Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Ack! Haiku Hump Day! The theme is child actors.

Sorry, hope this isn't up too late! In honor of Zack's birthday, and Zack's most recent callback for a commercial, the theme today is child actors.


They start off cute, and then what happens to them?
Some age gracefully.

Some maybe not so much.

Others definitely not.

No matter how annoying you might find them, isn't there just a little part of you that wanted to be one?

38 comments:

Julie said...

As is traditional, I will begin.

Haley Joel Osment
Made his big mark when he said,
"I see dead people."

JPX said...

Blossom was stick thin
But once her show was cancelled
Her stomach blossomed

Poor Beaver Cleaver
He was a cute little boy
Then puberty hit

JPX said...

What about Full House?
The Olsen twins were cute kids
Actually they weren't

JPX said...

Mackenzie Phillips
Handles her cocaine problem
One day at a time

HandsomeStan said...

Retire at 9
The new "cute one" takes over
As do drug problems

Stage parents take note
A life lesson in two words
Macaulay Culkin

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Rob a liquor store?
Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis?
Mr. Drummond failed

HandsomeStan said...

Millionaire by 10
Divorce parents by 14
Rehab by 16

"Celeb" by 18
VH1 show by 20
Washed up by 20

Octopunk said...

Little Olsen trolls
Who knew your weird-faced evil
Would kill the Joker?

Too harsh? Yes, perhaps
Were I in an Olsen pad
I'd want some pills too

HandsomeStan said...

Poor Dana Plato
Drugs? What drugs? Hey, I'm sober!
Kidding. Suicide!

Octopunk said...

Successful Opie
Gives us flicks with Clint Howard
Gee, thanks a lot Ron

JPX said...

Some facts about life
If you don't watch what you eat
Blair, Jo, Tootie, Nat...

Edna's Edibles
Is where the girls spent their time
That's why they got fat

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Hey Bonnaducci
Can you do me a favor?
Stay off my TV

Far worse than the drugs
Is the Jesus addiction
Death to Kirk Cameron

Rudy was cutie
She became fond of foody
Then she was replaced

JPX said...

Jaleel White/Urkel
Poor bastard's typecast for life
Yes you did do that

Trevor (Tami's friend) said...

Corey Haim/Feldman
I so wanted to be you
Lost Boys 3? Can't wait!

Jonathan Ke Quan
Why don't you remember him?
Short Round, Data, cool.

JPX said...

Poor Punky Brewster
Grew enormous double D's
Had a reduction

JPX said...

90210
Luke Perry a "teen"?
Teens don't have crow's feet

Dumb Lindsay Lohan
Once a successful actress
Now a troubled slut

HandsomeStan said...

Horrendous child
Last Action Hero shithead
Deserves to be killed

Jake "Anakin" Lloyd
Would NEVER become Vader
Lucas - you fucked up

JPX said...

Whoa, Joey Lawrence
Kind of a one-trick pony
Can't get far with "Whoa"

JPX said...

Young Miley Cyrus
Her birth name is "Destiny"
Which will be failure

HandsomeStan said...

That Sean Astin kid
Mikey, Rudy, and Samwise
Good career, fatso

Johnny Sweatpants said...

"Liar Liar" kid -
Would you like to hear the truth?
I want to stab you

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Smug little bastard
The Last Action kid must pay
Death by firing squad

HandsomeStan said...

Hey I'm John Connor!
But I take drugs and get drunk.
I'm not John. Fur-long

HandsomeStan said...

Head too fucking large
You Jerry Maguire kid
Glasses hide nothing!

HandsomeStan said...

A better title
"Some Dipshit In The Middle"
Frankie Muniz - pfffffft

50PageMcGee said...

New Kids on the Block
Hard to believe they'd get worse
Puberty hit Joe

Silverchair made it
Sputtered till Diorama
Best album everrr

I wish the kid from
Last Action Hero'd met with
Freak set accident

Gary Coleman, eh?
Shouldn't count. Circa 'Strokes run,
He was like thirty.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Haley Joel Osment
Gets a pass 'cuz he's humble
And always looks scared

Webster's too damn cute
I still want to pinch his cheeks
Yes, that's right those cheeks

HandsomeStan said...

The girl from "Annie"
Now - waitress in Hoboken
Yep, she served me beer

Catfreeek said...

Mean Nelly Olsen
Always messing with Laura
What an ugly kid

and River Phoenix
another tragic ending
so much wasted youth

Christmas Story kids
Ralphie directs, Schwartz bit parts
and sweet Flick does porn

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Arnold's last action
Before being deemed "hero"
- Snapping the boy's neck

Catfreeek said...

A little known fact
Jan, one of the Brady kids
played a prostitute

Catfreeek said...

Lucky Brandon Cruz
Got to play Bill Bixby's son
A great TV Dad

I may be morbid
Always thought the Olson twins
would wind up in porn

Roseanne's TV kids
All amounted to nothing
I'm just not surprised

Catfreeek said...

Ritchie and Joanie
Both enjoyed those "Happy Days"
What happened to Chuck?

HandsomeStan said...

Fat kid, bad haircut
Get out of Arnold's movie
Yeah, I said you're fat!

JPX said...

You've hit rock bottom
When your penis is online
Yep, I'm talkin' Screech

50PageMcGee said...

The kid from the Toy
Wound up in porn. Looks the same
But fatter and gross

Catfreeek said...

The kid from the Toy
Is the Christmas Story kid
with the porn career

We'll see him real soon
In the new "Coffin" horror
His porn scares me more

Though to be in porn
He must have had one asset
Ralphie didn't have

Catfreeek said...

Dakota Fanning
There's just nothing to say here
Dakota Fanning