Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Haiku Hump Day - She Blinded me with SCIENCE!

This edition of Haiku Hump Day is devoted to that delightful force which is fighting on the front line for the powers of good, while simultaneously fighting on the front line for the powers of evil, against itself in an epic battle for our soul and sanity. I'm referring, of course to Science!


Science was unwittingly invented in the seventies by Darla Kruppke of Eugene, Oregon, seen pictured here with the results of her experiments with the Magnetically Controlled Outlet, so named because it uses magnets.


Scientists have used Science to help us all lead better, more efficient lives.


Science has helped us to codify all of the magic in our world. Because of Science, we can now appreciate nature in its full mathematical beauty.


Science has taught us to create magical elixirs that make the IMpossible possible!


Science has made it possible for us to make our precious animals much bigger than they ever were before.


Through the careful use of Science, childhood blindness is now a thing of the past.


Science is a friend to you, me, and all of the creatures of the world.


Join me in a day of celebration, as we display our gratitude to that magical power that improves our lives in so many wondrous ways.

54 comments:

50PageMcGee said...

They come in white robes
These conjurers, these wizards
These men of Science

Our problems are solved
Homework, Cleaning, done FOR us
Thank God for Robots!

Rename all the months
No more March, April, May, June
Call them all "Science!"

JPX said...

I worked very hard
In my high school physics class
I got a C+

"It's a miracle"
Is what people often say
Nope, it's just science

In graduate school
I did a lot of research
Now I hate research

HandsomeStan said...

Love the topic! I especially love how the intro reads like a Disney educational film from the 50s.

Ahem...

Test tubes and beakers
Cool stuff found in the science
Or crystal meth lab

Force. Mass times distance.
So it is for most of us.
Or just wave your hand.

JPX said...

High school science lab
We all played with mercury
Now, poor memory

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Clear headed thinking
Knowledge based on evidence
Reality wins

Johnny Sweatpants said...

What's up with Pluto?
Are you a planet or not?
Make up your damn mind

HandsomeStan said...

Where's my flying car?
Enough curing diseases!
Make my car fly! Now!

HandsomeStan said...

Cherry blossoms fall
Fragile life just like - oh, wait -
Here comes the Roomba

Johnny Sweatpants said...

The Space Ace from KISS
Was inspired by Science
And also by drugs

How do you suppose
Rockets shoot from his guitar?
That's right friends - Science

The song New York Groove
Isn't Science related
But it's really cool

Chris said...

Science is great . . . Ha!
We put man on the moon, but
Somehow I'm still bald?

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Has anyone seen
Thomas Dolby in concert?
I can picture it

"Play your only hit!
She Blinded Me With Science"
Shout the aging fans

"We'll soon get to that!"
Replies Mr. Dolby
"First - here's a new song!"

Johnny Sweatpants said...

"Hot Sauce" and "Airhead"
"Wind Power", "I Scare Myself"
- Other Dolby tunes.

AC said...

is it ironic?
haikus again blocked: helping
friend edit her grant

AC said...

hypotheses are
like tinted glasses: often
filtering the truth

AC said...

science friday is
the best time to listen to
npr, says i

Catfreeek said...

Geeks wasting some time
Writing Haiku to tribute
Other brainy Geeks

Science so new!
Explaining all that we know
Pissed off the God heads

Chemistry was cool
Creating bubbling test tubes
truly a kids dream

Back in 7th grade
The smell of formaldehyde
Meant dissecting frogs

HandsomeStan said...

One cool science thing -
At least you get the hot babes
Like that Erin Grey

Science brought The Bomb
And LSD in same year
No coincidence

Intimidation
Somebody always better
At the Science Fair

The science museum
Mostly lame but for one word:
Planetarium

JPX said...

Gave mouse alcohol
Timed him running through a maze
Won the science fair

The jocks all got laid
But the nerds made more money
The jocks had it right

Volcano project
Baking soda, vinegar
Not that impressive

HandsomeStan said...

Waste of science time -
Origin of universe
Stick with flying cars

JPX said...

My chemistry set
Was not very exciting
No bomb-making plans

HandsomeStan said...

Science should work on
AC's haikuing problem
Mystery of life

Catfreeek said...

