It came down to three. From Handsome Stan:
Justice League dinner
Who invited Aquaman?!?
I'm cooking seafood!
I find any humor at Aquaman’s expense to be hysterically funny. He is and always will be the laughing stock of the Justice League for this reason alone: his powers are limited to the ocean while most of the important stuff in life happens on land. There’s an old joke where Superman is assigning serious duties to the various JLA members and when he gets to Aquaman he zings “Aquaman, why don’t you go uh.. talk to some fish or something” and everyone has a good laugh.
The scenario that Handsome Stan constructed in 3 lines depicts Aquaman showing up unwanted at a dinner party and then learning that seafood is on the menu. It implies that the other heroes are generally sensitive to Aquaman's fish loving lifestyle but they all indulge behind his back. Priceless! I became obsessed with finding a picture of Aquaman looking dejected. I couldn’t find one so I had no choice but to doodle one:
She said she'd be right over
Bitch never showed up
Now that may very well be the most offensive haiku in the history of the competition. In addition to making a sexist comment towards a feminist icon, he rubs salt in the wounds by mocking her mysterious disappearance. Bravo!
Adam & Eve came
served them some hot apple pie
it's sinfully good
In true Horrorthon fashion, the Freeek plays the role of the devil and tempts the famous dumb couple. As if they haven’t already felt enough guilt over the whole “fall from grace” thing. All three of these haikus were champions in their own right. But since I can only pick one winner I’m going to go with Catfreeek because she’s long overdue for a win. Congrats Catfreeek!