Sunday, October 07, 2012

Piranha

(1978) **

A young naive couple set out for a night hike they'll never forget -- 'cause they won't make it out alive! They come across a torn chain-link fence with a No Trespassing sign and figure a little law-breakin' never done hurt to no body, and when they go for an innocent moonlit swim end up being eaten by . . .
"The piranhas are here...Hungry for flesh! Who can stop them?"
So begins this 70's forgettable flick focusing on Maggie, hired to search for the missing couple (not knowing they've become fish food), and the unexpecting Paul Rogan, a brawny bearded man living in a cabin. Maggie convinces him to help her find the couple after he gives her no answers because he's too busy eating fish.
Just you wait, Mister Rogan... you're on my shit list.
In an effort to find what's in the pool that drowned the couple Maggie decides to drain the water, expecting it'd expose the evil underneath, but her efforts are worthless because those little buggers escaped through the drain and right into the river.
Aah, this takes me back to fishin' trips with my dad.
Because water is essential for life and recreation, every person within a five-state radius is utilizing the river as such. Maggie and Paul have to stop them or they'll be eaten -- including a military general and scientist that deny the piranha's existence AND Paul's 8 year-old daughter who is at summer camp. Both of the scenes of major piranha attacks seem all too close to those in Jaws.
Aside from the most ridiculous excuse for a boob shot that I've ever seen, this movie is forgettable but not unenjoyable. Watch it again with a bowl of popcorn and a root beer float, preferably as an appetizer to a dinner of prepared fish filets.

10 comments:

Mr. AC said...

Fun review! Love the idea of eating the movie's antagonist. Just think of the possibilities:
Poultrygeist + chicken tenders
Black Sheep + Mutton chops
Mad Cow + hamburgers
ThanksKilling + Turkey sandwiches
etc...

Catfreeek said...

Haha Mr. AC sounds like a plan!

Nice review Crystal, I almost put this one on my list this year.

DCD said...

That's funny Mr. AC!!

Bummer they couldn't do more with this, I imagine there were quite a few movies trying to cash in on the Jaws popularity. The more recent Piranha is in my queue - have you seen that one yet? Might be good for comparison.

AC said...

mr. ac always wants me to see this one, he loves the cheesy piranha sound effects. so far i have held out, but it does sound like it has some sbig appeal.

JPX said...

Great review, although I think you are being too hard on the film. True it's ridiculously awful but it falls in the category of so-bad-its-great! Are you going to attempt to watch the sequel?

By the way, any excuse for a boob shot is a good excuse.

Crystal Math said...

JPX I see that I might be judging the film too harshly -- is there any halfway point between "so bad it's bad" and "so bad it's good/great?" Like "so bad it's alright to watch again for something to put in the background and get a few chuckles and boob-shot out of it?"

Mr. AC it sounds like you've unearthed another possibility for Horrorthon projects: a menu to go with the movie queue!

Mr. AC said...

Speaking of boobs, JPX, to which sequel were you referring: the classic 1981 Piranha Part Two: The Spawning or the boobier 2012 Piranha 3DD?

@ Crystal Math, I'm in as long as the menu includes brains. :)

Johnny Sweatpants said...

The version may have been forgettable but the remake certainly isn't!

50PageMcGee said...

side-by-side comparison to come?

Octopunk said...

Crap, I didn't know 3DD was out!

I love Piranha but it's a pretty low-rent bag. Like when you watched Meatballs years later and realized it was made for forty dollars. The 1981 sequel has a lot more boobs and the remake has even more than that. I see a trend...