Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Piranha Part Two: The Spawning


(1981) ***

Before the couple in the opening scene gets attacked by piranhas, they engage in a little scuba sex. Except they strip their tanks off, too, which actually made me more nervous than the imminent devouring. Can’t complain, though, we’re five minutes in and we’ve got nudity, blood, and that cute whirring sound from the first movie that declares "piranha frenzy."

Next we’re introduced to our cast, including “not quite Adrienne Barbeau,” “not quite Parker Stevenson,” and actual Lance Henriksen. We spend a whole bunch of time meeting the guests at Piranhafood Resort, and are these people a pack of freaks. Not a particularly attractive group, they’re played in a sharp caricature mode that makes you think maybe you got a John Waters movie by mistake. I guess they were just modelled after real vacationing Americans. I got through it because I knew that later on, some of them get eaten. Also later on, there's a pair of naked girl pirates.

The kicker in this story is that these piranhas fly around. Their genes were spliced with those of the flying fish “so they can survive in any environment.” (Yeah, I just saw a flying fish sitting in a tree outside. Those things are everywhere.) The flying piranhas are the most endearing badly-made monsters I’ve come across since those toothy slugs in Deadly Spawn. They look laughably fake when they fly, but you can’t help like the little buggers. And their aim, jeez Louise! One second they’re flopping into piles of coiled rope or batting themselves like moths against a window frame, next second they’re at your neck. They never miss the neck!

Afterwards, they tear chunks from all over the body, resulting in some pretty good gore. Add that to a healthy dose of boobage and you’ve got yourself a perfectly good Beach Horror Movie.

5 comments:

Octopunk said...

It's a sign of this flick's craptastic monster effects that I couldn't find ONE single picture of the little freakers online.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I've always been curious about Piranha 2. I even searched for it to no avail. Gotta love Netflix...

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute...isn't this a James Cameron movie?

Anonymous said...

It is, indeed, a James Cameron movie.

In the summer of 1986 I was trying to get my friend Jonathan to come see a matinee of "Aliens" (which would have been my third time).

Jonathan said, "No, I'm watching this." He pointed to the television, where "Pirhana Part Two: The Spawning" was playing.

I sneered, "You don't need to watch this crap. Come with me to see the work of James Cameron, master director." (He refused.)

But the irony (obviously) is that he was ALREADY WATCHING James Cameron at work. Today, I have a much clearer understanding of the sleazeball elements in Cameron's directing, so I wouldn't make the same mistake.

Octopunk said...

According to imdb, Piranha producer Ovidio G. Assonitis booted Cameron off the job after the first week and did it himself. Now, of course, JC's name is prominently displayed.

Assonitis also produced Tentacles (basically another version of this movie), American Ninjas 4 and 5, and Scent of a Woman. Hoo ha!

Malevolent

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