Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Haiku Hump Day: Hair

I planned on writing a longer and what I hoped would be a funnier post, but I unfortunately pulled a muscle in my neck, which has left me bed ridden for the past couple of days. I didn’t want to flake out on another haiku Wednesday, so I’m instead giving you the condensed picture packed version.

I’m optimistic that hair is a topic brimming with haiku potential. Most of us have had bad haircuts, and if not we’ve certainly seen them. Though, hair is not just on the head. Think about the man at the beach with a back like a bear, or the woman behind the counter of the gas station just shy of a full-grown beard.

Below I’ve included a gallery of images to hopefully get your creative juices flowing. I intended to add some of my own hair horrors, like my gigantic overly hairsprayed bangs, or the time when I sported long black curly hair closely resembling Cher’s, but especially my unforgettable super short Dorothy Hamel cut; however, my stupid neck injury again %$# that up.

Big hair


The mullet, the only hair do that has the best of both worlds. I’ve included extra images, since it is my personal favorite.

Male mullet

Female mullet

Kid mullet

I don’t have a clue what I’m doing with my hair or my life mullet

Facial hair

Armpit hair

Chest hair

Back hair

Butt hair

Very hairy

All over body hair

Weird hair


Yeah, yeah, I know I haven’t covered all the places where hair grows, but since this is a family blog, you’ll all have to use your imaginations.

62 comments:

HandsomeStan said...

80s glam metal
Hey look! That poodle can sing!
Oh wait - it's a dude

HandsomeStan said...

Caucasian regret
Why can't we grow afros too?
A sphere of cool hair

JPX said...

Oh yes, my hair cut
It's been the same all my life
I fear any change

I know it's silly
But I don't know what to do
I fear looking worse

It's true I use gel
Without it I look crazy
Think 'giant mushroom'

JPX said...

I envy others
Comfortable with their haircuts
I struggle daily

HandsomeStan said...

Why can't stress GROW hair?
I would look like Cousin Itt
Hippies would be bald

JPX said...

When I was a kid
I sported a bowl haircut
My whole hair life sucks

When I start graying
I will dye it right away
Will die with dark hair

JPX said...

Ear hair is just gross
Once had a boss with a lot
Couldn't stop staring

I can't stand shaving
A painful experience
sigh, I'm sensitive

Octopunk said...

"My hair is my life!"
So JPX burned that guy
Silly headbanger

HandsomeStan said...

Neil Armstrong of hair
First pornstar to shave privates
Total game-changer

One small step for porn
Giant leap for crotch grooming
Shave those nipples, too

JPX said...

When I was in school
A kid once called me "Bowl Head"
That hurt my feelings

It was Gideon
Who insulted me that way
Made fun of his name

AC said...

enlighten me: how
can massage therapists stand
rubbing hairy flesh?

HandsomeStan said...

Job security:
Open a grooming salon
On planet Kashyyk

JPX said...

Under the lip hair
Why is it called a "soul patch"?
Obese guys like them

Gretchen said...

Caucasian regret?
I'll slap your face Handsome Stan
My fro is divine

Catfreeek said...

Dated a guy once
Discovered his shoulder hair
and sent him packing

Nose hair and ear hair
in abundance is so gross
get a trimmer dude!

This mean girl in school
liked to threaten and scare me
her hair like brillo

Catfreeek said...

I once knew this guy
with a big hairy ass mole
better ass than face

Got a perm one time
my hair takes curl very well
gave me poodle head

Me in the '90's?
Think clubs like JR's fast lane
Dyed red and teased up

HandsomeStan said...

Macho Man, Hogan
Your bandanas fool no one
Cue balls, both of you

Bret Michaels, same goes
Same bandana, same haircut
For 18 straight years

Catfreeek said...

Sinead O'Connor
Bad celebrity hairdo
Amy Winehouse too

Worst hair affliction
to Jojo the dog faced boy
only side show work

Worst experience
Eating in a restaurant
found hair, looks pubic

All my kitties think
everything tastes much better
with cat hair on it

Catfreeek said...

Gretchen's Legacy
A family pic plus one
afro among them

HandsomeStan said...

Mohawk or faux-hawk
Unless you ARE Mr.T
You shouldn't do it

HandsomeStan said...

Unshaved botanist
Also commonly known as
(cough) hairy potter

JPX said...

After season 1
What happened to Mike Brady?
He had an afro

Come to think of it
All the Brady males got perms
Were all of them gay?

HandsomeStan said...

