That’s right, pet peeves! Come on, folks, we all have them, some of us have a lot of them (*cough* *cough* me), so what annoys you? Here are a few of mine,
People whistling (see also, multiple and/or loud sneezing)
When an old fart pays with a check at the grocery store
People who text during a movie (see also people who talk during a movie)
Being held hostage to someone else’s cell phone conversation
Bathrooms with with a mirror positioned so you can see your whole self while seated
Allowing a phone cord or hair dryer cord to become hopelessly tangled
More,
TV shows or ads with doorbells, ringing phones, or alarm clocks
Websites that blast music or any type of audio as soon as it loads.
Being put on the speakerphone without warning
Explanations beginning with the word 'Again'
Mumbling, then annoyedly saying "Forget it!" when people naturally don't hear
Wheedling a promise out of someone while they're trying to be left alone to sleep
Asking "Do you suggest ___?" Where the blank is clearly something not suggested
Thinking that one has the only correct background for understanding an issue
Purposefully mangling someone's name or handle as a form of ridicule, e.g. Klinton
Receiving fundraising calls on behalf of police, firefighters or other public servants
So hit me with your pet peeves, I’m expecting a lot from you grouchy Horrorthonners
First rule of Horrorthon is: watch horror movies. Second rule of Horrorthon is: write about it. Warn us. Tempt us. The one who watches the most movies in 31 days wins. There is no prize.
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Salem's Lot 1979 and Salem's Lot 2024
Happy Halloween everybody! Julie's working late and the boy doesn't have school tomorrow so he's heading to one of those crazy f...
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(2007) * First of all let me say that as far as I could tell there are absolutely no dead teenagers in this entire film. Every year just ...
96 comments:
Please don't talk to me
When I'm using the bathroom
That's my special time
Please don't tailgate me
With your big-ass SUV
It makes me hate you
Please don't say to me
"Um, ya know what I'm sayin'?"
Every two seconds
If I don't know you
Don't start a conversation
I'm a private guy
I can't stand "small talk"
I don't care where you come from
Talk to someone else
Pet peeve: Pets At Work
Leave your fucking dog at home
Along with your kids
Again, I'll explain
Your damn dog is underfoot
And the office smells
How to tell the world
You're a douchebag at first sight -
Just grow a goatee
Forwarded email
Stop clogging up my account
With your stupidness
students requesting
extensions: read syllabus,
manage your damn time
while i'm commuting
i hate all other humans
on bus, T, and foot.
windows are see-through
so while stopped at a red light
please don't pick your nose
take your cell phone call
in a restaurant only
in emergency
judgmental people...
sole consolation, odds are
they are dysthymic
panhandlers who blow
smoke in my face whilst begging
won't get cash from me
an easier task
to list what doesn't peeve me
need an extension
eff you handsome stan
you know i have a goatee
and bring cat to work
Slow drivers/walkers
You will all have fun in hell
Being slowly cooked
Nice big fat family
Take up the whole sidewalk, please
I'll just use the curb
Know what I'm sayin'?
Everybody on earth sucks
Know what I'm sayin'?
Using bathroom spray
Won't disguise the shit you took
Please go before work
yeah, don't poo at work
the smell lingers, and then i
get blamed unfairly
How To Make Douchebags:
Shave head, grow goatee, pierce ear
Add one Ninja bike
Did you say "bromance"?
Did I hear you correctly?
You are dead to me.
If you say "I'm sick"
On Facebook status updates
You've made my shit list
Hi, nice to meet you
You're a Springsteen fan, you say?
Sorry, gotta run
Scientologists
Make me want to hop a plane
And join Al-Qaeda
Hey Al-Qaeda folks
"U" comes after "Q", dipshits
Now shave your dumb beards
Non-coffee drinkers
We get it - you're really lame
Now go fuck yourselves
Toilet paper roll
If it's not over the top
Someone's getting smacked
Hey there MrsX -
That toilet seat there STAYS UP
Yep, just deal with it
when you tell stories
don't constantly hit my arm
to make sure I hear
people who tell jokes
then laugh loudly at themselves
makes me warm with rage
don't fart in my car
it makes the ride unpleasant
and I will hate you
mispronouncing words
you don't know how the word sounds
ask or don't say it
Eww massive B.O.
take a shower and use soap
you smelly asshole
we're in the store line
you tell me your life story
clearly I don't care
if on the highway
don't zoom across four lanes to
get to your exit
men in real short shorts
fat women in spandex pants
kids dressed like hookers
slurping up your soup?
why not stick your whole face in
and I hope you drown
Hey fashion fucktards -
Don't say "Ciao." Don't kiss my cheek.
You freaks of nature
Wear too much perfume?
