Tuesday, October 30, 2012

ants!

(1977) **1/2



I watched this one at the beginning of the month and if I wait one more day to write this review then all traces of it will be forever erased from my memory. For a brief period I entertained the notion of devoting my October to killer insects and arthropods but I aborted the idea after a train wreck called Camel Spiders. Ants! is a passable TV movie that adheres to every cliché in the 70’s man vs. creature playbook. The cover art would lead you to believe that Suzanne Somers’ breasts are the stars of the movie but this is simply not the case.

The villain of the movie is Gerald Gordon, a typical rich tycoon who likes to buy up businesses to turn into parking lots. He’s a complete ass but fortunately the predictable blueprint dictates that the ants will get him in the end and when they do it is satisfying indeed. In a role that couldn’t have been too challenging, Suzanne Somers plays his busty and bubbly blonde assistant.

Toxic waste causes the carnage and conveniently furnishes the ants with deadly venom and aggressive behavior. Their attacks are especially menacing because they are accompanied by intense violin music. Though far from scary, the movie did give me the willies on occasion as ants are hideous creatures. In the end it delivered exactly what a expected - a fun but skippable romp.

4 comments:

JPX said...

Um, this sounds kind of awesome!

Catfreeek said...

I'm still not sold but mostly because I think watching this would make me feel itchy.

Abduscias said...

"Ants on my boobs! Ants on my boobs!"

Octopunk said...

"Their attacks are especially menacing because they are accompanied by intense violin music." Well, fuck.

Every year I go hunting for another movie title with an exclamation point in it, but for some reason this year a whole bunch showed up and it had nothing to do with me. So I'm set for a while.

I also like that one of those titles is also about ants. In fact, it could be dialogue:

"Them!"

"What? Who? What is that supposed to mean?"

"Ants!"