Phantasm IV: Oblivion

(1998) ***

*Deep, dramatic sigh*

I've had a couple false starts on this review because I never wanted to put the following into print: this Phantasm movie is disappointing and, at times, boring. I had just said that a Phantasm movie will never bore you and now I have to eat my cheese hat.

This item on imdb's trivia page for Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead covers it nicely. "Don Coscarelli reportedly admitted during filming that he had run out of ideas after finishing the script for this sequel and had no clue which direction the story would take in case there was a fourth Phantasm movie." Unfortunately it's clear by the movie's end that he never found that clue. Lots of ideas are suggested or hinted at, but nothing is ever given the chance to gel, so it's like nothing actually happens.

The trouble starts right at the beginning. We left Reggie in dire straits -- which usually means he's about to upload some four-barrelled badassery on every rage dwarf and murder ball in sight. Instead The Tall Man just lets him go with some knowing, sinister facial expressions and that's it. (It is worth noting that Angus Scrimm, while four years older, looks much better than he did in Lord of the Dead. I don't know if he'd had a stroke or stopped drinking or what.)

But what of Tim, the plucky young marksman? Again from imdb: "In the original script, Tim's character was savagely eaten alive by the dwarves at the beginning of the movie. A combination of budget constraints and Don Coscarelli's respect for the character caused the scene to never be filmed." Goodbye, little fella. You were kind of cool, but I also wanted to strangle you.

What follows is a buddies-on-the-road movie except the buddies are actually in two separate cars and days apart from each other. Reggie is following Mike through the American southwest, dealing with various Phastasmic physical threats (see below) while Mike is on a flacid vision quest for answers.

"Oh, that is just so unnecessary."

Much of Mike's part of the movie is in the form of flashbacks, enabled by an impressive amount of unused footage shot with these same actors in 1979. As cool as it is seeing Mike as a genuine teenager, this leads to two problems. First, it gets kind of gratuitous. Mike muses to himself "Remember that last perfect day before The Tall Man came to our town, Reggie?" And then the screen blurs and there's a scene of li'l Mike hopping a ride on young Reggie's ice cream truck. And then it's over and you feel slightly cheated. And the plot is clearly being yanked around unfairly to fit whatever footage they have.

The second problem is you get to see how Mike grew up into this anxious looking dude with Karl Malden's nose. That sounds like it's not that big a problem, but believe me, it is.

Some elements of The Tall Man's emerging backstory are interesting, like this cool steampunk version of the tuning fork gate thingies, but they remain disparate details and the story never emerges. Some time travel occurs, which is always a bad plot detail to handle with half your ass.

I get steamed at characters in movies that don't provide raw information when it is needed most. Mike's dead brother Jody, the renegade murder ball from the last movie (or "Mike's spheric brother" as Wikipedia puts it), is there to give Mike a helping hand but then he stands around a lot not telling Mike what the hell is going on. Were I in that situation, I'd be grabbing his round, shiny lapels and saying "Info. NOW."

What you get as a result is non-moments like when they go back in time to witness a well meaning doctor inadvertantly release The Tall Man onto the world. From Wiki's plot rundown: "Invisible to the old man, they witness how he perfects his craft and approaches the gate. Mike tries to stab him before he can pass through but misses him, as they are in another dimension. Jebedaiah vanishes and moments later the evil Tall Man emerges from the gate."

I'm using Wiki's dry account because when they mention that they're in another dimension is exactly when Jody decides to tell Mike and the viewers. How embarrassing for Mike, whipping that little knife around. Give a guy a little help, my spheric brother! Why were we hiding behind the shelf when we got here if he couldn't see us?!

Roger Avery, who among other things wrote Beowulf and Silent Hill, has apparently written the closing chapter of Phantasm, now being called Phantasm's End. By all accounts nobody wants to pay for it, but I hope somebody does before Angus Scrimm dies and gets turned into a rage dwarf like everyone else (albeit a tall one).

I also believe that, given the current profitability of horror remakes, they'll get around to rebooting the first Phantasm sometime in the next, oh... let's say eight years. It would be nice if the first story has a chance to come to a proper end.

Phantasm still rules, and I recommend the first three of them to anyone. I give this one three stars because I don't have the heart to tarnish the shiny chrome sphere of the franchise. But I guess you could skip it.

On a happier note, here's a shot from Lord of the Dead, when they still knew what you need to make a Phantasm flick.

"Ahh! Someone give me a Kleenex!"