The Prophecy

(1995) **

This is the Christopher Walken movie you're thinking of. He plays the Johnny Cash-lookin' archangel Gabriel, and he's the bad guy in this movie. Sounds like it can't miss, right?

I love the idea of angels as bad guys. Not because of the dig at Christianity, but because of the notion that angels are scary critters. The comic Hellblazer was very good at making that idea tangible. These are the soldiers of heaven, creatures of divine power, and divine power is something that regular people are just better off without. Prophets in biblical stories are beset by divine possession when they have their visions, and I've always thought they probably weren't that much less freaked out about it as the demon hosts.

But I ramble. Whatever potential this movie has (decent premise, good cast), it completely blows it. It's boring. Boring! Is there a worse sin for a movie? Even the climax of this one feels like the orange circus peanuts in your Halloween stash. (And for you people who like those things...well, you're freaks.) Satan shows up and fails to impress. Lame Satan! Is there a worse sin for a movie (besides boring)? I was thinking this was going to look good on a second viewing because Lame Satan is none other than Viggo Mortensen, but it turns out even Aragorn couldn't help out this turkey. Christopher Walken delivers a few good moments, but he can't save it either.

Okay, look, the only reason I put this on my list is because I wanted to do a Khari Wuhrer film festival, because she's a b-movie crush of mine. She's in Prophecy's 4 and 5, and Hellraiser: Deader, which is fucking number 7. I just can't pull off all the intervening titles in the time remaining, so I may just put that particular sub-event off until next year. I also just realized I should also watch Anaconda, which she's in, and the idea putting that off for a year is inviting to say the least. (However, the flicks for my Uwe Boll film festival have arrived, so that's in full swing. Stay tuned for that.)

Oh my god, this movie is so dull I can't even stick to the topic at all. One of several 90's releases that you wanted to like, but it really makes you feel like they shouldn't have bothered. Not recommended.