Perhaps your masking something
like a smelly cooch
Dog pooped on my lawn
and your now walking away
I hope it attacks you
Using trendy words
you're over 60 years old
act your age asshole
Wearing trendy clothes
you're over 60 years old
act your age asshole
Hey construction guys
don't need to see your ass cracks
so tuck your shirt in
I don't get football
Whistle blows, meatheads collide
Cue commerical break
please stop offering
bulk-rate penis enlargers
it hurts my feelings
i now love bono
but what's up with his glasses?
cataracts maybe?
corporate sponsors
if you rename that venue
i won't buy your shit
vaginas are great
but celebrity cooters
i don't need to see
mcmansions, really?
you need that much living space,
go colonize mars
driving a hummer?
douchebaggery as clear as
sporting a goatee
(no offense meant to
thonners who are living large
i'm sure you are cool)
Ok now we're back
A flag seems to have been thrown
Ten minutes go by
Instant replay now
Once again in slow motion
Cue commercial break
Just because I'm male
Don't always ask me to change
The water cooler*
*This just happened...again
300 pound girls
Wearing Brady jersey shirts
Get on my last nerve
A tattoo is cute
But head to toe ones are not
Creeps me the hell out
Dumbass catches ball
Can the baboon run ten yards?
Do you really care?
I am SO special
I pay five bucks per coffee
Now I'm broke AND wired
Pet peeve with football?
When they score and thank Jesus
He didn't help you
"Jus wanna thank God..."
For helping you score touchdowns?
Really? Seriously?
I want some player
To blame Jesus for fumbling
"Yo, man, Jesus MADE me!"
Stan's last 2 haikus
Should both be disqualified
Syllabic errors
And we're back again
We're talking about sponsors
Have another ad
Whistle blows - game on!
Whistle blows seconds later
What the hell happened?
7 minutes left
Which means 55 minutes
In dumb football talk
Will the imbecile
Kick the ball between two posts?
*eats potato chip*
So in conclusion
Football fans are mindless oafs
This includes YOU, sir.
My cell phone vibrates
I think somebody loves me
Fucking Sprint sales call
First thing the guy says
I'm not paying for the call
What about my time?
which would you rather?
put the seat down (real tough task)
or wipe pee off seat
drunk frat boy buffoon
turn that DMB shit off
stop calling me "bra"
lascivious ads
invite me into your mouth
[crunch] [munch] [slurp] [smack] [schlorp]
the worst: Carl's Jr.
icky sex burger munching
where's the damn remote?
hey, tailgating tard
i want to go faster too
tard in front of me
on the right AND left
wannabe politicos
none of you know shit
"i'm a musician."
got your gear and "emotions"
but can't play for shit
you knew what i meant
but you *had* to correct me
"you mean Venti?" prick.
A guy on TV
Puts pizza in toaster, fails
Yeah, we've all been there
Hey, no we haven't!
Don't invent fake problems, jerks
Enraged Octopunk
It totally sucks
When someone can't count syllables
I'm looking at you, HandsomeStan
My biggest blog peeve
Contributors on the blog
Who don't "contribute"
Favorite porn hub
Now links mostly to vids -- damn!
I prefer just pics
My awesome new shirt
Jeff X threw fish eggs on it
Wait, that was Gary
Just got River Raid
JPX stole it to play
Oh wait, that was me
Yeah that wasn't cool
I was so psyched to play it!
Wait, Octo stole it
Wait, where's The Simpsons?
I was all set to watch it
Preempted by sports
Rhode Island, Boston
You meet really bad drivers
LA has own breed
Endanger your life
Then they'll give you the finger
What the fucking fuck
If aliens saw
How we behave in our cars
They'd blow up the Earth
Mispronounce "Target"
I'll put a gun to your head
"Say TAR-JAY again!"
Really tall people
Just who do you think you are?
Get over yourselves
knows what chaps my ass
those who rank on tall people
shorty's got issues
need to get you some
of those tall Kiss platform boots
air's better up here
Know what grinds my gears?
People who read the last page
Before starting book
During election
The "undecided voters"
Just make me mental
pop culture quoters
unoriginal bastards
(we here are exempt)
You know what I hate?
People who don’t act like me
Look or think like me
It’s sad but it’s true
Girls with bad taste in music
Cannot be trusted
Barbershop chatter
Can’t they make like the dentist -
Knock me out with gas?
It makes me so mad
When those words come on the screen,
"To be continued"
Moronic parents
let their kids run wild at
my hotel. Fucktards.
You just keep drinking.
But when your damn brat gets hurt?
Now it's all our fault.
Stupid employees.
Whining, irritating jerks.
My dream job? NO STAFF!
It's called a passing
lane. Know why that is, Momo?
'Cause it's for passing!
Worst are the tourists.
"Oo, look! A big mansion! Lets
drive by at five miles!"
Park your god-damn car
and GO INSIDE you shithead!
You're making me late.
Know why I'm annoyed?
Had to work the overnight
last night. Fucking beat.
Instead of bedtime,
I'm writing fucking haikus.
Screw you, jerks! Good night!
every show i've played
some fuckin fuck shouts "freebird"
fuck you, you dumb fuck.
impatient young child
wee shite, cig in mouth, cursing
grow some pubes first, kid.
"CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU'VE JUST WON A FREE I-POD!"
too loud *and* a scam
Please don't imitate
Austin Powers dialogue
It's never funny
And please don't attempt
A Yoda imitation
Funny it's never
Religious lady,
Why can't you shut your pie hole?
I'm trying to work.
Redundant lady,
I'm so sick of hearing you're
"Thankful and grateful."
facebook friend request
we *never* spoke in high school
midlife crisis much?
Paranoid lady,
Not everyone's against you,
And they should be, bitch.
Homeopathic
Medicine does not work, tards.
The stupid, it burns.
Dude, you cut me off,
Then flipped me off. That's real nice.
Driving makes us rude.
Are you putting on
Your makeup while in my way?
You are driving, whore!
Met girl at party
She thought Jar Jar was funny
Give me back my pipe
Organic veggies
Are more expensive. That's it.
You smug, stupid, jerk.
Jenny McCarthy
And the anti-vax jerkoffs
All deserve a smack.
Why won't our kid, Zack
Get off my boobs already?
Drink some cow's milk, kid.
Reality shows
so totally obnoxious
they should all be shot
and all these dumb shows
with stupid background music
fake reality
Sick of the whining
tinkling piano music
cue the sad story
8 kids? there's a show
more drama, ratings are low
Get a real job jerk
I just had to pump
Six ounces of breast milk, dudes.
And can't smoke pot. Much.
Cat attacks my feet.
Gonna get stepped on real soon.
Gonna be flat cat.
My job can't pay me.
Keeps messing up my paycheck.
Stupid monkey tards.
Spent millions to buy
New payroll system, went broke,
Then laid people off.
So we have this new
Stupid payroll system, but
Nobody to pay.
We have new bathrooms.
Paid for a remodel but
Laid people off. Tards.
Brand new bathrooms, but
No one left to piss in them.
Not making this up.
Brand new handicapped
Lift on remodeled stairwell.
Brand new rec center.
No one comes up stairs.
Everyone is gone these days.
Quiet, but nice digs.
Stupid recording
Telling me my warranty
Expired. Go to hell.
Zack, please, off my titties, babe.
I want them back for myself.
And maybe Octo.
Cat shovels litter
Onto floor. Disgusting mess.
Gonna be flat cat.
Damn water cooler
Every time water runs out
"Jeff, can you change it?"
When they need my help
They're suddenly extra nice
"Jeff" becomes "Jeffy"
It's always awkward
I must appear strong to them
While straining my back
I always spill some
Return to my office damp
Damn secretaries
Whiny bitch at work
she complains to no avail
I wish she would quit
It could save your life
Antibacterial gel
Dumb things strangers say
Holy shit rain drops!
Hit the brakes again, again.
Rhode Island drivers
Plate of free samples
Sure, reach your bare hands right in
Bacteria bowl
“Please flush the toilet”
Do we really need a sign?
Masses are asses
whirly haikuing
is such a rare treat that i've
lost my peevishness
that, plus exhaustion
guess by the end of the day
i've spent all my bile :(
I hate old people
I don't want to become one
They fuck up syllables
Smelly, decaying fleshbags
Humans weren't meant for this sort of thing
Please bring on the cloning
I am ignoring
My early penalty flag
About syllables
Getting old is wrong
I fight against it each say
In my head, at least
Pet peeve with Nature
We all must shrink, wrinkle, die?
Are you serious?
Ugh. "each DAY"
Why do pet peeves grate?
Most people are horrible
That seems to be why
Cherry blossoms fall
Hey! Get the fuck out of here!
With that leaf-blower!
It's the little things
Like shitheads doing dumb shit
That make pet peeves suck
Murder? Yep, that's fine.
Child molestation? Cool.
Pet peeve? You will die.
Loud car stereo
If it's mine, then I'm awesome
Otherwise, fuck you
Syllabic Nazis
Sometimes I need 8 or 9
Call me on my shit
Rage and frustration
Tough to get entire world
Within 17
So many retards
Just not enough syllables
To express dismay
YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK YOU!
EVERYTHING YOU DO IS WRONG!
I WANT YOU TO DIE!
(not you all, obviously..just a thematically appropriate haiku)
Good luck, JPX
Comments beat "Video Games"
Pet peeve: GREAT Thonners
Sure I have pet peeves.
That's just because I'm a bitch.
Misanthropic me.
"It looks like these fell,"
Says Octo of my pictures.
I am sarcastic.
"Yep, it looks that way,"
I say, but my tone says more:
"You are a dumbass."
Why so mean Julie?
He's just asking 'bout your shit.
Just be glad he cares.
But when I am tired,
I'll slay you with sarcasm
Just for my own fun.
It totally sucks
To get served by your own wife
It's my new pet peeve
Meanwhile, in real life
Sarcastic Girl said sorry
'Cuz I called her out
Excuse, that I interrupt you, there is an offer to go on other way.
I just had to pump Six ounces of breast milk, dudes. And can't smoke pot. Much.
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