Ring of Terror

(1962)*

"All monuments, from the simplest to the most elaborate, stand erect on the closed books of the lives of our dearly departed."

(Confusing opening statement by Cemetery caretaker, R. Dobson)

After some blurry shots of a funeral procession we cut to R. Dobson, the caretaker of a local cemetery who reckons himself to be Rod Serling. Dobson is our guide to terror and he opens with this completely jumbled narration:

"Let me invite you for a stroll down Graveyard Lane...where beauty and love abide [?]... and in death, we are born to eternal life.

All monuments, from the simplest to the most elaborate, stand erect on the closed books of the lives of our dearly departed. [??]

And each marker withholds many stories, some filled with happiness, some...filled with sorrow.

I wonder...what would they do if they had the chance to relive their lives again. What would you do?"

Huh?

He then spends the next 90 seconds searching for his cat with the following dialogue,
"Puma?...Puma?...Puma!...Puma...Puma!...Puma?...PUMA!...Come to Raygor (?)...Where are you?...PUMA!...Don't be afraid, Puma...Don't be afraid!...Puma!...Ahhh, there you are, Puma!...Nice kitty...yes...nice Puma...Were you frightened of something?...Yes Puma...Now let's you and I go for a stroll..."

Okay good, he found his damn cat, now can we get on with the movie? Sadly no. Dobson accidentally steps on his cat’s tail and the cat runs off. Dobson must find his cat all over again I shit you not!

"Puma?...Puma!...Puma?...Puma...Puma..Puma...Where are you?...Don't be afraid...There, Puma...Come to Raygor (?)...I'm sorry I hurt you...I didn't mean to step on you..."

We are now 5 full minutes into Ring of Terror.

After finding Puma sitting in front of the headstone of Lewis Moffit, Dobson laughs and notes, “I remember him…”

Even director Clark L. Paylow must have realized that he couldn’t pad this fucker any more so he FINALLY sets the story in motion.

Ring of Terror is a flashback set some time in the unspecified early 1960s. At this time hippies were all still safely confined to San Francisco while the rest of world consisted of men with flat top haircuts and fast cars and women who are born and bred to serve them. Ring of Terror is set at State University where a group of medical students and their fawning women are planning such gee-whiz things as a school dances and parking. This is one of those movies where the “students” are easily in their late 30s early 40s (I tried desperately to find some photos of this film, I really did!). Here’s a photo of an actual class from that era to give you the idea,

Cut to Lewis and a gang of students sitting in the school cafeteria. Lewis a button-down, balding student frequently gives up opportunities to socialize. School is more important, you see. This is established when his male buddies attempt to ply him away from his studies to attend a party. One of his nerdy buddies notes, “Betty might be there.” Even the potential for holding hands with Betty doesn’t do the trick as Lewis opts to remain behind.

Lewis has also created a reputation for himself as being fearless. As his quasi-girlfriend, Betty, states to some other gossipy hens, “He has nerves that won’t quit.” Oddly enough this really bothers people, particularly Betty, who notes, something like, “We need to shake up Lewis because his lack of fear might hurt him some day.” Huh?

Betty is sometimes successful in wooing Lewis and in one scene he agrees to break away from his studies for “a short car ride”. The two make out and Lewis, always the romantic, gives a long speech about his fearlessness and how blood and corpses don’t bother him, which is why he’ll be a swell doctor some day. Lewis’ one weakness?, the darkness. Lewis sleeps with the lights on and often has weird nightmares. When pressed late in the film he finally reveals,

"When I was 8-years old, my grandfather died, the coffin was in the living room [!!]. The night before the funeral I begged my mother to leave the light on in my room...she wouldn't do it...and I cried...and she told me if I didn't stop my grandfather would get up and give me a licking!"

Great parenting, huh?


Ring of terror boils down to two parallel storylines. One story concerns an upcoming autopsy that all the medical students will get to watch and the other story involves the medical students pledging for a fraternity.

Following a long drawn out sequence where the students watch the autopsy (most faint, but not our Lewis!), the climax of the film involves the pledges being given their “secret” final pledge assignments. The assignments are ridiculous and harmless. For example, one pledge must walk up and down the street, ringing doorbells and asking for a penny (!). Another pledge must dress as cupid, run up to couples making out, and stealing a kiss from the various chicks he disrupts. It’s Lewis’ assignment that’s the cruel one.

Lewis is instructed to break into the local mausoleum and steal the ring off of the corpse that they performed the autopsy on earlier in the day. [read no further if you don’t want this little gem spoiled for you].

Lewis easily breaks into the mausoleum and in a long drawn out sequence he locates the coffin he seeks. Opening the (obviously Styrofoam) coffin he begins to ply the ring off the corpse’s finger. Suddenly Puma, that damn cat from the beginning, screeches, which terrifies Lewis. Attempting to run away, Lewis’ sweater gets caught on the ring, which is still on the corpse! Lewis, terrified, clutches his chest and dies of a heart attack!

Of course Dobson reappears with the final word,

"Fear dwells in all of us...young and old alike. Has terrifying fear ever gripped you?"

Oddly enough, the actor who played Lewis died from a heart attack in 1997! I wonder if he thought of Ring or Terror in his final moments? Just dreadful.