Sorry, hope this isn't up too late! In honor of Zack's birthday, and Zack's most recent callback for a commercial, the theme today is child actors.
They start off cute, and then what happens to them?
Some age gracefully.
Some maybe not so much.
Others definitely not.No matter how annoying you might find them, isn't there just a little part of you that wanted to be one?
38 comments:
As is traditional, I will begin.
Haley Joel Osment
Made his big mark when he said,
"I see dead people."
Blossom was stick thin
But once her show was cancelled
Her stomach blossomed
Poor Beaver Cleaver
He was a cute little boy
Then puberty hit
What about Full House?
The Olsen twins were cute kids
Actually they weren't
Mackenzie Phillips
Handles her cocaine problem
One day at a time
Retire at 9
The new "cute one" takes over
As do drug problems
Stage parents take note
A life lesson in two words
Macaulay Culkin
Rob a liquor store?
Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis?
Mr. Drummond failed
Millionaire by 10
Divorce parents by 14
Rehab by 16
"Celeb" by 18
VH1 show by 20
Washed up by 20
Little Olsen trolls
Who knew your weird-faced evil
Would kill the Joker?
Too harsh? Yes, perhaps
Were I in an Olsen pad
I'd want some pills too
Poor Dana Plato
Drugs? What drugs? Hey, I'm sober!
Kidding. Suicide!
Successful Opie
Gives us flicks with Clint Howard
Gee, thanks a lot Ron
Some facts about life
If you don't watch what you eat
Blair, Jo, Tootie, Nat...
Edna's Edibles
Is where the girls spent their time
That's why they got fat
Hey Bonnaducci
Can you do me a favor?
Stay off my TV
Far worse than the drugs
Is the Jesus addiction
Death to Kirk Cameron
Rudy was cutie
She became fond of foody
Then she was replaced
Jaleel White/Urkel
Poor bastard's typecast for life
Yes you did do that
Corey Haim/Feldman
I so wanted to be you
Lost Boys 3? Can't wait!
Jonathan Ke Quan
Why don't you remember him?
Short Round, Data, cool.
Poor Punky Brewster
Grew enormous double D's
Had a reduction
90210
Luke Perry a "teen"?
Teens don't have crow's feet
Dumb Lindsay Lohan
Once a successful actress
Now a troubled slut
Horrendous child
Last Action Hero shithead
Deserves to be killed
Jake "Anakin" Lloyd
Would NEVER become Vader
Lucas - you fucked up
Whoa, Joey Lawrence
Kind of a one-trick pony
Can't get far with "Whoa"
Young Miley Cyrus
Her birth name is "Destiny"
Which will be failure
That Sean Astin kid
Mikey, Rudy, and Samwise
Good career, fatso
"Liar Liar" kid -
Would you like to hear the truth?
I want to stab you
Smug little bastard
The Last Action kid must pay
Death by firing squad
Hey I'm John Connor!
But I take drugs and get drunk.
I'm not John. Fur-long
Head too fucking large
You Jerry Maguire kid
Glasses hide nothing!
A better title
"Some Dipshit In The Middle"
Frankie Muniz - pfffffft
New Kids on the Block
Hard to believe they'd get worse
Puberty hit Joe
Silverchair made it
Sputtered till Diorama
Best album everrr
I wish the kid from
Last Action Hero'd met with
Freak set accident
Gary Coleman, eh?
Shouldn't count. Circa 'Strokes run,
He was like thirty.
Haley Joel Osment
Gets a pass 'cuz he's humble
And always looks scared
Webster's too damn cute
I still want to pinch his cheeks
Yes, that's right those cheeks
The girl from "Annie"
Now - waitress in Hoboken
Yep, she served me beer
Mean Nelly Olsen
Always messing with Laura
What an ugly kid
and River Phoenix
another tragic ending
so much wasted youth
Christmas Story kids
Ralphie directs, Schwartz bit parts
and sweet Flick does porn
Arnold's last action
Before being deemed "hero"
- Snapping the boy's neck
A little known fact
Jan, one of the Brady kids
played a prostitute
Lucky Brandon Cruz
Got to play Bill Bixby's son
A great TV Dad
I may be morbid
Always thought the Olson twins
would wind up in porn
Roseanne's TV kids
All amounted to nothing
I'm just not surprised
Ritchie and Joanie
Both enjoyed those "Happy Days"
What happened to Chuck?
Fat kid, bad haircut
Get out of Arnold's movie
Yeah, I said you're fat!
You've hit rock bottom
When your penis is online
Yep, I'm talkin' Screech
The kid from the Toy
Wound up in porn. Looks the same
But fatter and gross
The kid from the Toy
Is the Christmas Story kid
with the porn career
We'll see him real soon
In the new "Coffin" horror
His porn scares me more
Though to be in porn
He must have had one asset
Ralphie didn't have
Dakota Fanning
There's just nothing to say here
Dakota Fanning
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