Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Stonehenge Apocalypse

*checking through other movies I have on my computer* 
"Wait, what is...oh...oh goddess...no..."
(2010) 1/100 (can I give it a zero star rating? I will)

THERE IS ONLY ONE REASON I WATCHED THIS PIECE OF CRAP MOVIE AGAIN!
him. he's the only reason.  
This sexy bastard.

So the way that Misha Collins described this when asked was that he was approached, basically he didn't read what was going on. He only thought "hey, a movie, starting me, yes, I'll do it and I'll take it VERY SERIOUSLY". Then he remembered it was a made-for-Syfy-on-Saturdays movie, meaning most of the people watching would already be drunk.


I have no alcohol to help me through this movie. I only have my hopes that I can rip into this as badly as MST3K or Rifftraxs would. 
Or at least that I won't turn it off and delete it in a fit of rage.

The basics is that there are somehow unnamed prehistoric things left by...something of uncertain origin, which are linked to pyramids and standing stones and weird things like that, are suddenly activated to start re-forming the planet because why not? People start to notice this when the areas basically become death-traps full of bad CGI fire, but mostly the guy who won some big awards and is a conspiracy-theory nut of leylines (so a step up from Ancient Aliens, but not quite). He manages to bend time so he can get to Stonehenge, realize what's going on, and bend it again to get back and confront the evil person, who totally wants him who would like him to join them in their cult because reasons.

I hate this movie. I hate it with an unholy passion. I know it's basically Syfy Saturday night shlock that gave us 'Sharknado', and I get it's not even b-movie territory at this point, but...it could've worked if the writers hadn't been drunk themselves. Or high. I'd say both but I've seen the weird shit that Stephen King put out during his time while on benders, so I'm guessing some of it is ok. But this...is...painful.
Seriously, the only thing that keeps me watching throughout is Misha Collins and his ability to be serious about a robot head on the moon and ley lines and pseudoscience so pseudo that even conspiracy theorists think you're a bit crazy. Also attempting to figure out where I've seen the other actors without actually checking Wikipedia or IMDB because that at least gives me something to think about. If I don't, it'll be torture.


So yeah...no stars. If I have to leave a star, it's not a full star. it's the barest minimum of a star that I can leave.

4 comments:

Catfreeek said...

Sounds like typical SyFy schlock.

Trevor said...

Ouch. I watch Supernatural religiously (haha, pun!) as well, and I would've likely fallen for the Misha Collins vehicle. Good to know I can avoid this - thanks for taking one for the team.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Duly noted! I will avoid this at all costs.

DKC said...

Hilarious! But sorry it was so crappy.