Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Wednesday's Quad-Monthly Haiku Humpday presents: Jiggle Television

Shallow breathing-check, quickened pulse-check, unbridled excitement-check . . . it must be time for my first post on Horrorthon to kickoff Haiku Humpday.

Here goes:

As I'm sure most of you have heard by now, Farrah Fawcett is in the hospital battling cancer again. Thinking of her, my original idea was to make
Charlie's Angels the topic, as an homage to the women who literally helped me discover myself. However, while researching the post I found that Charlie's Angels belongs to an entire genre of progams I didn't even know existed: the genre known as Jiggle television. And with a name like Jiggle, it's gotta be good.

From the Jiggle Television blog,
Apparently "Jiggle Television" was coined by a T.V. Critic about the short-lived ABC-TV comedy series Sugar Time! starring Barbie Benton, about an aspiring female rock group in 1977. That show's greatest claim to fame may have been its inspiring one television critic to call it "jiggle TV", a term that was then frequently used to describe the many television series of the era starring attractive, sexy young women.

So here's the deal: today we're Haiku-ing about television shows that put a premium on scantily clad bodies and let things like compelling story lines and good writing fall where they may.

Remember these old-school gems:

Dickinson was great as Pepper Anderson, but was awesome in Dressed to Kill.

Please, please use the lasso on me!

A tuxedo t-shirt? Jack, you crazy!

Check out them Dukes!

Of course Jiggle Television lived well beyond the 70s and 80s. Check out these slightly more contemporary examples:

The Jiggle seen round the world

Ok, tell me again. Your armor serves what purpose?

And the tradition continues today:

Their parents must be so proud

Finally, lest I be considered sexist, not all that jiggles has two X chromosomes:

Suck it in Dave, this one's for the ladies

I've obviously just scratched the surface of this genre ripe for ridicule. The rest is up to you. Ladies and gentlemen, start your keyboards.


Chris said...

Good morning. To start things off here's a few examples from my feeble mind. I hope you have fun with this!

Waylan Jennings speaks.
General Lee halts mid-jump.
Oh crap, commercial.

Angels risk their lives.
Charlie commands; hidden, safe.
Misogynist dick.

My room's first poster.
Red bathing suit on Farrah.
Learned to lock the door.

Danger in water!
Fabric's tensile strength tested.
Slow-mo Baywatch run.

AC said...

nice, bouncy topic
but passover starts tonight
haiku time denied

david hasselhoff!?!?
i'm straight, but would rather do
linda carter, thanks.

Dana's Brain said...

Even with Passover AC comes up with a gold! "Linda Carter" made me crack up!

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I do love women
And I worship the ocean
But Baywatch - too dumb

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Hot, sexy waitress
I don't care who killed Laura
Show me the Shelly!

HandsomeStan said...

Great topic! Unexpectedly awesome! And JSP beat me to Shelly. Madchen Amick...mmmmmmmm. In college, I had a great poster of her holding a beer.

Fall Guy opening
Heather Thomas bikini
Wish I had Tivo

Locklear or Thomas?
It would probably kill me
But I'd do 'em both

Tommy Lee messed up
Mistakenly called Locklear
Meant to call Thomas

nowandzen said...

Nice topic Chris and some fine haiku right out of the gate.

Farrah teeth and hair
Dancing in fountain naked
Wrinkled no one cares

HandsomeStan said...

Hazzard's l'il flower
What did she see in Enos?
Daisy misguided

HandsomeStan said...

Buck Rogers' problem:
Erin Grey or Zardala?
I don't feel Buck's pain

Skin tight bodysuits
The 25th Century
Liked Erin Grey's butt

Catfreeek said...

Living Barbie doll
Resides WKRP
Loni Anderson

Yeah,Suzanne Sommers
She definitely put the
Jiggle in tv

Elly Mae Clampet
Possibly original
of tv hotties

Never saw Baywatch
Seemed like a lame show to me
go rescue some jerk

Catfreeek said...

Men should watch the soaps
always scantily clad chicks
having some hot sex

Delta Burke, once hot
Now fat and selling diets
like Kirsty Alley

Catfreeek said...

Some men might admit
Watching Hee Haw for the chicks
Busty simpletons

Hmmm...all of these shows
starring large breasted women
Where's Dolly Parton?

