House of Wax

(2005)***1/2

Six really annoying people set out for a road trip to see a college championship football game. Along the way they decide to camp out for the night in order to quarrel, drink and have sex. After an unsettling incident with a mysterious trucker, the clan wakes up to find that their vehicle has been tampered with. Against their better judgment, two of the friends reluctantly accept a local’s invitation to give them a ride to a nearby town where they will be able to pick up the necessary parts for their car. Once they arrive at the town, the two stumble upon a once famous House of Wax, which still contains amazing lifelike sculptures. As night begins to fall the two discover the town’s secret and realize that there is a reason the wax figures look so real. Then they meet Vincent, a horribly scarred, demented mute who wants to add them to the wax collection.

Much better than it deserved to be! The first 40 minutes or so introduces us to a cast of really, really annoying people. With almost every line a veiled insult, frequent subtle and overt threats, and some good old-fashioned bullying, you never believe for a second that any of these people would ever spend 5 minutes together let alone a weekend getaway to watch a sporting event. Yet we’re eventually able to move past these unrealistic friendships once the real meat of the film kicks in. Paris Hilton, whom I loathe with every fiber of my being, actually does a good job here. She’s not going to win any acting awards, but she’s no better or worse than any of the others. Her death is spectacular, by the way. House of Wax is really two films in one. The first half follows the partying comrades on a road trip. The second half, the good half, kicks in once the principals get lost and end up at the titular “house of wax”. Yes, this kind of story has been done a million times already. A group of annoying friends gets lost somewhere in the back woods of butt-fuck USA and end up stumbling upon a family of crazy people. Yet here the crazy family has the run of an abandoned town. Keeping the power on in all the establishments and using tape recordings to simulate the hustle and bustle of daily life, our “heroes” only realize their predicament once it’s too late. The deaths and violence are gory and unsettling. At one point a character’s Achilles’ heel is snipped with hedge clippers (I feel queasy just thinking about it). The climax is a marvel to be seen. As the remaining protagonists are fighting for their lives within the giant (literally) wax house, the house, now on fire, is slowly melting around them. If you picture that dream you had as a kid where you’re being chased by a monster and as you try to escape you find that the floor is made of molasses, you’ll get the idea. Go rent this film. I know it goes against your better judgment but I assure you that you won’t be disappointed.