Ratings plummeted
When Erin Grey went brunette
My crush stayed steady

JPX said...

When Keri Russell
Decided to cut her hair
Felicity bombed

AC said...

HAIR: the musical
hippie propaganda plus
hirsute nudity

AC said...

my mom is on me
to cover up my gray hair
so of course i don't

AC said...

"dorothy hamill"
plus braces plus thick glasses
13 kind of sucked

Catfreeek said...

Stopped dying my hair
because of balding old hags
in beauty parlor

Chemical damage
which causes tragic fallout
no, more like fall out

JPX said...

I want to see Hair
I hear that it's very good
I want to see boobs

Catfreeek said...

Hairy backs and more
Whirly's pics, so disturbing
I may have nightmares

Men covered in hair
Good argument for Darwin
Clearly Simian

When hairy men wash
they shampoo entire bod.
No need for the soap

Catfreeek said...

JPX at Hair
Seeing lots of hair and boobs
just not hairy boobs

Johnny Sweatpants said...

A simple query
How can girls stand guys with beards?
They're all coarse and gross

Johnny Sweatpants said...

His name? "Harry Ball"
I crank called him constantly
{Before call waiting}

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Big, hairy rear end?
Or petite hairless buttocks?
The choice is yours, friend

Catfreeek said...

Bad faux-hawk styler
only spikes up front center
making PeeWee's doo

Johnny Sweatpants said...

There was this kid Chris
Hit puberty at age 9
Hairy, hairy man

There was a tumor
That had hair and teeth in it
Deeply disturbing

Whirlygirl said...

Head down on your desk
Nurse sifts through hair with a comb
Lice check in grade school

Many empty desks
Whispers heard, notes passed around
Nurse found the lice heads

Whirlygirl said...

Curling iron hot
Sizzle, tease, hardening spray
Hideous display

Whirlygirl said...

I was four years old
Chop, chop!! Hair all on the floor
Then they called me boy

Whirlygirl said...

Hours in bathroom
Just trying to get it big
My bangs always limp

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Excuse me one moment
Kevin and Winnie photos?
That's gayer than gay

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Cheer up sleepy Jean
Oh what can it mean to a
Daydream believer?

Whirlygirl said...

Shove it, Davy Jones
Aren't your glory days over?
Is it bald or gray?

Whirlygirl said...

Come on, Davy Jones
Gonna let the Coop talk smack
Do I smell chicken?

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Poor Winnie Cooper
Kevin married another
Someone who put out

Whirlygirl said...

Let's lay out the rules
It has to be about hair
Any and all hair

Hey caterpillar
Oops, Davy, those your eyebrows?
Here are some tweezers

HandsomeStan said...

Wonder Years sister
I'd do that dirty hippie
Hairy pits and all

Whirlygirl said...

It's hard to find fault
My hair is so so perfect
So don't waste your breath

Catfreeek said...

Now children behave
Winnie brings up a good point
Davy, eyebrow wax

Whirlygirl said...

Pass the bowl, Davy
The one balanced on your head
Oh, it's a bowl cut

JPX said...

Don't knock Winnie's hair
She has a classic hairdo
True, she's a bit cold

Is that Darth Vader?
Nope, it's only Davy Jones
Hair helmet fooled me

Whirlygirl said...

Oh, kevin, listen!
You know why I won't put out?
It's your hairy butt

Catfreeek said...

Worst hairdo ever
Has got to be the beehive
Big, bold, butt ugly

JPX said...

Winnie you're frigid
I'd like to mess up your hair
Would do you some good!

Whirlygirl said...

I kissed Kirk McCray
And all the other guys
They had better hair

Whirlygirl said...

Would you like some soup?
Your bowl looks empty, Davy
Oh, it is your hair

HandsomeStan said...

Full hairy circle
Ears, moles, nipples and nostrils
These: the Wonder Hairs

HandsomeStan said...

Stan takes a shower
Shampoo, conditioner, wash
No hair in the drain

MrsX takes one
Shampoo, conditioner, wash
Afro in the drain

Catfreeek said...

Man mullet purpose:
Short hair for work, long for play
Femullet, just bad.

HandsomeStan said...

And hair extensions
Gluing other hair to yours
Black people CRAY-zee

Octopunk said...

Dadhood side effect
Breakfast, daycare, get to work
Oops! Still got bedhead

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Dissing Davey's do?
After all he's given you?
You should be ashamed

Now I'm all upset
Girl, look what you've done to me
Me and my whole world