Many made debut
Painted bods in bikinis
showed up on Laugh In

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Back to dear Shelly
Waitress with a heart of gold
One cherry pie please!

Her husband Leo
was physically abusive

I had a poster
Of Madchen Amick as well
I stared for hours

Johnny Sweatpants said...

With her very tongue
She can tie a cherry stem
I heart Audrey Horne

In fact everyone
In Twin Peaks is smoking hot
('cept the log lady)

Chris said...

As a Jiggle show
Fox Force Five woulda kicked ass.
Bad jokes, deadly chicks.

JPX said...

Chrissy was stupid
Why would Jack put up with her?
Oh yeah, the huge boobs

Chrissy perplexed me
Why didn’t she wear a bra?
I’m an idiot

Chrissy’s replacement
Wasn’t really popular
The reason? Small boobs.

Wonder Woman rocked
I liked it for the action
I’m an idiot

Dad liked the show too
I thought he liked the action
I’m an idiot

Brett Michaels is strange
Always wears a bandana
Wanna bet he’s bald?

Popular with girls
Until bandana comes off
He best keep it on

What’s Charlie doing,
When all we hear is his voice?
Yep, masturbation

Daisy Duke looked good
But butt couldn’t save that show
Boobs, nice ass, cars crash

Johnny Sweatpants said...

No Wonder Woman
I can't sleep with you tonight
It's not you, it's me

JeffBrown17 said...

Univision chicks
I don't talk no mexican
fluent in jiggler

Let me, once again
Mount my defense of Ginger
You people are nuts

Two words: mount, Ginger
Let it not go unnoticed
The word "nuts" there too

JPX said...

Terri was my fave
Jiggle in a nurse outfit
Jack should've hit it

50PageMcGee said...

public computer
i don't know who jeff brown is
was I all along

JPX said...

Ginger had it rough
Nerd, fatty, egg head, old man
No testosterone

Mary Ann was cute
But there was no jiggle there
Made great cream pies though

JPX said...

From this day forward
50p has new nickname

JPX said...

Golden Girls jiggle
Blanche once wore a leotard
Damn right I'd hit that

Catfreeek said...

You guys are crazy
with your Golden Girls fetish
but all about Blanche

I have one question
Who among you is willing
to do Sophia?

Hmmm...for that matter
Which one of you guys would hit
manly Dorothy

Catfreeek said...

just 50P in disguise
posting jiggle ku's

Hard core jiggle fans
watched Xena, hot armored babe
Amazon Goddess

Good Times jiggler
Thelma was a real brick house
with hair like Gretchen

Catfreeek said...

Speaking of Gretchen
with all this hot babe talking
strange no one's named her

G said...

Pa-mel-a gave rise
before Tommy steered the boat

don't hassle the 'Hoff
his buoyant casting saved lives
here comes the montage

JPX said...

Come to think of it
Why didn't the girls do Jack?
What, too good for him?

HandsomeStan said...

Erin Grey - brunette?!?
That's when "Buck Rogers" went lame -
What were they thinking?!?

Stuck on Erin Grey
Only Buck and Silver Spoons?
I needed lots more

Name: "Wilma Deering."
Job: "hot starfighter pilot"
Me: "childhood crush"

HandsomeStan said...

Orig'nal jiggla:
British genius Benny Hill
Speed that footage up!

Never thought hot babes
Running to fast saxophones
Would do it for me

HandsomeStan said...

The granny panties
Only thing wrong with costume
Wonder Woman's pain

Was Isis "Jiggle?"
She could've been much hotter
Like Erin Grey is

HandsomeStan said...

A-Team scrapped their chick
After just half a season
Non-Jiggle TV

B.A. Baracus:
Don't need no Jiggles here, fool!
And no planes, sucka!

The Jiggle-Free Zone:
Airwolf, Knight Rider, Street Hawk
No idea why

Kick-ass vehicle
Throw Erin Grey in back seat
NOW the show's better

HandsomeStan said...

'From the past', you say?
Get outta here, Buck Rogers!
I'll take Wilma home

Chris said...

Erin's space hotpants
Made me beedee my twiggy.
Please don't be pissed Stan.

HandsomeStan said...

How could I be pissed?
"Beedy my twiggy," indeed!
Hilarious stuff!

Only pissed because
That haiku beat my others
Erin now loves Chris

nowandzen said...

Suzanne Summers strains
Old now grunting exercise
Heads up methane bomb

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