Thursday, November 01, 2012
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
More action movie than horror, this film depicts Abraham Lincoln, our nation's 16th President, fighting the Civil War to defeat vampires. Contrary to what Steven Spielberg would have you believe, the Civil War was all about vampires. Okay, slavery was a little part of it. In the vein of Bill O'Reilly's revisionist history, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter claims that vampires had taken up a sizable residence in the South, because, since they needed a ready supply of humans that no one would notice if they disappeared, vampires began a steady diet of slaves. Lincoln figures out that if he is ever to defeat the vampires, he must cut off their food supply - slaves.
Other than the fact that this movie kind of belittles the accomplishments of Lincoln, rather than make him seem cooler, I didn't like this movie much because, get ready for this... it wasn't realistic. I know. A horror movie, not realistic? In a quick, 90-second training montage, Lincoln turns from a gawky, tall, servant into Neo from the Matrix. By the time he's president, he apparently runs the entire country and war with only the help of his childhood friend and old boss. When he figures out that all the soldiers at Gettysburg need silver bayonets, it's up to Mary Todd Lincoln to head down there to pass them out.
Anyway, action sequences are okay, but in the end, anyone over the age of 9 will have trouble getting excited by the absurd story/action of this movie.
Posted by Trevor at Thursday, November 01, 2012