(1973) **I think I may have discovered my own personal Snow Beast. This is a PG movie that feels like it was made for TV. A pre-A Team, pre-Battlestar Galactica Dirk Benedict plays a college kid who just can't wait to work with noted herpetologist Dr. Stoner, whose cutting-edge work involves getting his boa constrictor drunk and selling his mutated previous assistants (above) to the local carnival's freak wrangler.
Dirk's job consists of getting up at seven sharp and then taking off his shirt to receive more injections, which are supposedly designed to render him immune to snake venom. He accepts this job requirement without question, despite the ongoing nights of wild hallucinations. This is largely because he's too busy seducing his boss's daughter, which includes the most PG-rated skinnydipping scene ever. Giant leaves loom in the foreground of every shot, occasionally, if you're lucky, revealing an actor's head.Anyhoo, as luck would have it, Stoner is a 70's, made-for-TV kind of mad scientist, and to further the causes of human survival he's turning Dirk into a snake. Not a snake-man, but just a big fat snake. This process completes at about 1 hour 33 minutes into the movie, which leaves about 5 minutes to go.
This looked like a pretty good slab of 70's cheese, but it turned out to have too much filler. I liked how they made a point to get a lot of real reptiles to film, and I liked even more the silly growly noises they looped in for the snakes, or the squirrel-on-crack sounds made by the mongoose. But ultimately the padding takes over the movie and the plot hiccups to an awkward close. Having created a snake with the intelligence of a man, Dr. Stoner taunts his cobra about how smart he is and it bites him. Meanwhile, Dirk's first and last moments as a spectacular new life form involve losing a fight with that mongoose. Sssuckage.
7 comments:
I can't tell you how wonderful it was to turn on my computer and see the first review of Horrorthon 2007! Well-played Octo and great review as usual. That first picture is terrific and hilarious. It sounds like you started out the contest with a stinker, believe me I know that feeling.
As I was going to bed lat night at 10pm, I said to the husband, "imagine - in a couple of hours there is going to be several grown men giddy with excitement over watching their first Horrorthon flick."
Love the review!
i remember this movie. whenever it's on late night i'm tempted to re-watch but thus far never have. if memory serves, ** is the perfect rating, even including the topless Dirk Benedict (if the boys can mention boobs, let's hope the girls can acknowledge eye candy too).
Boobs are better than boring old man chests!
Calm down, calm down... Pornothon doesn't begin till November. We can talk about chests and other body parts then.
I've always been curious about Sssssss (did I get the right number of s's?). Glad to hear it sssucked for you Octo.
It's super gay. That's what I gleaned from the first 30 minutes or so, before I fell asleep. The old professor seems to have sublimated some things--turning Dirk into a snake is some kind of weird substitute for getting him in a hot tub and making sweet, sweet man love.
The scene where Dirk starts to shed his skin and the old dude peels it off for him is way homoerotic.
It's true, this movie could be grouped with Leeches! (2003) for its dedication to the exposure of man flesh. But it's done in a more innocent, casual 70's style.
The doc does come off as a major chicken hawk. When Dirk and Doc are discussing another professor, Dirk whines that the other prof is disrespectful of his rock-the-boat questions. "If we start by being respectful of each other's questions," replies Dr. Stoner, "I think we'll get along just fine."
I thought "Man! Old guy gets to work early."
October 01, 2007 8:37 PM
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