Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The 7 Worst Fictional Towns In America

Here's an excerpt from a funny article,
DIVERSITY:

With its uniform blue skin tone, Smurf Village may very well feature the least diverse population of any town in the universe. As for demographic statistics that people outside of college admissions offices care about: the male to female ratio is a cross between the worst keg party you’ve ever been to and a daycare center in mainland China. And the fact that there's only one female doesn’t just suck for the guys either—we’d imagine that every day was about as relaxing as a walk through the prison yard at San Quentin for the perky blond Smurfette. Let’s just say she probably had to lock her door when it was closing time at the local bar.

LANGUAGE:

Commentators have often wondered about the drugs the show’s creators must have been on, but when you get down to it, the village was a very conservative, somewhat Fascist environment. Everyone held the same values, everyone used the same language, and with its insistence on substituting “smurf” for every other word, their native tongue may very well have been the most annoying and down right confusing code of communication ever created (Other than Hawaiian. What the fuck’s with all the vowels, Hawaii?) In Smurf Village, “My husband’s smurfing” could mean anything from “My husband’s eating” to “My husband snapped and now he’s hunting smurfs!” Unfortunately, there’s no way to know because Smurf language is about as clear as a Door’s song.

OH, ALSO, IT'S BASICALLY A CULT:

If Papa Smurf had emerged from his house one episode and told everyone that he was actually the reincarnation of Christ, and that they had missed the passing comet they were supposed to catch so all Smurfs had to kill themselves, we’re not sure if we would have batted an eyelash.
Go here for the original article, http://www.cracked.com/index.php?name=News&sid=1960

1 comment:

Octopunk said...

To say nothing of the shoddy home construction. Mushrooms? Gargamel nothing, if one of those truffle-finding pigs showed up those blue fuckers would be Smurf toast.

Malevolent

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