All four entries exceeded expectations. I love this contest but really hate having to select a winner.The tasty backstories that made our Gretchen come alive, in four tantalizing flavors:
Harbinger Gretchen: Representative of an alien and superior race; the Wincze boys are central to the Earth’s fate, as is Horrorthon; Gretchen will judge us, and reward or punish as is fit.
The Real Gretchen, yeah that’s right!: Handsome Dad had a roaming eye; Gretchen has his looks, a preference for romance over horror, and a soft spot for our very own Johnny Sweatpants. Who could blame her?
The Truth Hurts Gretchen: Our girl is now a Payless manager with two kids, an extra 70 pounds, awesome taste, and perhaps just a hint of Rhode Island accent.
Kaballabonga Gretchen: A differently-abled and terrifying Gretchenstein’s monster, exquisitely described. I keep looking over my shoulder for that wafting dandelion seed.
I read each entry carefully about 4 times; hope I don’t give myself the OCD. Each story was in contention for top pick. Finally I had to go with The Truth Hurts. The delicate combination of humor, pathos, and RI accent just won my heart. I feel like I know this Gretchen, somehow.
Congratulations The Truth Hurts! Can’t wait to find out who you are. And thanks again to everyone for playing.
9 comments:
Congratulations, Truth! My guess is Cat, but I could be way off.
JSP, am I really that transparent?
-stan
PS. If I had claimed victory, I would have been "Harbinger of Zoom."
Holy moley! The Truth Hurts be me. Mwahahaha!
To be honest I thought mine was the weakest of the lot but I'll gleefully take the prize. While I'm being honest I must also admit that I never knew what the word "pathos" meant until I finally looked it up 5 minutes ago. 50P used it to describe my sex with a robot haiku and I meant to bust the dictionary out then but never got around to it. It's just one of those words that I've "yeah whatever'ed" my entire life like "subterfuge" or "quixotic". (Those words are none of my business.)
I thought Harbinger's entry was sheer genius. If that's not Handsome Stan then I'll eat a handful of kitty litter. I have no idea who The Real Gretchen is but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess Miko. I love how (s)he asked "Secondly, why horror? I would much rather be connected to a site that was dedicated to romantic comedies." Hysterical. And Kaballabonga's piece was a mind fuckingly poetic and fascinating. I read it 7-8 times and each read was more intriguing. Based on the time it was posted it had to be a west coaster - either 50P or Octopunk. It sounds more like something that would come out of 50P's brain but Octo is an English language ninja so who the hell knows. But I'm gonna go with 50P...
Nice Gretchen pic by the way. Nothing beats bursting out laughing the second the computer is turned on.
Sorry if that first statement was misleading, where I actually *cough* signed my name.
I'm flabbergasted, scratching my head in a quixotic manner, at the subterfuge you pulled - well done! I hadn't the SLIGHTEST idea! (That was also a vocab-building sentence)
I am VERY keen to know who the others were - out with it, you mysterious bastards!
Will the real Gretchen please stand up...
Yup, that was me. I'm so proud of the fact that I fooled both Stan and JSP who are all too familiar with my writing style.
Some facts about the real Gretchen's tale:
1. Podunk IN is a real town and the ghost story about the baby in Podunk is real too.
2. The email address is very real also, I created it in hopes of luring in JSP's curiosity but alas he never took the bait. Poor Gretchen, stood up again.
Congrats JSP you captured that accent perfectly.
I'm putting my money on Octo as Kaballabonga, but I could be wrong.
congratulations johnny sweatpants! you are on a roll these days.
mr. ac created the laundry-themed gretchen picture- we are both glad it made you laugh.
i had no idea who wrote any of the first three; kudos to stan and catfreeek and sweatpants for their ability to morph writing styles. i did guess real gretchen was female, but also thought truth hurts was female (sorry johnny). i thought harbinger was male. i suspected octo was kaballabonga because of the time the story posted, the absolute genius writing, and followup comment in which the author corrected "seed."
wouldn't mind knowing for sure, either way.
and i wish miko would play! this was his idea after all.
I thought when I corrected the "seed" thing I'd say at the end "and I didn't screw up and reveal my identity this time!" Which would have been high hilarity, of course, since by saying that I would be... you get it.
I be Kaballabonga! And I'll try to move a little faster next week.
This alias aspect to leaving comments is awesome.
You can tweak your name to make a sentence out of the "_____ said..."
I have been laughing at the Gretchen picture all weekend. There's nothing funnier than going to the blog and seeing what crazy thing Gretchen has been up to...
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