Thursday, March 04, 2010

HHD: Results!

Wow, what a great haiku day, I love this topic! My favorite haiku topics are those that force Horrorthonners to reveal personal things about their life experiences and they didn’t disappoint with their (fond?) memories of school field trips

Things got off to a great start with this back and forth between Stan and JSP over a wet underwear incident,


Big JSP fight
Threw fat kid's undies at me
While I was sleeping

Underwear was wet
Eight grade murderous hatred
Worst roommate ever


I do not recall
The “Underwear Incident”
But I’m not sorry

It’s hilarious
And you must have deserved it
Also – it’s funny

Catfreek is only a few years older than me yet her haikus always sound like she grew up in a lawless Western town. Whirlygirl has the craziest stories you’ve ever heard before (believe me, she’s barely scratched the surface on the blog) but she was sad to tell me that she never went on a single filed trip in her whole life. In fact she said the haiku topic reminded her of that fact and it bummed her out. Back to the Cat,

Bus took a wrong turn
bad neighborhood, saw a whore
beating up a guy

We all took pictures
most exciting thing we saw
that bitch kicked his ass

I love these two from DCD - I read them to Whirlygirl and she chortled loudly,

Chorus exchange trip.
Toronto? Cool! Ten hour
bus ride? Pure torture!

Had the seat next to
the john. Ten hours of stink.
Sweaty geeks and shit.

I chuckled at Mr. AC’s psychiatric interpretation about the etiology of my squeamishness around ‘stumps’

Limbless plastic gimps
Start of JPX's fear?
Weebles equal stumps

I knew Octo was going to write haikus about Alton Jones! In retrospect this might be the only field trip that we ever went on together? Our teacher at the time was bitchy Nancy Springthorpe, who I hate to this day. What distinguished the Alton Jones trip form others was that it was an overnight trip. My kid is going on a similar trip next month (to the tune of $187!).

Alton Jones slogan
Was "you pick it, you eat it"
Endlessly funny

So many field trips
Back to Alton Jones, yay
Our box factory

Once at Alton Jones
I saw JPX drink cup
Of salad dressing

(it’s true, I did)

In the end I had to go with JSP for his perfect vitriolic summary of his field trip experiences, many of which I also experienced. To this day it amazes me that the people running places like Old Sturbridge Village, Plymouth Plantation, and the Salem Witch Museum don’t understand that despite their best efforts, no kid actually believes that they have been transported back in time and more importantly, these settings are boring, man. I hated these places and the gift shops were lame.

Salem Witch Museum
Death, torture, hysteria
All made tedious

How disappointing
Came here to see witches burn
Not courtroom drama

Old Sturbridge Village
The most boring place on earth
Let’s bring the children

Please sir, leave me be
19th century accents
Give me a headache

I’m a kid dammit
I don’t care for cider mills
Nor the Old Towne House

I dug AC’s Freudian interpretation of JSP’s hatred for Sturbridge Village,

johnny's too hostile,
proves reaction formation;
johnny hearts sturbridge!

For the non-shrinks, “Reaction Formation” occurs when a person feels an urge to do or say something and then actually does or says something that is effectively the opposite of what they really want.

Congrats, JSP!


Catfreeek said...

Great topic JPX, I only wish I could have remembered more of my field trips.

Congrats JSP you pilgrim hater.

Catfreeek said...

Oh and I thought Stan's wet underwear rant would take it. Classic!

Johnny Sweatpants said...

“Reaction Formation" sounds like a bunch of bull crap to me.

JPX: Clearly you're in love with your mother.

Patient: I am not! How dare you!?

JPX: See? "Reaction formation".

Anyway thanks JPX! I only wish I put "Ye Old Towne House" instead of "The Old Towne House".

I swear I ended up going to Sturbridge Village not once, not twice, but thrice. And once with my mom as a chaperone. (Ugh!) Even as a child I noticed that the Sturbridge employees enjoyed their jobs just a liiiittle too much.

I did a brief poll of friends around here and these fuckers had it made! Abandoned western towns, Indian burial grounds, Yosemite, Monterey Aquarium etc.

HandsomeStan said...

As soon as I wrote those underwear ones, I knew instantly what JSP's reaction would be. "I don't remember it, but I certainly approve."

It was our last morning in DC, and we were up late drinking Jolt and eating Skittles (we knew how to party). Andy Scavongelli was in the next room over, and all I remember is being woken up by an enormous, soaking pair of tighty-whities SLAMMING into my face. The first thing I heard was Scavongelli's obnoxious fat-kid class-clown laughter, and I think he & JSP exchanged a high-five.

I jumped out of bed and started swinging. Fortunately, Ray Martin & Jim Larisa broke it up before it got really ugly.

But you totally did it, you big jerk.

And congratulations!

AC said...

nice work sweatpants!

i feel slightly field trip-deficient after reading everyone else's cool and chaotic experiences.

east coast horrorthon field trip, anyone?

AC said...

and jpx, WHY did you drink dressing? and what type of dressing?

JPX said...

Ceaser dressing. I'd do it again right now if I had it in front oe me. Mmmmmmmm.

JPX said...

JSP, the best example of "reaction formation" are the behaviors of conservative politicians who preach "family values" and decry prostitution while having mistresses on the side. Spitzer led the crusade on prostitution and ended up in shame when his whore emerged. Another example would be anti-gay advocates who are, in fact, gay themselves.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Handsome Stan, sometimes I wonder why you even still speak to me.

But that is truly hysterical. I doubled over when I just read "Scavongelli's obnoxious fat-kid class-clown laughter".

DCD said...

Congrats, JSP! Sturbridge Village is definitely worthy of your hatred.

Cool topic, JPX!

Octopunk said...

"despite their best efforts, no kid actually believes that they have been transported back in time"

Except for me, apparently. I'm so embarrassed. I guess it's relevant to point out that I didn't think I was back in time as much as I thought the pilgrims were somehow backwards

I totally believe the underwear story. While I never suffered any outrageousness at the hands of Johnny Pants, JPX shot an arrow at me, threw fish eggs all over this other guy, etc.

Great topic.

Catfreeek said...

JPX regarding my "Lawless Western Town". We were a terrible class. Unfortunately for the classes like yours that followed mine our blatant disregard of any rules & regulations as well as our abuse the liberties that we were graced spoiled things for our underclassmen. Sorry.

HandsomeStan said...

I would like to point out that part of Mr. Miller's speech (BMS principal) to the 8th grade class at large in the lunchroom prior to the trip was words to the effect of, "We will be searching everything. We know what your tricks are. Don't think about hiding alcohol in shampoo bottles or anything like that."

CUT TO: the entire class, going, Damn, that's a good idea. Let's come up with something that beats THAT!

God bless you and your totally fucked up class, Cat!

Catfreeek said...

Future classes were banned from the hotel we stayed at in DC because some kids threw firecrackers out of the windows and the doormen thought they were being shot at. We also hid the Colonial Williamsburg beer in the toilet tanks with ice.

A note to teens: Alcohol in a "Gee your hair smells terrific" bottle tastes like perfumed ass!