I really must say
Bill Nye, not my science guy
Beakman, all the way!

Beakman, best side kicks
A fat man in a rat suit
and a ditsy girl

Sadly the only
reruns I can find of this
on Spanish channel

Beakman, amigo!
aquí hay gato encerrado
debe ser así Lester!

Catfreeek said...

When I was a kid
burning ants with a spy glass
was science to me

Here is a cool thing
Kids science experiment
break worm and make 2

Ok, it's not cool
I bet most of you did it
it used to be cool

HandsomeStan said...

Old man with children
Should be cause for concern, but -
He's Mr. Wizard!

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Medicine, cell phones,
Radio, television
Airplanes, buildings, cars

Electric guitars,
Toilets, computers, Pacman
Rocketships and beer

An understanding
Of the world surrounding us
And our very minds

People say science
Cannot explain everything
One day it just might

Chris said...

Dissected a cat.
Sliced it's distended bowel.
Shit-splattered lab mate.

Shock of bright red hair.
Constant, fearful "meep meep"ing.
C'mon Beaker, smile!

Slim Goodbody, ugh.
Blatant unitard abuse.
Hide your colon, man.

HandsomeStan said...

To JSP:

Knowing the answers
Will unfold deeper questions
Deep Thought- 42

AC said...

jpx, liar!
you plan to bomb all thonners
once our backs are turned

mock me, handsome stan?
i shall have revenge. to the
laBORatory!

HandsomeStan said...

"Mad scientist." Hmmm...
Notice that you can't spell it
Without "A" and "C"

HandsomeStan said...

Other food for thought
There's no real explanation
For gravity. Hmmm....

Catfreeek said...

Newton bonked on head
The apple inspired him
Sir Isaac, not Fig

AC said...

science has shown us
handsome stan's an anagram
for "ham snot sedan"

JPX said...

All those cool gadgets
Batman is a scientist
See, science is fun!

Because of science
We now have photos of Mars
It looks like Krypton

AC said...

(also, "stoned shaman."
i proved it in my basement
laBORatory)

HandsomeStan said...

Anagrams - witchcraft!
Not science! Try this one out:
"Ann-made shots." Touche!

(Ooh! Ooh! Dr. AC! Over here! Ahem - "Anagram Thursday.")

Mr. AC said...

Is the universe
expanding or contracting?
Only time will tell.

AC said...

handsome stan's a good
sport, and ac sucks at an-
agrams (used an app).

Julie said...

On Rational Moms
We talk lots about science.
That's right, shameless plug.

Julie said...

You know who so sucks?
Those antiscientific
A-holes. Can't stand 'em.

Julie said...

Light's a particle.
No, it's a wave. No, wait I--
Make up your damn mind!

nowandzen said...

Fiction plus Science
Chocolate and nut butter
Tastes great - yes nut butter

nowandzen said...

Science standing firm
Trying to disprove a faith
Now faith in science

nowandzen said...

Place knife on frog slice
Formaldehyde fills the air
Vomit and laughter

Julie said...

Poor Steven Hawking.
Science only helps that guy
Talk like a robot.

Catfreeek said...

Science has failed me
no self cleaning cat litter
I'm still scooping poop

As inventions go,
think that guy won science fair
showing the Flowbie?

Reject scientist
now infomercial tycoon
selling Oxi-clean

Octopunk said...

50's movies say
Cute scientists kill monsters
Ha! There's no cute one.

Octopunk said...

Welcome to my lab
Science specialty? Madness.
Head's up! Biiig spider.

Octopunk said...

Professor Stanley?
He should turn in his goggles!
(Stupid flying car)

Octopunk said...

My Ororoscope
Sees ten seconds in future
I knew you'd say that

Octopunk said...

Here's my pride and joy
My mad toxic octo-bat
Right here in this... hmmm

Octopunk said...

I wouldn't touch that!
Do you know what that gun fires?
Pure science, baby

Octopunk said...

Evil knowledge? Bah!
Just think of what we could LEARN
From napalm monkeys.

Octopunk said...

So, you want the job?
Let's spit in God's eye right now!
You can throw the switch

Octopunk said...

Strange phenomena
All over our little town
It's probably rays