Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Wraith


(1986)
Packard, a violent car thief and evil gang leader, likes to challenge unsuspecting car owners to race him on long desert roads with the understanding that whoever wins gets to keep both cars. Packard, however, always wins these races because he cheats, and once he “wins” he brings the cars to his secret chop shop.


"Don't call me 'KITT'!"

One day a mysterious black car rolls into town prompting Packard to demand a race. Packard wisely chooses one of his doofus underlings to challenge the mysterious stranger. The underling not only loses the race, but perishes in a ball of fire due to the black car’s magical shenanigans. With clearly no learning curve in sight, this scenario keeps playing out with other gang members. Meanwhile a young Charlie Sheen moves into town and immediately sweeps Packard’s girlfriend, Laura Palmer (seriously), off her feet, which fills Packard with murderous rage. Charlie Sheen seems familiar to the townsfolk but nobody can quite place him. What is the connection between Charlie Sheen and the mysterious black car? Who is the mysterious stranger who occasionally leaves the black car to dispense Robocop-like justice? Just what the hell is going on in this movie?


Two seconds after this shot I whip out my boobs

This film is every bit as confusing as my schizophrenic description suggests and it’s quite possibly one of the strangest 80s movies I’ve ever encountered (Dream a Little Dream still holds that title). The story lacks any sort of coherence and it struggles throughout to find an identity. Is it a “horror” movie about a vigilante killer or a coming of age story about the new guy in town? Charlie Sheen and Sheryl Lee are slumming with this awful material. The pedantic story is only slightly saved by a hard rock’n 80s soundtrack. How it is possible that such a low budget film could afford Ozzy and Billy Idol songs remains a mystery. Watching The Wraith is a joyless experience.


I don't think it's possible to be uglier than Clint Howard

7 comments:

Catfreeek said...

Wow another 0 Gretchen flick huh. Thanks for the warning.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

The rating system is hysterical. I laugh every time. What is it that's so damn magnetic about her?

DKC said...

She and Clint Howard would be an excellent couple.

Octopunk said...

Wow, Clint Howard went for Extra Ugly in this one. Crazy.

Anonymous said...

This seems to me like a big advertisement for Chrysler, Dodge, and Plymouth.

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Malevolent

 2018  ***1/2 It's 1986 for some reason, and a team of paranormal investigators are making a big name for themselves all over Scotland. ...