the comics,
Good/Bad - I read them.
I don't know if I first heard of this here or elsewhere, but it's absolutely hilarious. Someone figured out that if you simply take out Garfield's dialogue, the strip becomes unintentionally hilarious. Check it out:
http://www.truthandbeautybombs.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=4997&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0
And this is just as good:
http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/
Nancy and Sluggo
Two VERY ugly children
I can't sympathize
L'il Orphan Annie
Someday Daddy Warbucks might
Buy her some pupils
Bought a newspaper
Hoping for inspiration
Terrible idea
"The Fusco Brothers"
Never heard of it before
Never will again
"Bizarro", what's this?
Sure it's pretty f'in weird
But I'm not smiling
Head's up - "Sally Forth"!
I dare say made me chuckle
A pleasant surprise?
"Dennis the Menace"
Says some unfunny bullshit
And nobody laughs
'Fraid not "Doonesbury"
Neither funny nor clever
You've wasted my time
Imbecility
Bordering on criminal
"The Knight's Life", is it?
Sigh, "Rhymes With Orange"
Useless, brainless, awful tripe
(No third line needed)
Bipolar And Drugs
http://lotterybusiness.net/ - zolpidem 10 mg
Exercise is a great way to make your body exhausted and sleep through the night.
[url=http://lotterybusiness.net/]ambien online no prescription[/url]
So if nothing else works then what can you do?You should make an appointment with your doctor.
http://lotterybusiness.net/ - ambien cr
Post a Comment